Online dating - connected with a girl-all of a sudden on date day morning-"I'm sick"

Hey guys and gals. It's been a while since I've posted.

I have been having a rough/bad year when it came to dating.

I have another disaster story that I wanted to post, but decided to post this story more to have you guys analyze on what I should do.

Okay, so I have been a member of match.com dating site since late October of this year. I have spent about $160.00 for a three-month membership.

I have met that plus-size cambodian girl about three months ago, and after our 2nd date, she didn't bother to respond to my text, which I didn't care, because I didn't find any interest in her either.

I then also met another girl, she's Filipina, also a little bit "husky" around the waistline. She was a little better because we chatted at a coffee shop and had pizza/nacho together for lunch. We've spent quite a few good number of hours on the first date, until I had to part ways because I had plans for that night. Since then, we've been texting occasionally, but honestly, the frequency has been dying down.


Now the 3rd girl, oh my, she is a charm, and at first, I thought she was a fake Nigerian scam account. This particular thread is focused around this individual. Very nice and pretty looking Chinese chick who responded to my winks and a message that I've sent her. I thought to myself "nah, too good to be true."
We ended up sending a lot of personal messages (via match.com) that lasted for about a month. She was visiting her folks in China during the first two weeks of December, but still managed to send each other personal messages via match.com. I then felt more confident with this girl and told her to either send me emails to my personal email account or to send me text messages to my smart phone when she got back to the US (I gave her my number and email address). She got back in town about two weeks ago. While I was at work during my night shift, she sent me a cute text message stating that it was her, along with a kissey kiss emoticon.

I was touched by that, and then also sent her a text message response. Since then, we have been communicating via text message.

I then took the next step and arranged for a face-to-face date where we were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday at a restaurant.

I even called the restaurant to make reservations for us.

At around 8:30 in the morning, I got a text message from her stating that she was sorry, but she's been sick since last night, and could not meet up with me.

I felt heart-broken. Yes, I understand that people get sick, especially around this time of the year.

I then responded to her that it was no problem, and told her to get a lot of rest, and hope to meet up next week for a re-scheduled date.

Guess what? No response from her.

What should I do guys?

Shall I send her another text, asking how she's doing and if she's feeling any better?

I hate to keep sending her text messages, making it look like I'm being too desperate for her.

This is strange, because I have never met this girl yet. However, she texted me that she's sick and could not show up to our first date.

I hate to sound paranoid, but seems like someone, or the government is hacking into my phone and telling potential dates not to date me?!

Ahhhhh! I'm having a really bad day, really bad holiday season right now.

You sound paranoid. She's sick, give her a break.....

You should put the phone down and find something productive to do.

You're putting way too much investment in someone you haven't met. This will scare her off.

No way this is an obvious scam. And I know. For the last year I have been on various sites to sell products like furniture. This is exactly what happens. I find that a lot of the major websites are infected with scammers. Not sure what they are hoping to get but it is a similar pattern. I bet if you hadn't given out the e-mail she would have asked for it.

You can find out where someone is off their e-mail. The IP address is listed in the hidden information. She if her e-mail is from where she says she is. Google how to find the data.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

No way this is an obvious scam. And I know. For the last year I have been on various sites to sell products like furniture. This is exactly what happens.  I find that a lot of the major websites are infected with scammers. Not sure what they are hoping to get but it is a similar pattern. I bet if you hadn't given out the e-mail she would have asked for it.

You can find out where someone is off their e-mail. The IP address is listed in the hidden information. She if her e-mail is from where she says she is. Google how to find the data.

Click to expand...

So because there are scammers, every person who says they are sick and can't go on a date is an obvious scammer?  That, too, sounds a little paranoid....

Sorry to say this but I don't think she is worth pursuing. In your shoes I might consider meeting up if she made further contact with you. I guess everybody is worth more than one chance but there's so many time wasters. How can you tell either way?

When someone declines and doesn't simultaneously show interest in rescheduling, it's a passive way of saying: Nope.

Move on.

Also agree with above poster. If your default is assuming a government conspiracy rather than a disinterested party, you are paranoid.

Maybe I'm a scam. But if I tell you something is up and you write back something that doesn't really need a reply...I probably won't bother replying until I actually feel better. And if someone I'm speaking to is sick, I'd rather they just go be sick and not waste their time worrying about my feelings.

FWIW, when I'm sick, I don't even text my own mother back because I'm too busy being sick to deal with other people. Not getting an instant response when someone is sick is not an automatic FU.

nibbysaurus said:

FWIW, when I'm sick, I don't even text my own mother back because I'm too busy being sick to deal with other people. Not getting an instant response when someone is sick is not an automatic FU.

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OK I guess thats fair. At least she gave a reason why. What is FWIW?

Gray I hope it works out, would you tell us?

For what it's worth

Thanks

Disinterested (example): I am so sick. I can't make it.

Interested (example): I am so sick. I can't make it. I really wanted to go. Let's totally do it another time. Call me after the weekend. Sorry.

Evidence: Real life experience. Lol

Online dating can be discouraging.  I've had the same thing happen to me, so don't feel bad, it's a big club.  The texts back and forth, the build-up to what looks like a promising first date, for those of us who are loners, it consumes our thought-life.  Then the let down, "I'm sick" - and then the rationalizations, "people get sick this time of year."  

Then the nagging thoughts about, you're being brushed off....

Not sure what advice you want, I think you describe things pretty accurately. Since I myself have been in the same club, the only thing I can do is tell you what I did.  Walk away.  The only difference was I had one date with her... she contacted me initially, and kept up the communication until I asked her out.  We went out for ice cream, talked for two hours, and when I walked her back to her car, she insisted this wasn't a date. I was confused, figured she wasn't interested so I said goodbye.  That night, she texted and we went back and forth quite a bit for a few hours. Good mornings every single day....so I asked her out again, which she declined. I decided she was playing with me.  She was really pretty, young - single - mom, she was very religious which I thought might be a problem, and a clubber.  The thing that bothered me the most was one night she texted, telling me she was at a club nearby, and if I came right now she would "let me slow dance with her."  I told her I'd take a raincheck but told her to have fun.  After that, I stopped answering texts, until she faded.

I do NOT miss the games that go with online dating. Yet, I still say that's the BEST resource for people like us to meet members of the opposite sex.

I think that 1 of the problems is that you are texting too much, call them, make yourself appear human and not just a machine that writes to them.
Another advice I have for you is that whenever some woman tells you something like that and it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then delete her phone number ASAP - that way you are not overly obsessed about contacting her and you are not ******* it up by showing her how much you are pissed off.

and yeah the sick excuse is one of the most immature excuses in the book, last time I used it I was 23

bleed_the_freak said:

When someone declines and doesn't simultaneously show interest in rescheduling, it's a passive way of saying: Nope.

Move on.

Also agree with above poster. If your default is assuming a government conspiracy rather than a disinterested party, you are paranoid.

Click to expand...

Aw bummers. Yeah, I am shocked because I never met this girl before, and on the day of our first date, which was supposed to be lunch at a restaurant, she said she's sick.

This is what she had typed word-for-word in her text message
 
<< Good morning xxxx, this is xxxx. May I take the rain check from you? I caught a cold last night and feeling very sick this morning. I'm so sorry about this.>>

I then responded that it was okay and told her to get plenty of rest and that I hope she feels better.

No response from the girl. But from what Nibbysaurus has mentioned in his/her post, if you're sick, you are not in the mood to respond to text messages. I guess I'll take sickness at face value in terms of not responding to a text message.

So I then sent her another text message the following morning (last week Friday) asking her if she felt better.

Five hours later, she responded to my text message, stating that she felt better, but she's feeling "home sick." And then went on to wishing me a happy new year.

All in all, I'm guessing that she doesn't want to meet with me.

But why? I understand that if I had a first face-to-face date with this chick, and she didn't find any interest in me, where she would show no interest in me.

But I didn't even meet her yet, and she's doing this crap? WTF?!

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Celt said:

OK I guess thats fair. At least she gave a reason why. What is FWIW?

Gray I hope it works out, would you tell us?

Click to expand...

Hi Celt. Thanks for showing interest in this situation that I have never dealt with, in terms of a girl I've met online through a dating site, who decides that she's sick (maybe she really was sick?) on the day of our lunch date.

So I responded to her message (original word-for-word text that she has sent me is posted in my above posting) telling her I hope she gets better, to get plenty of rest, etc. I then asked her let me know what her schedule is for the following week. No response.

So the following morning (Last week Friday), I sent her another text message asking if she felt better. She responded about five hours later, telling me she felt a little better, and in addition to getting the flu, she was home sick, since she's originally from mainland China. She then continued in her text message to wish me a happy new year.

Yeah, I doubt she likes me. But I'm stunned.

I understand that she loses interest in me if I had a face-to-face date with this girl. But I have not even met her yet, and she's already doing this to me.

I hate to sound paranoid and nutty, but it seems like somebody is hacking into my smart phone phone and gaining information about my dates, where they're telling them to not date me, or negative stuff about me.

I have been through so many "I'm not interested in you" instances last year, or girls stop responding to my text messages, it seems really weird that I can't get past a first date.

I hope for better luck this year (I'm trying to think positively)!

bleed_the_freak said:

Disinterested (example): I am so sick. I can't make it.

Interested (example): I am so sick. I can't make it. I really wanted to go. Let's totally do it another time. Call me after the weekend. Sorry.

Evidence: Real life experience. Lol

Click to expand...

^^ Thanks for your past experience suggestion for my dating woe, bleed_the_freak.

*sigh*

I'm guessing this girl is not interested in me. But why? I know I sound like a broken record, but I have not even met with her and she's pulling this garbage on me?

I have done internet searching about this kind of scenario, and some posters in places like Girlsaskguys or Reddit mention that this kind of last-minute cancellation due to "sickness" is a sh-t test? really?

GrayAndLonesome said:

bleed_the_freak said:

Disinterested (example): I am so sick. I can't make it.

Interested (example): I am so sick. I can't make it. I really wanted to go. Let's totally do it another time. Call me after the weekend. Sorry.

Evidence: Real life experience. Lol

Click to expand...

^^ Thanks for your past experience suggestion for my dating woe, bleed_the_freak.

*sigh*

I'm guessing this girl is not interested in me. But why? I know I sound like a broken record, but I have not even met with her and she's pulling this garbage on me?

I have done internet searching about this kind of scenario, and some posters in places like Girlsaskguys or Reddit mention that this kind of last-minute cancellation due to "sickness" is a sh-t test? really?

Click to expand...

Lol, most of life is a honeysuckle test, yes.

Because, people are fickle nowadays. These online dating sites and apps are a hotbed of superficiality. People learn to +1 or -1 people for smallest things. You need to read the stats on these sites/apps because it will make you feel better. Often, more than 90% of the people on them are male and/or married and/or not truly interested and/or looking for an ego boost and/or trying to arrange an affair and/or just immaturely playing around. Yes, this is what society has come to. It's not your fault. You need to have a very thick skin and a bit of narcissism to catch the attention of basic bitches nowadays. Those types of girls aren't my style anyway. However, that's 99.9% of what you are going to find in that setting. Godspeed.

Gray if your feeling worried about your phone number could you try using another one for a time? My guess is youll get similar results anyway. I don't do internet dating but it looks like a numbers game and you must learn not to take it personally. 

The positive side to this is you met someone who could be bothered to reply to your messages. Keep it going and try to be relaxed?