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How I never feel lonely and how can you never feel lonely too
#11
(02-20-2017, 11:10 AM)Ilvatresbien Wrote:
(02-19-2017, 01:39 AM)MisterLonely Wrote: Although I do apreciate your efforts in trying to help others, and I see how it might help some in a way I read 2 things from the intire text.

1. Feeling lonely because of no social circle/inabilety to socialize but wanting to,  solution: Indifference and justification, if you don't want anything you'll never be disapointed, if you don't make an effort nothing will come from it and you can say you're alone by choice.

2. Dealing with being lonely, solution: Coping mechanism, take on anything and everything you can, filling your life with so much job, errands, hobbies and what not that you'll never have to think about your social status or where you are in life.

I've done both off these and they will definetly help you move on and be a productive member of society, they don't fix anything though, it's like building a dam in the river of thoughts, standing at the base you might think all is well, but on the other side the build up has begun the stream turns into a lake and there comes a time the lake will overflow and the stream will start again, or the dam might buckle and break under the weight and all comes pouring through in an instant....

Very good illustration with the dam. Gosh, it's just so hard to break the cycle. Having a small social circle makes it quite hard to branch out and meet people. But distractions and activity don't always make up for that loneliness that persists inside...

Exactly my point, the "techniques" offered here aren't a fix, they are a quick and dirty patch that will not hold forever.
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#12
Ego is a huge factor that causes loneliness. In fact, sometimes I feel that it is the only factor that leads to loneliness.
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#13
(02-21-2017, 12:51 AM)M_also_lonely Wrote: Ego is a huge factor that causes loneliness. In fact, sometimes I feel that it is the only factor that leads to loneliness.

I think excuses are a bigger factor.  Whether it's "oh, no will like me, I'm ugly" or "I am crippled and can't do anything.  An excuse is an excuse.  There is ALWAYS a way, if you want it enough.
DISCLAIMER:
The views I express are my own opinion. More often than not, if I say "you," it is generalized and not to a person specifically.

My advice is based on my own experiences and those of my friends and family. I may not have a degree saying I read a bunch of books/passed tests, but I have been through a lot and helped others through a lot. Experience is often a better qualification than having read books/passed tests.

I speak in a blunt manner. I mean no disrespect and I'm not being rude. This is just the way I am, please do not take offense.

Take what you like and leave the rest.


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#14
(02-23-2017, 10:57 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(02-21-2017, 12:51 AM)M_also_lonely Wrote: Ego is a huge factor that causes loneliness. In fact, sometimes I feel that it is the only factor that leads to loneliness.

I think excuses are a bigger factor.  Whether it's "oh, no will like me, I'm ugly" or "I am crippled and can't do anything.  An excuse is an excuse.  There is ALWAYS a way, if you want it enough.

Can we call that low self esteem? If yes, then I would have to disagree with you. Low self esteem is mostly caused by personal experiences and cannot be discarded by calling it an excuse.
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#15
(02-23-2017, 04:18 PM)M_also_lonely Wrote:
(02-23-2017, 10:57 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(02-21-2017, 12:51 AM)M_also_lonely Wrote: Ego is a huge factor that causes loneliness. In fact, sometimes I feel that it is the only factor that leads to loneliness.

I think excuses are a bigger factor.  Whether it's "oh, no will like me, I'm ugly" or "I am crippled and can't do anything.  An excuse is an excuse.  There is ALWAYS a way, if you want it enough.

Can we call that low self esteem? If yes, then I would have to disagree with you. Low self esteem is mostly caused by personal experiences and cannot be discarded by calling it an excuse.

Low self esteem can be the cause of excuses, but I wouldn't say it is an excuse.
DISCLAIMER:
The views I express are my own opinion. More often than not, if I say "you," it is generalized and not to a person specifically.

My advice is based on my own experiences and those of my friends and family. I may not have a degree saying I read a bunch of books/passed tests, but I have been through a lot and helped others through a lot. Experience is often a better qualification than having read books/passed tests.

I speak in a blunt manner. I mean no disrespect and I'm not being rude. This is just the way I am, please do not take offense.

Take what you like and leave the rest.


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#16
Low self esteem can be addressed. Actions precede feelings. DO some things that make you feel competent and accomplished. I have never shied away from tackling things. Learn to play a new instrument, bake a new dish, go to a craft class and create something. Or wash the windows. You gain self esteem through impressing yourself. You dont' have to impress anyone else. Just make yourself better and you will feel better.
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#17
I have had sense of loneliness my whole life. I think it is just part of my being no matter how many people i have had around me. It is an existential loneliness.
However, I think that some of us just live quieter, more solitary lives. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe we need to accept that we arent' the life of the party, etc and never will be. That doesnt' make our lives or contributions to this world any of any less value.
I come from a small family. Very little contact with relatives. So, at the holidays, when others had these big family gatherings, it was "just us". I always wondered what these big gatherings would be like. But, we have to be careful to not be grateful or minimize what we do have wishing for what we do not.
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