Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Building confidence,higher self esteem and overcoming shyness?
#1
As mentioned in the thread subject , i want to talk about those things.
Can someone share some useful advices for more confidence building ways , also your self esteem to be more , and mostly important dealing with shyness/social anxiety... it's hard for the most of the time , especially with this shyness ..
Reply
#2
It can help build confidence if you do something that you are good at. Do you have any hobbies? If you don't, get some. How are you at sports? Maybe join a team, even if it's bowling or golf, just something to get you out there doing something active.
Exercising also helps build confidence (no, people, not just because it makes you look good, we've been over this before). Find something you enjoy doing. Running, boxing, marital arts, biking, whatever...find something and do it. The point is to not just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there and do something.

That will also help with the self esteem. Take baby steps, if you're shy, start saying hi to people you pass on the street, or the person that rings up your groceries or takes your order at a restaurant. Anyone will do. Keep doing that until it becomes easier. After that, add something more in, such as a "how are you" or a comment about the weather.
DISCLAIMER:
The views I express are my own opinion. More often than not, if I say "you," it is generalized and not to a person specifically.

My advice is based on my own experiences and those of my friends and family. I may not have a degree saying I read a bunch of books/passed tests, but I have been through a lot and helped others through a lot. Experience is often a better qualification than having read books/passed tests.

I speak in a blunt manner. I mean no disrespect and I'm not being rude. This is just the way I am, please do not take offense.

Take what you like and leave the rest.


Reply
#3
I find that a lot of online resources have really helped me build my self esteem. I recommend you take a look on YouTube for videos from Brendon Burchard who is a fantastic motivational speaker and author. I can also vouch for his books which will really get you thinking about becoming more proactive and adventurous in your life and feeling that you have something important to contribute. 

Aside from the online resources remember that you are unique and have every right to feel good about yourself. You don't need a list of reasons to have a healthy self esteem, you just need to dismiss the self deprecating feelings and accept positive ones. Don't rush the confidence building process, I have been actively trying to improve myself for many months now and it is barely a drop in the ocean but it will all be worthwhile. Not sure if this just applies to me but perfectionism was killing my enjoyment of life completely so ditch perfectionism (I know perfectionism can be positive sometimes but for me it was making me unhappy).  

Good luck and hope to hear from you again with a more confident persona  Smile
Reply
#4
These are MY opinions on steps of building things that you ask. If anyone feels anything is wrong in it, I don't care, you are free to feel so.
1. Meet more people in real than wasting your time in chatrooms, facebook, etc. Talking online with strangers, you can be easily called fool, directly or indirectly, and what not. This might hurt you if you are struggling to build confidence. Ask a person who just had it, its not a good thing.
2. Read. Cereal box wisdom is still wisdom. Sitting in a closed room with a bottle of beer and ranting about how everything is wrong with oneself does no good. Instead, read books and experiment about the things the author says. He may not be always right, find out by experimenting.
3. Become handsome. Looks matter, even if people say that they don't. Those women told you so only to be nice to you. Go to the gym and *muscle up*. It will make you feel better about you, and thus help you build confidence. More testosterone, more masculine. More masculine, more confident.
4. Write: You don't have to show anything to anyone. So don't hesitate. You will be surprised to see how much your sub conscious mind has to offer.
Imagine a problem that you have and instead, someone asked you for a stepwise solution for it. Imagine that you are a life coach and make a logical solution to it (or you won't get paid Toungue )
5. Be alone. Loneliness is nothing but aloneness+self pity . An illusion. Aloneness is the biggest gift given to us, because that's when we can be ourselves. Nobody to judge. You could pick your guitar and dance at your favorite song playing, in your room. Even though one might not know how to play guitar, he would feel so happy to do so. And nobody would make fun. Ever did that?
6. Do what you love. If not found what you love, start by loving what you do.
7. Learn. That is the simplest way to find out what you love, if you haven't found it yet. There are more than 10^10 things to learn.
8. Share what you read. This will help people learn and you might end up meeting some great readers. Believe me, its better to talk about that instead of food and cutlery and celebrities. Just give it a try.

That's all I can think of for now. Good luck
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
Reply
#5
(01-08-2017, 04:16 AM)M_also_lonely Wrote: These are MY opinions on steps of building things that you ask. If anyone feels anything is wrong in it, I don't care, you are free to feel so.
1. Meet more people in real than wasting your time in chatrooms, facebook, etc. Talking online with strangers, you can be easily called fool, directly or indirectly, and what not. This might hurt you if you are struggling to build confidence. Ask a person who just had it, its not a good thing.
2. Read. Cereal box wisdom is still wisdom. Sitting in a closed room with a bottle of beer and ranting about how everything is wrong with oneself does no good. Instead, read books and experiment about the things the author says. He may not be always right, find out by experimenting.
3. Become handsome. Looks matter, even if people say that they don't. Those women told you so only to be nice to you. Go to the gym and *muscle up*. It will make you feel better about you, and thus help you build confidence. More testosterone, more masculine. More masculine, more confident.
4. Write: You don't have to show anything to anyone. So don't hesitate. You will be surprised to see how much your sub conscious mind has to offer.
Imagine a problem that you have and instead, someone asked you for a stepwise solution for it. Imagine that you are a life coach and make a logical solution to it (or you won't get paid Toungue )
5. Be alone. Loneliness is nothing but aloneness+self pity . An illusion. Aloneness is the biggest gift given to us, because that's when we can be ourselves. Nobody to judge. You could pick your guitar and dance at your favorite song playing, in your room. Even though one might not know how to play guitar, he would feel so happy to do so. And nobody would make fun. Ever did that?
6. Do what you love. If not found what you love, start by loving what you do.
7. Learn. That is the simplest way to find out what you love, if you haven't found it yet. There are more than 10^10 things to learn.
8.  Share what you read. This will help people learn and you might end up meeting some great readers. Believe me, its better to talk about that instead of food and cutlery and celebrities. Just give it a try.

That's all I can think of for now. Good luck
Agree with all except 5. Yes, it's ok to be comfortable alone at times. But not all the time, and that's why number 1 is very important
Reply
#6
(01-08-2017, 04:30 AM)Restless soul Wrote:
(01-08-2017, 04:16 AM)M_also_lonely Wrote: These are MY opinions on steps of building things that you ask. If anyone feels anything is wrong in it, I don't care, you are free to feel so.
1. Meet more people in real than wasting your time in chatrooms, facebook, etc. Talking online with strangers, you can be easily called fool, directly or indirectly, and what not. This might hurt you if you are struggling to build confidence. Ask a person who just had it, its not a good thing.
2. Read. Cereal box wisdom is still wisdom. Sitting in a closed room with a bottle of beer and ranting about how everything is wrong with oneself does no good. Instead, read books and experiment about the things the author says. He may not be always right, find out by experimenting.
3. Become handsome. Looks matter, even if people say that they don't. Those women told you so only to be nice to you. Go to the gym and *muscle up*. It will make you feel better about you, and thus help you build confidence. More testosterone, more masculine. More masculine, more confident.
4. Write: You don't have to show anything to anyone. So don't hesitate. You will be surprised to see how much your sub conscious mind has to offer.
Imagine a problem that you have and instead, someone asked you for a stepwise solution for it. Imagine that you are a life coach and make a logical solution to it (or you won't get paid Toungue )
5. Be alone. Loneliness is nothing but aloneness+self pity . An illusion. Aloneness is the biggest gift given to us, because that's when we can be ourselves. Nobody to judge. You could pick your guitar and dance at your favorite song playing, in your room. Even though one might not know how to play guitar, he would feel so happy to do so. And nobody would make fun. Ever did that?
6. Do what you love. If not found what you love, start by loving what you do.
7. Learn. That is the simplest way to find out what you love, if you haven't found it yet. There are more than 10^10 things to learn.
8.  Share what you read. This will help people learn and you might end up meeting some great readers. Believe me, its better to talk about that instead of food and cutlery and celebrities. Just give it a try.

That's all I can think of for now. Good luck
Agree with all except 5. Yes, it's ok to be comfortable alone at times. But not all the time, and that's why number 1 is very important
One should not make meeting people a need. I know that some specific people would disagree, but isn't it same as, "Stop being needy."
If people come along, good. If not, keep moving. Why do we need others ?
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
Reply
#7
gosh I used to be so painfully shy it hurt. Who ever raised you...it is their fault. How old are you? if you're a teen then just wait--you might outgrow it. It's a matter of time. If youre adult then just realize that you deserve your place under the sun just like all the arseholes around you


Reply
#8
You need to figure out the root of your confidence issues and try and address them.

For me, there are three areas that have always affected me; body image,; shyness and socioeconomic status.

On my body image;

I'm an ectomorph, tall and lean and I also have what you call pectus excavatum. My sternum and rib cage did not grow in the normal way and as a result I have a noticeably sunken chest. It isn't a health issue, but it is very much a cosmetic issue. As a result, I will not remove my shirt in front of anyone. The last woman I was with had to verbally reassure me that she wasn't weirded out by it before I could be intimate. I wear a surfers shirt when I go swimming in the sea as well and when at people's houses and they have a swimming pool I'll be the guy sitting in jeans and a t-shirt while everyone else is enjoying the pool.

I have attempted to rectify my body image issues by weight lifting. While I do receive compliments which helps with my confidence, the double-edged sword of being an ectomorph is that it is incredibly hard to add mass to your body so I am still not satisfied. The weight lifting has also not helped address my chest, so yes, people tell me that I have nice arms and shoulders but you will still never see me in anything less than a vest around the swimming pool. I have also placed a lot of emphasis on my clothes, dressing to accentuate the positive aspects of my body while hiding my flaws. It sounds vein, but if you are not happy with the way you look you will show it and other people will quickly read in to your lack of confidence.
 
On my shyness;

I can probably trace that to playground predators from my pre-teen and early teen years. I was bullied and it drove my confidence in to the found. I'm an introvert, always have been, but introversion does not mean shyness. Shyness is something that is triggered and/or learned. My work has helped me address this somewhat by forcing me in to positions where I have to interact with strangers and I have realised that 99% of the people I meet are not the kids that bullied me all those years ago and most people actually seem to like me. I am still shy in new situations, but nowhere near as bad as I used to be as a teen and young adult. 

On my socioeconomic status;

People can say what they like, what a person does and what they can offer very much determines their social value. That is just the way society works and this is especially true for a man. I am not happy with my job nor my financial situation and this is no good for my confidence. How am I rectifying this? I started studying towards a degree part-time and I should complete it this year. This should open up new career opportunities and greatly increase my self-worth even if it is in my own eyes.

So basically be honest with yourself. Try and determine what the causes for your lack of confidence and shyness are and then attempt to work on these perceived flaws or traits. It could be putting yourself in new situations to overcome shyness, or learning a new skill (build your own bookcase) or changing the way you dress.
Reply
#9
(01-25-2017, 12:55 PM)Incognita Wrote: gosh I used to be so painfully shy it hurt. Who ever raised you...it is their fault.  How old are you? if you're a teen then just wait--you might outgrow it. It's a matter of time. If youre adult then just realize that you deserve your place under the sun just like all the arseholes around you

You're just a bundle of sunshine, aren't you?

It's the fault of the people who raised you?  Um, no.  YOU are in charge of your own life.  If you are a certain way, YOU chose to be that way, if you don't like it, you have to choose to change it. 

Deserve your place?  Again, um no.  That's just ridiculous.
DISCLAIMER:
The views I express are my own opinion. More often than not, if I say "you," it is generalized and not to a person specifically.

My advice is based on my own experiences and those of my friends and family. I may not have a degree saying I read a bunch of books/passed tests, but I have been through a lot and helped others through a lot. Experience is often a better qualification than having read books/passed tests.

I speak in a blunt manner. I mean no disrespect and I'm not being rude. This is just the way I am, please do not take offense.

Take what you like and leave the rest.


Reply
#10
(01-25-2017, 09:32 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(01-25-2017, 12:55 PM)Incognita Wrote: gosh I used to be so painfully shy it hurt. Who ever raised you...it is their fault.  How old are you? if you're a teen then just wait--you might outgrow it. It's a matter of time. If youre adult then just realize that you deserve your place under the sun just like all the arseholes around you

You're just a bundle of sunshine, aren't you?

It's the fault of the people who raised you?  Um, no.  YOU are in charge of your own life.  If you are a certain way, YOU chose to be that way, if you don't like it, you have to choose to change it. 

Deserve your place?  Again, um no.  That's just ridiculous.
Disagree but won't argue since they call me a bundle of sunshine already from causing a big "debate" in another thread.
Hey, I just stated my  opinion that I think might be helpful to him. If you don't like it, sorry. I was talking to him to begin with Smile


Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Mom is killing my self esteem Missingthesun 19 1,238 05-20-2017, 11:09 AM
Last Post: WallflowerGirl83
  10 winning quotes for those with low self-esteem NewOrder2016 5 1,470 12-18-2016, 06:57 AM
Last Post: Lacrecia
  Regular A.L.L. Anti-Loneliness/ Low-Self Esteem Drop-in Sessions...? Would love... MyTherapyisALL 5 961 12-11-2016, 01:51 PM
Last Post: lilE
  Self-Confidence Coach AlexD 34 4,221 12-07-2016, 03:21 AM
Last Post: AlexD
  Survey on self-esteem related issues Oniönhead 6 1,094 11-18-2016, 06:14 AM
Last Post: sothatwasmylife
  Interesting read on self esteem LonelyInAtl 12 4,676 10-24-2016, 08:59 AM
Last Post: Saddo
Sad Shyness destroying/taking control over my life, help? blendor 13 5,128 10-03-2016, 10:07 AM
Last Post: ihabl
  Shyness Research sstrauss 7 1,109 08-18-2016, 01:56 PM
Last Post: sstrauss
  Things that boost your self-esteem? TheSolitaryMan 35 6,628 08-10-2016, 11:35 PM
Last Post: Irreverent Gent
  Advice for on the spot self-confidence when interviewing Unalome 3 995 03-01-2016, 11:19 PM
Last Post: kamya

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)