i just need to learn to accept it

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haywud

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I'm cursed to live alone, I think that's pretty obvious at this point. I've spent most of my life without having someone, then when I finally did find someone I let my problems ruin it. I've always felt that if I had someone I would be able to manage my problems a lot easier, and for a while that's the way it was I was genuinely happy. Then this happened and it just started a downward spiral once again. Then other things happened and everything fell apart, and I let it all come between me and the one person that actually did care about me.

Now I'm all alone again, and right back to those doubts that I can ever find someone. I look at myself and look at my life, and I just don't see how anyone would ever be interested in me. I just need to accept the fact that I'll die alone. I was fine with being alone for so long, so I need to get back to that. This loneliness is the cause of my depression, and if I can just learn to accept it then I can finally stop the tears. I'm tired of crying, so if I can't learn to live with the loneliness then I just don't want to live.
 
Hey there
Why are you so upset about you ?You are not alone and believe me you are not going to live your life without someone.
no one gonna live alone.
Don't you ever talks like that.You are not alone..
If you want to talk I am here for you.
-WITH BIG HUG-
 
Well you are far from alone in believing that a partner can be a solution to or buttress against ones own problems. I think a tremendous amount of relationships start and end on that canard. Sadly it's just not how it works in anything resembling reality.

Every breakup can shake a core and tests a person, tests their ideas their habits and their will. But it also teaches, it gives time for reflection and time for change and self improvement. No matter how it feels now the pain will fade then fade some more and some more until you are able to think clearly again. When it happens, and it will, take a look at the problems that you saw sabotage what you had. Make the changes that you can, the ones you need to, the hard steps, the long steps whatever it takes.

You have to accept a breakup sure, but you don't have to accept any of this cursed to live alone stuff. If you are going to accept anything: accept yourself, forgive yourself and follow up with what you need to change, belive it or not that's how you let someone else in.

I don't envy you this pain I remember it, I'm sorry you have to feel it now, but try to stay strong, let the time do it's work, heal. I wish you the very best of luck.
 
I'm sorry if this comes out sounding cold or mean...

Your grandmother was 93 years old;  chances are high that she lived a full life.  It's your turn to live.  I'm not saying that her death isn't sad, or that your family aren't jerks.    But what would she want for you?  Would she want you to cling to your doubts and fears?  Would she want you to mourn her in a healthy way, or a life destroying way?

I really am sorry for your loss, and your romantic troubles...  =(

I know you're sad about the break-up. Whoever this mystery woman is, I'm sure she cared about you and is a good person.  Maybe it just wasn't meant to be... The feelings of sadness and loneliness will be with you for awhile. You can get through it, but you need to stop accepting negative things about yourself and your life. If you don't start getting on track now, every time something bad happens, this will happen next:

haywud said:
 and it just started a downward spiral once again. Then other things happened and everything fell apart

Shitty things are going to continue to happen every now and then, there's nothing you can do about that.  And if you're anything like a lot of ALLers, your luck probably sucks.  But if you work on bettering your situation and learn how to deal with the shitty things in a constructive way, you can avoid the downward spirals.

Maybe you could try making a list of things you need to do to better your life.  Someone here once suggested it to me, it helped a lot.  Start with the simple things, and as you accomplish those you'll gain confidence to tackle difficult goals.  "Get into a romantic relationship" should not appear on the list, just so you know (see Callie's post).  Nor should anything unrealistic be there, obviously.

My suggested entry on the list is:  Continue to tell yourself that you suck, you'll be alone forever, etc. for the next week or so to help with the healing process, then stop.  You need to feel bad about life in general for a bit, its healthy and perfectly normal. But you can't let this turn into another downward spiral. The more you tell yourself this negative crap the more you'll believe it.  You need positive reinforcement and healthy ways to cope.  People here and on the internet might help you with that, if you ask and look. 

Good luck.
 
Locke said:
Whoever this mystery woman is, I'm sure she cared about you and is a good person.

I do, and thank you.

Haywud, we need to have a chat in private. I will say what I need to elsewhere, no one else needs to hear that.
 
haywud said:
I'm cursed to live alone, I think that's pretty obvious at this point. I've spent most of my life without having someone, then when I finally did find someone I let my problems ruin it. I've always felt that if I had someone I would be able to manage my problems a lot easier, and for a while that's the way it was I was genuinely happy. Then this happened and it just started a downward spiral once again. Then other things happened and everything fell apart, and I let it all come between me and the one person that actually did care about me.

Now I'm all alone again, and right back to those doubts that I can ever find someone. I look at myself and look at my life, and I just don't see how anyone would ever be interested in me. I just need to accept the fact that I'll die alone. I was fine with being alone for so long, so I need to get back to that. This loneliness is the cause of my depression, and if I can just learn to accept it then I can finally stop the tears. I'm tired of crying, so if I can't learn to live with the loneliness then I just don't want to live.

Wow…reading this was like reading about me.  I too have felt lonely and almost wanted to give up.  But it’s not in God’s plan for me to give up.  Neither is it his plan for you to give up.  For now, you may not need a partner in your life but use this time to heal and feel better about yourself.  Though, do you get out at all?  Are there places where you can volunteer to meet new people?  Or do you get out like to a church or workplace?  If so, find someone who you would like to be friends with and invite them to lunch or coffee…also I would suggest counseling to help you overcome your issues... 

What has helped me?  Supportive people on social media who encourage me and even pray...so praying that you find someone to be a friend and you are able to overcome the problems.
 
marcole said:
haywud said:
I'm cursed to live alone, I think that's pretty obvious at this point. I've spent most of my life without having someone, then when I finally did find someone I let my problems ruin it. I've always felt that if I had someone I would be able to manage my problems a lot easier, and for a while that's the way it was I was genuinely happy. Then this happened and it just started a downward spiral once again. Then other things happened and everything fell apart, and I let it all come between me and the one person that actually did care about me.

Now I'm all alone again, and right back to those doubts that I can ever find someone. I look at myself and look at my life, and I just don't see how anyone would ever be interested in me. I just need to accept the fact that I'll die alone. I was fine with being alone for so long, so I need to get back to that. This loneliness is the cause of my depression, and if I can just learn to accept it then I can finally stop the tears. I'm tired of crying, so if I can't learn to live with the loneliness then I just don't want to live.

Wow…reading this was like reading about me.  I too have felt lonely and almost wanted to give up.  But it’s not in God’s plan for me to give up.  Neither is it his plan for you to give up.  For now, you may not need a partner in your life but use this time to heal and feel better about yourself.  Though, do you get out at all?  Are there places where you can volunteer to meet new people?  Or do you get out like to a church or workplace?  If so, find someone who you would like to be friends with and invite them to lunch or coffee…also I would suggest counseling to help you overcome your issues... 

What has helped me?  Supportive people on social media who encourage me and even pray...so praying that you find someone to be a friend and you are able to overcome the problems.

This also sounds like me. I could have written it. However, I gave up on God helping me a long, long time ago. People told me that I had to rely on God's timing. But I refuse to believe that God wanted me to be miserable for 42 years. That is just too cruel to comprehend.
 
TheRealCallie said:
When you get into a relationship thinking it's going to "fix" you, the relationship is not going to work.  Fix yourself FOR yourself, not for someone else....

If the problem you are trying to fix is that you have no one to date, then getting into a relationship is a "fix".

Unfortunately, when you are born to be perma-single, there is no method to solve the problem.


bd1974 said:
This also sounds like me. I could have written it. However, I gave up on God helping me a long, long time ago. People told me that I had to rely on God's timing. But I refuse to believe that God wanted me to be miserable for 42 years. That is just too cruel to comprehend.

I ran into that conundrum years ago too. I was raised in a church family and everything could be answered by "God". Then when I got old enough to realize that if there was a God then he was a hate son of a *****, I then realized he wasn't going to solve the problem of me being stuck alone because he seemed to enjoy watching me suffer.
 
blackdot said:
TheRealCallie said:
When you get into a relationship thinking it's going to "fix" you, the relationship is not going to work.  Fix yourself FOR yourself, not for someone else....

If the problem you are trying to fix is that you have no one to date, then getting into a relationship is a "fix".

Unfortunately, when you are born to be perma-single, there is no method to solve the problem.

I would wager that for about 95% of people, that is not the only thing they are trying to fix.
 

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