Does anyone else have this issue with online dating

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EmilyFoxSeaton

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So I foolishly decided to sign up for POF. I have long sworn off online dating.  When I last did online dating I was under pressure to get married and have a kid. And now, that ship has largely sailed so I am doing anything now is just for me. So I figured it might be a different story. 

But I was reminded again that I have some sort of photographic dissonance with regard to online dating. Almost every guy on there, their photo repulses me. I am starting to think it is an issue only with the online dating format. Or in other words if you sat me down and showed me a series of total strangers I would find them all ugly.  But if I somehow knew them or knew of them or had seen them talk or just seen them walk in a room, I wouldn't find them ugly and or scary. 

But if say I knew the person without a photo for weeks and liked them or (just didn't hate them) if you showed me the photo then I would think it was just fine.
 
It sounds like you are projecting the superficiality of the setting onto the people, and probably rightfully so.
 
possibly  but it also seems like everyone seems hideous. Even not attractive people. I was thinking while I was looking (WHY CAN"T PEOPLE PUT UP DECENT PHOTOS!!!)

unless they just don't know how to put up photos. 

But I did a search for women as well and I thought they also seemed horrifically ugly.
 
POF is used as a hookup site by many people on there just like Tinder. I'm certainly glad I don't use those kind of sites because after your remarks I'd be offended. That's my takeaway from what you've said. There are people on here who are on POF and you just called them ugly. Something to think about.
 
Sci-Fi said:
POF is used as a hookup site by many people on there just like Tinder.  I'm certainly glad I don't use those kind of sites because after your remarks I'd be offended.  That's my takeaway from what you've said.  There are people on here who are on POF and you just called them ugly.  Something to think about.

As I made clear in the original post... it is an odd quirk that lies with me that when I see photos (anyplace really) without any context I find the photos scary, ugly, and upsetting.  This applies to women and men. 

But if I had almost any information about the person at all.. seeing that face on a human, who moves and I can get information from, I would find that same person just fine... no matter how objectively ugly they were (if they were).

I am aware POF is a hook up site.  :rolleyes:
 
I don't think she called them ugly. I think she explained that she has a quirk where photos of people in that place look ugly to her. Seems different to me.
 
Also... there is something about the overwhelming nature of it. I mean I limit the search and still come back with 48 pages. I think at some point they all mush together in my mind.

Might be better if the dating site limited you to 4 per day or something.
 
If it's dating you want you could try a site/app based on common interrests, there are even a few out that that will not show photos, I don't do online dating.... or offline for the matter ;) so I can't comment on the quality and/or availability of those sites and apps.

Good luck!
 
I think the OP is right - seems like a mental quirk of some sort. I can't put my finger on it, but Google might have an answer.
 
EmilyFoxSeaton said:
So I foolishly decided to sign up for POF. I have long sworn off online dating.  When I last did online dating I was under pressure to get married and have a kid. And now, that ship has largely sailed so I am doing anything now is just for me. So I figured it might be a different story. 

But I was reminded again that I have some sort of photographic dissonance with regard to online dating. Almost every guy on there, their photo repulses me. I am starting to think it is an issue only with the online dating format. Or in other words if you sat me down and showed me a series of total strangers I would find them all ugly.  But if I somehow knew them or knew of them or had seen them talk or just seen them walk in a room, I wouldn't find them ugly and or scary. 

But if say I knew the person without a photo for weeks and liked them or (just didn't hate them) if you showed me the photo then I would think it was just fine.

When I was online dating I didn't judge too harshly on the photos. Pretty much most people I met did not look like their photo. One person even went as far to use a celebrity's photo because he felt they had a striking resemblance (no he did not). Some people photograph better/ worse than their real self. In straight-on photos, my face is noticeably asymmetrical. In person, it isn't to most people (I hope). 

If you don't like their photo - that's fine. I certainly don't like my own haha. Are you comfortable with meeting some dates despite that?
 
Northern Lights said:
If you don't like their photo - that's fine. I certainly don't like my own haha. Are you comfortable with meeting some dates despite that?

It is kind of more frustrating than that because a negative photo can turn me off them as a person.  It is like that image extrapolates on to their personality and then it is hard to recover from that.   So someone who could be a good match for me might not be selected because of the image that the photo puts out there. 

I have decided to try not to look at the photos and just go on the results of the searches which match me.
 
You can try dating sites like Okcupid or eHarmony (this one is paid though) and try going on dates with those that have a high compatibility rating. Good luck...!
 
EmilyFoxSeaton said:
So I foolishly decided to sign up for POF. I have long sworn off online dating.  When I last did online dating I was under pressure to get married and have a kid. And now, that ship has largely sailed so I am doing anything now is just for me. So I figured it might be a different story. 

But I was reminded again that I have some sort of photographic dissonance with regard to online dating. Almost every guy on there, their photo repulses me. I am starting to think it is an issue only with the online dating format. Or in other words if you sat me down and showed me a series of total strangers I would find them all ugly.  But if I somehow knew them or knew of them or had seen them talk or just seen them walk in a room, I wouldn't find them ugly and or scary. 

But if say I knew the person without a photo for weeks and liked them or (just didn't hate them) if you showed me the photo then I would think it was just fine.

Actually this is not anything "wired", you are judging according to more important things that how somebody looks like, so if you ask me this is god, and sooner or later on that way you will find right person.
 
I was on POF for several years.
Met maybe 4 girls, out of the maybe 20 that actually ended up showing up. One was nice, the other three were, pardon the expression, batshit crazy. The last popped me the question after 2 weeks of dating, so I ran away....
Spent most of my subsequent time on the forums chatting with people.
Overall, it was bull.
Most of the "good" sites you have to pay for. I find you'd find better quality people than all those damaged ones at the local department store.
 
I wish I had known POF was a hook up site when I joined it many years ago. I might have had a more positive dating experience with the one girl I met on it. Although, I was still a virgin at that point so it could've also ended up being a truly horrible experience...
 
Women on POF are shallow and only care about looks.
 
Every online dating site or app is for hook ups. Very rarely you can have something more.
 
Xpendable said:
Every online dating site or app is for hook ups. Very rarely you can have something more.

I know at least 5 people who are happily married that met on dating sites.  I know more who are in long term relationships, so I wouldn't say it's very rare.
 
Were they under 25? People are more serious about relationships later in life, but when you are young and single is very easy to fall for less commitment.
 

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