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roy1986

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I am sure some of you guys know the moment when she says "how about we just stay friends" and then you agree to it and eat our heart out for months, during which, you are hoping she will see something else in you.

Well , today I got a call from a girl who has been seeing me for a while (not the dumb one, a nice one) and she told me that she got back with her ex, but since I'm such a good man and it hurts her to loose me, she is hoping we can be friends.

Anyway, at first I was going to say "yeah sure why not" but then had some flash-backs of bad memories which made me change my mind, So it old her politely as I can, that I have to decline because from my experience it never ends well for me, and I also wish her the best of luck with the guy.

I'm very happy and proud with the way I acted, I have to care about myself more than I care about her, I've placed myself first, finally. 

sorry about the blab guys, probably bored you but I'm just happy that at least on that front I've changed, I will no longer be trampled over !
 
In one way, you're one friend poorer than you'd be if you accepted her "offer".

But I agree. If she only had any utility to you as a possible partner, then there's no point in continuing the friendship. You would have to have something important in common to make it worthwhile.

Good luck with further dating as I assume you're looking.
 
Xpendable said:
They are probably having sex right now.

probably so , but you see mate, as long as our so-called relationship has not reached a phase where I care, then it doesn't matter what they are doing at the moment.

She can fresia with him all she wants, as long as she doesn't mind raping me, who really cares? when you start having feelings for them, then you are screwed
because then she uses you to complain about the guy she is actually with, I am not having that honeysuckle anymore


Oldyoung said:
In one way, you're one friend poorer than you'd be if you accepted her "offer".

But I agree. If she only had any utility to you as a possible partner, then there's no point in continuing the friendship. You would have to have something important in common to make it worthwhile.

Good luck with further dating as I assume you're looking.

she just had a quarrel with her ex and tried to see how it might be with another guy, then suddenly got cold feet, better it end this way than me chasing her around hoping that one day she will give a **** about me, like what happened a year ago.
 
Sorry to hear that, that's really unfortunate. I think you made the right decision and also you are lucky that you didn't care for her too much when she announced this to you. Best of luck moving forward and keep your head up!
 
roy1986 said:
She can fresia with him all she wants, as long as she doesn't mind raping me, who really cares? when you start having feelings for them, then you are screwed
because then she uses you to complain about the guy she is actually with, I am not having that honeysuckle anymore
Tell you what, she will come back soon. They are probably gonna break up and she's going to remember you and will try to reach to you. I already know what you plan to do and I think is the right choice. Cut her off when she comes back, then it would be a more relevant action.
 
Whether she realizes it or not, by "friend", she actually meant "male orbitter". Luckily, you declined. Well done.
 
Xpendable said:
roy1986 said:
She can fresia with him all she wants, as long as she doesn't mind raping me, who really cares? when you start having feelings for them, then you are screwed
because then she uses you to complain about the guy she is actually with, I am not having that honeysuckle anymore
Tell you what, she will come back soon. They are probably gonna break up and she's going to remember you and will try to reach to you. I already know what you plan to do and I think is the right choice. Cut her off when she comes back, then it would be a more relevant action.


well I don't know if it will happen any time soon.
On that case, There is a slight chance she will come to me, but if I stay in touch with her that would most definitely not happen because you know women... if they start talking to you about all their problems, they will have no romantic or sexual feelings toward you. In my country we call it being an "Emotional tampon".

Unlike last times, I simply told her that if she will ever be on the search again and I happen to be single, then the gates will be opened for us to explore that option but I will not become a friend with a person whom I'm attracted to.
when she leaves her boyfriend (hell I believe she will, the guy kicked her out of their apartment last time) , she may consider it and even if she doesn't, at least I'm not her emotional tampon.
 
I am glad you are able to tell the difference between a friend and someone pining over someone else hoping for their current relationship to fail. The only thing she would see in those months that you are hoping she sees something in you is someone obsessed with them with no life of their own to live. That's honestly not a favour to either of you. It's good you can stand up and clearly say you don't want that kind of a "friendship".

She has every right to be with whoever she wants to be with, even when that's not you, be happy for her, treat her with respect, but at the same time, no you are not obligated to be in such an unhealthy mess of a "friendship". If you miss her and start to build that pedestal for her in your head, keep in mind she is the kind of person who runs right to another guy over a fight with her boyfriend and relationships with people like that tend to end very much like they started.
 
Skyless said:
I am glad you are able to tell the difference between a friend and someone pining over someone else hoping for their current relationship to fail. The only thing she would see in those months that you are hoping she sees something in you is someone obsessed with them with no life of their own to live. That's honestly not a favour to either of you. It's good you can stand up and clearly say you don't want that kind of a "friendship".

She has every right to be with whoever she wants to be with, even when that's not you, be happy for her, treat her with respect, but at the same time, no you are not obligated to be in such an unhealthy mess of a "friendship". If you miss her and start to build that pedestal for her in your head, keep in mind she is the kind of person who runs right to another guy over a fight with her boyfriend and relationships with people like that tend to end very much like they started.

Had I the need to be completely honest with her, I would have told her more or less what you said, she hoped to have it both ways - 
keep the old guy around while she checks the character of the new guy, I have too much respect to tolerate that , she needs to either leave the guy or stay with him, there is no where in between. 
It's one of the things in life where you simply don't have any gray areas and whatever happens between these 2, it's none of my business and I have no intention making it so.
 
Guess what, it seems like she was lying all that time, it has been few days since we last talked and she still hangs around in those dating sites.

can mean only 2 things:
1. She was not into me but still wanted to keep me as a friend so she lied to me and asked me to stick around
2. She cheats on her boyfriend and still checking if she can get someone to replace him

Either way, I'm glad that it ended with me saying goodbye to her, some people are just looking to use other.
Thankfully, I'm not going to be used by her and I am also seeing another girl on Friday so Screw her..
 
roy1986 said:
Guess what, it seems like she was lying all that time, it has been few days since we last talk and she still hangs around in those dating sites.

can mean only 2 things:
1. She was not into me but still wanted to keep me as a friend so she lied to me and asked me to stick around
2. She cheats on her boyfriend and still checking if she can get someone to replace him

Either way, I'm glad that it ended with me saying goodbye to her, some people are just looking to use other.
Thankfully, I'm not going to be used by her and I am also seeing another girl on Friday so Screw her..

+1
 
Gratz on breaking away and standing up for yourself. I might be late posting, I hope the date went well!
 
roy1986 said:
I am sure some of you guys know the moment when she says "how about we just stay friends" and then you agree to it and eat our heart out for months, during which, you are hoping she will see something else in you.

Well , today I got a call from a girl who has been seeing me for a while (not the dumb one, a nice one) and she told me that she got back with her ex, but since I'm such a good man and it hurts her to loose me, she is hoping we can be friends.

Anyway, at first I was going to say "yeah sure why not" but then had some flash-backs of bad memories which made me change my mind, So it old her politely as I can, that I have to decline because from my experience it never ends well for me, and I also wish her the best of luck with the guy.

I'm very happy and proud with the way I acted, I have to care about myself more than I care about her, I've placed myself first, finally. 

sorry about the blab guys, probably bored you but I'm just happy that at least on that front I've changed, I will no longer be trampled over !

Good for you! Insight and thought before reaction is always a plus. Give yourself a kudos my man! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
 
They'll be people who will claim you “objectified” her by only being interested in a romantic relationship, that you're perspective doesn't count and that you should have been just as satisfied being friends.
 
You did the right thing. Honestly, when you go the other route, you lose yourself.
 

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