Are most people unreliable?

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Northern Lights

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One personality trait that I've often been commended for is my reliability. I've been the "go-to" person for many people during their times of crisis and need. I've noticed that during my times of crisis and need these same people are nowhere to be found.

Flakes are a pet peeve of mine and I find that most people are flakes. I understand that everyone is busy in their lives but so am I and yet I can be relied upon. The shock! How is that possible that a "busy" person could actually be reliable! I find people use the "I'm busy" excuse to justify never being able to show up to work on time, cancelling plans routinely, failing on promises and being unreliable overall.

It's exhausting to deal with people like this at work and in my personal life. It is a pet peeve of mine! I'm the type of person that will call a restaurant again to verify the reservation was made properly or have a back-up plan to my back-up plan. When my plans change or fall through, I find it stressful. I am "very busy" and write my plans on my calendar and have an appointment reminder on my phone. I would never leave someone waiting for me and not show up. (Note: I am understanding to unavoidable circumstances leading to cancelling, but what I'm referring to is a repeated pattern of behaviour)

I have anxiety when it comes to depending on others because deep down, I believe most people are unreliable and are in denial about it. They become very defensive if confronted and respond with a sarcastic "I have a life!" when the reality is, they aren't a special snowflake and everyone has a life. The difference is that I truly value my time and respect others' time that they set aside for me. For a unreliable person, it would be in their interest to simply not commit to anything.

From my experience, I've come to learn that this behaviour is the norm. When a person states that they will do something, they will most likely not follow through. I have been patient and am trying to give others the benefit of the doubt, but all in all, I feel that majority of people are just blowing smoke when they talk. It feels that people just say things that make them appear nice.

I would like to be more accepting of the norm of unreliability and flakiness but I am finding it difficult. I find myself craving to meet people who mean what they say. There's the saying "A man's handshake is his word" but I believe people do not have pride in keeping their word and just don't give a **** about anyone else except themselves. I'm not too sure what to make of it and have come across several articles containing survey statistics showing that a large number of people are lonely or wish that they had friends. We have so much technology to help us connect to others but for many of us it is not working. I wonder to what extent has unreliability deteriorated healthy bonds between people. 

What are your thoughts?

(Post is just a combination of ranting, rambling, scattered thoughts and observations. I'm not sure what the intent is but it's nice to let it out...)
 
Most people are unreliable - and dishonest, fickle, selfish, and lazy.

I'm just like you in terms of reliability. So there are those like us out here in the world.
 
Just curious what generation are you?

I'm part of the millennial generation and my age group seems to be obsessed with perceived popularity. Building lasting connections with others takes work and it seems that it puts off a lot of people.
 
Northern Lights said:
Just curious what generation are you?

I'm part of the millennial generation and my age group seems to be obsessed with perceived popularity. Building lasting connections with others takes work and it seems that it puts off a lot of people.

Generation X

My generation is the same, just in a different way.

Still totally unreliable, mostly.
 
Here is a theory of mine...

like E=s MC squared.

The formula for flakiness of others is DIRECTLY related to how reliable YOU are.

So a high reliability person leads to everyone around them pulling back on their reliability because, with you there, their reliability are not necessary.

I am like you. I would like everyone to be reliable, on time, and with it. But that is just never going to happen. It almost feels like they have the right idea. If I was late to every event, I would never be kept waiting. If I said "oh lets get together" I would have a lot of people who liked me because they thought they had a friend but I had no intention of actually going out with them. I sometimes I think I just have been taught wrong.
 
This has also to do with people's personality and patterns of organization. All of those unreliable people are the kind that never make defined plans because things can not only fall through but change in the course of it, maybe they'll even change their minds. They always have something to deal with because nothing is ever fixed, basically living a very unstable life overall. To someone like you, that seems very organized, this type of behavior might seem unbearable.

I never really called them unreliable but I know lots of people that behave exactly how you describe. I would say that to be more accepting of it you would have to stop expecting them to become what you need them to be at that particular moment, maybe not even share much what you actually need anymore. A relationship might turn very superficial because of it, but it's better than feeling bad every time they show how unreliable they are.
 
bleed_the_freak said:
Most people are unreliable - and dishonest, fickle, selfish, and lazy.

I'm just like you in terms of reliability. So there are those like us out here in the world.

This. Exactly. Rarely do I make a promise I don't keep and if I do, I have a **** good reason for breaking it. I've also found that most of the people I know are not very reliable, especially when it comes to keeping their word. It causes me a fair amount of anxiety when I find myself in a position to have to depend inn someone other than myself.
Gen X here, by the way.
 
The trend in today's society isn't building longterm friendships with people, it seems more focussed on making contacts, like a crafty market salesman who will think the world off you aslong as you're browsing his stall, so a friendship is acceptable as long as you're interrested in what the other wants from you.

Not realy know where i'm going with that, hard to put to words, it feels like friendship today is all about the good, going out for drinks, parties, sightseeing and whatnot, aslong as it's light and fun but as soon as their is trouble on the horizon, it's no longer fun and not worth investing time in.

Deeper, meaningful lasting relationships seem to be going extinct in favour of drinking buddies and casual friendships.
 
Another millineal here. I've made similar observations across the years and see reliability as one of my best traits and on the flipside I see unreliability and inconsistency in thought and action as one of the worst traits. Based on the accounts from other people of different generations in this thread it doesn't seem like a unique phenomenon, but we can't exactly tell for sure because we'd have to get input from war and post-war generations to see when this trend started.

I noticed an unhealthy fixation on positivity and light happiness across all generations in this day and age. Social media is often blamed as an amplifier of this behavior, but that's a different topic that has been addressed repeatedly before. I suppose there's not much to do be done about though except to be vigilant and make smart choices with regards to who you surround yourself with. If you are an introvert, not feeling a particularly gnawing craving to be around people, you are better off with no company than bad company.
 

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