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mauthecat

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Almost 6 months ago I met someone, we connected from day 1, I trusted him completely and fell in love with him head over heels. He was my best and only friend, I tried to be there for him all the time, I tried to help, I tried so much. 
Today was our last conversation. 
He said he needs space, that does not want to have any relationship with anyone, not even a friendship. 

I am trying to hold myself together. I lost my job, I am living with my parents, but I had a friend that I loved with all my heart. 

Today I lost that friend. I don't know how to feel. I am just here asking God for help, tears just falling and falling from my eyes. Trying not to blame myself for him not even wanting to talk to me. But why does everyone run from me? I wish I knew what is wrong with me. 

I didn't even get to say a proper good by I think he just said I can't and hung up. I guess he wanted to avoid the crying from my side. I guess his feelings for me are gone. So what do I do now? 

what do I do with my feelings? How do I stop blaming myself? How do I stop asking myself if someone will ever be able to love me back? 

Please God help me. 

At least I know I gave it all. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. I gave it all and my friend is gone. 

I hope I will hear from him again someday. I hope things get better in his life I wish him only the best, love and happiness.
 
((((hugs))))

Cry......then wipe your tears. No use in blaming yourself. It is not your fault, it is nobody`s fault. Each of you did the best you could at this moment. Time will tell.
You have such a kind heart, wishing the best for him. So, please, don`t be so hard on yourself.
 
zero said:
((((hugs))))

Cry......then wipe your tears. No use in blaming yourself. It is not your fault, it is nobody`s fault. Each of you did the best you could at this moment. Time will tell.
You have such a kind heart, wishing the best for him. So, please, don`t be so hard on yourself.
Click to expand...

That was all I ever wanted, the best for him. I prayed everyday for his life to be better for him to see the special and wonderful person he is. And I  prayed this too: [font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.[/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned. 
[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I wanted so badly to help. But I am only human. I know I made mistakes. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I just didn't expect to loose him as a friend after being so close. It hurts [/font]
 
I'm so sorry it didn't work out. You can rest knowing that you did your best and respect his decision. It hurts and it'll be hard, but you can overcome it. Don't blame yourself - it's not your fault. It happens to everyone.
 
Your problem stems from putting all your eggs in one basket. I dont get depressed over such things, because people are unpredictable and irrational, especially women. I live in peace with that fact or that part of me.

Ask yourself with what part do you not live in peace. There is a concept in NLP which is called parts. Read about it. It helped me:

http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt11.htm

The best thing that you can do know is learn and become better for your next friend that you are going to fall in love with. A friend that will make your ex-friend second best.

Remember what the average person in your place do right now.

"Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do"

And that is learning from experience when you are done. Consolidating truths into principles that will serve you for your next encounter with a person you like.
 
NewOrder2016 said:
Your problem stems from putting all your eggs in one basket. I dont get depressed over such things, because people are unpredictable and irrational, especially women. I live in peace with that fact or that part of me.

Ask yourself with what part do you not live in peace. There is a concept in NLP which is called parts. Read about it. It helped me:

Code: 
http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt11.htm

The best thing that you can do know is learn and become better for your next friend that you are going to fall in love with. A friend that will make your ex-friend second best.

Remember what the average person in your place do right now.

"Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do"

And that is learning from experience when you are done. Consolidating truths into principles that will serve you for your next encounter with a person you like.
[/quote]
Click to expand...
 
NewOrder2016 said:
Your problem stems from putting all your eggs in one basket. I dont get depressed over such things, because people are unpredictable and irrational, especially women. I live in peace with that fact or that part of me.

Ask yourself with what part do you not live in peace. There is a concept in NLP which is called parts. Read about it. It helped me:

http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt11.htm

The best thing that you can do know is learn and become better for your next friend that you are going to fall in love with. A friend that will make your ex-friend second best.

Remember what the average person in your place do right now.

"Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do"

And that is learning from experience when you are done. Consolidating truths into principles that will serve you for your next encounter with a person you like.
Click to expand...
I didn't put all my eggs in one basket I had, and not by choice, 1 egg only 1. Which I cared for with all my efforts. 
I don't know what part I am not at peace with. I would say none of them. No job, no house, no money, no friends, no one to love me, nothing to look forward. 
Unfortunately I am an idiot, I don't learn. And that next encounter with a person I like could take as long as this one took, 4 years.
 
mauthecat said:
NewOrder2016 said:
Your problem stems from putting all your eggs in one basket. I dont get depressed over such things, because people are unpredictable and irrational, especially women. I live in peace with that fact or that part of me.

Ask yourself with what part do you not live in peace. There is a concept in NLP which is called parts. Read about it. It helped me:

http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt11.htm

The best thing that you can do know is learn and become better for your next friend that you are going to fall in love with. A friend that will make your ex-friend second best.

Remember what the average person in your place do right now.

"Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do"

And that is learning from experience when you are done. Consolidating truths into principles that will serve you for your next encounter with a person you like.
Click to expand...
I didn't put all my eggs in one basket I had, and not by choice, 1 egg only 1. Which I cared for with all my efforts. 
I don't know what part I am not at peace with. I would say none of them. No job, no house, no money, no friends, no one to love me, nothing to look forward. 
Unfortunately I am an idiot, I don't learn. And that next encounter with a person I like could take as long as this one took, 4 years.
Click to expand...

This is the doc that I finished watching right now.
Code: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv0b1unxUpM&t=1806s&index=134&list=PL9rbnIHnId7MxrshLyITp3d1Cmk1UiFpz
Different people have the same disorder. Yet they cope differently. Some get help of others, some continue with their academic achievements (see John Nash. Also see the doc 'the beautiful mind' with Russel Crow) and some dwell on themselves and their state.

Make a choice with a part of you that sadness is okay, but dont let it spill that sadness to other parts of you.

This is how you use the 'Parts' Concept in NLP.

I am 32, was never in a meaningful or serious relationship. I slept with only prostitutes. Had may be 1 female friend my whole life. 


I am conditioned to bad things happening to me, same as you can condition your heart to produce better stamina for running. When I came here, I was posting since the morning to the afternoon. I tried to help others, and not to whine about my problems, that I am unemployed and socially isolated, that I have not met or met any friends for a decade. Why?

Because I am conditioned not to care about those things and also because dwelling on your problems doesnt work. It does alleviate your depression momentarily when you talk about. But what works is what when you think about the lessons that you learn from it.
Do you learn from it, that you are the wrong person to be with? that there arent many people like him? that you are worthless?
may be you are right to some extent with your answers to those questions.
But that is not what you want to learn from that experience! Otherwise, your ex-friend who put you in the hole that you are in right now. will win :(


Learn from this experience the following:
- You conditioned yourself to cope with harder things in the future.
- You gained new social skills, philosophy and wisdom from what happened (and communicating with me ::).
- You also need to learn that you have no absolute control of people. People do leave. Some people are flaky and they are not settled with what they have.
- Finally you learned that a good way to cope with things is sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, especially with those who went through harder things like you.. social isolation, divorce, death in the family etc.

I applied a few NLP principles here too.

"Defeat your enemies with success"
 
NewOrder2016 said:
mauthecat said:
NewOrder2016 said:
Your problem stems from putting all your eggs in one basket. I dont get depressed over such things, because people are unpredictable and irrational, especially women. I live in peace with that fact or that part of me.

Ask yourself with what part do you not live in peace. There is a concept in NLP which is called parts. Read about it. It helped me:

http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt11.htm

The best thing that you can do know is learn and become better for your next friend that you are going to fall in love with. A friend that will make your ex-friend second best.

Remember what the average person in your place do right now.

"Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do"

And that is learning from experience when you are done. Consolidating truths into principles that will serve you for your next encounter with a person you like.
Click to expand...
I didn't put all my eggs in one basket I had, and not by choice, 1 egg only 1. Which I cared for with all my efforts. 
I don't know what part I am not at peace with. I would say none of them. No job, no house, no money, no friends, no one to love me, nothing to look forward. 
Unfortunately I am an idiot, I don't learn. And that next encounter with a person I like could take as long as this one took, 4 years.
Click to expand...

This is the doc that I finished watching right now.
Code: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv0b1unxUpM&t=1806s&index=134&list=PL9rbnIHnId7MxrshLyITp3d1Cmk1UiFpz
Different people have the same disorder. Yet they cope differently. Some get help of others, some continue with their academic achievements and some dwell on themselves and their state.

Make a choice with a part of you that sadness is okay, but dont let it spill that sadness to other parts of you.

This is how you use the 'Parts' Concept in NLP.

I am 32, was never in a meaningful or serious relationship. I slept with only prostitutes. Had may be 1 female friend my whole life. 


I am conditioned to bad things happening to me, same as you can condition your heart to produce better stamina for running. When I came here, I was posting since the morning to the afternoon. I tried to help others, and not to whine about my problems, that I am unemployed and socially isolated, that I have not met or met any friends for a decade. Why?

Because I am conditioned not to care about those things and also because dwelling on your problems doesnt work. It does alleviate your depression momentarily when you talk about. But what works is what when you think about the lessons that you learn from it.
Do you learn from it, that you are the wrong person to be with? that there arent many people like him? that you are worthless?
may be you are right to some extent with your answers to those questions.
But that is not what you want to learn from that experience! Otherwise, your ex-friend who put you in the hole that you are in right now. will win :(


Learn from this experience the following:
- You conditioned yourself to cope with harder things in the future.
- You gained new social skills, philosophy and wisdom from what happened (and communicating with me ::).
- You also need to learn that you have no absolute control of people. People do leave. Some people are flaky and they are not settled with what they have.
- Finally you learned that a good way to cope with things is sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, especially with those who went through harder things like you.. social isolation, divorce, death in the family etc.

I applied a few NLP principles here too.

"Defeat your enemies with success"
Click to expand...
Everyone I have met in life has left, still I can't cope with people leaving, it makes it harder every time someone else goes away. I can't let go, I have been letting go all my life. So this time I am fighting, however I can. Plus, I know this person is special I felt and saw something worth fighting for. He is not my enemy, maybe he feels I am his enemy but he is certainly not mine. I am as dumb as a rock and stubborn as a mule. I will be there for him when he needs me. I just need to learn to live with the uncertainty of when if ever will he need me again. Hoping and waiting can take a big toll on someone. But I prayed to God and asked him what to do? All he said was love conquers all. 

So yes I feel bad, sad, broken and empty like a big chunk of me is suddenly missing, like a phantom limb you think it is there when it is gone. And yes I cry and feel like rolling over and waiting to die already. It is not just because he left, I would have to explain my entire life and that would be to long. But right now I am fighting and trying to hold on. 

I am sorry my posts are not happy but I thought here I could let out what I have to hide at home. Or outside.
 
NewOrder2016 said:
NewOrder2016 said:
Your problem stems from putting all your eggs in one basket. I dont get depressed over such things, because people are unpredictable and irrational, especially women. I live in peace with that fact or that part of me.

Ask yourself with what part do you not live in peace. There is a concept in NLP which is called parts. Read about it. It helped me:

Code: 
http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt11.htm

The best thing that you can do know is learn and become better for your next friend that you are going to fall in love with. A friend that will make your ex-friend second best.

Remember what the average person in your place do right now.

"Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do"

And that is learning from experience when you are done. Consolidating truths into principles that will serve you for your next encounter with a person you like.
[/quote]

[/quote]

So you're saying all women are unpredictable and irrational? 
I can honestly see why you "havent had a meaningful relationship" yet.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
Mau, go ahead and have a good cry. As many good cries as you want or need. You're entitled to them, and there's no shame in it. 

None of this is your fault. Sometimes relationships, or even friendships, have an expiration date. Sometimes they just don't work out. It's not because of something you've done, or because there's something wrong with you (there isn't). It just happens. People have different priorities, or they're at different stages of their lives, or they just want different things. Of course it hurts when someone you love leaves you, but it's not your fault. 

Perhaps he'll change his mind later, or perhaps you'll meet someone else, someone more compatible with you. You don't need to change anything about yourself, or become "better" in some way. Don't listen to this guy who doesn't understand women ("unpredictable and irrational" my butt) and has never had a meaningful relationship himself. He's clueless. You don't need to change or improve anything. You just need to keep an eye out for the right person, or people. 

You might try making yourself more available. Join a dance group, sign up for a photography class, get in touch with some local gamers - whatever you're interested in. Meet new people. If you're anything like me, getting out there and socializing is the worst and scariest thing in the world. I've had long arguments with myself before doing such things. But for me, it's been helpful, so that's the second best advice I can give to you. The best advice I've already given: Don't change yourself for anyone. Because you're perfect just as you are. 

Big hugs!
 

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