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Missing my old so called friends? Should i do something?
#1
Hey hey.. its been some time since i posted.
Lately, i've been thinking about old friends , and kind of friends that i didn't give the chance to them earlier when i could.....
We've been hanging together for the last 3 years , till last year when it wasn't like that (i wasn't interested , because i had some other things in my mind and that's why everything changed.) However, there were some of these people that i see from time to time and seem interested in me , i know everyone's got their own lifes but maybe this is some kind of sign for me? Should i get in touch again with them , or should i forget them? They are not the kind of people i want to leave behind , they have good intensions and everybody sometimes is making mistakes but that doesn't mean they dont deserve another chance. How do you personally get back at your o'l pals and get them to talk?
Should i make a 'outgoing'or should i just call it hang out? And after that , the bad thing is i don't know what to talk to them except school and topics they might not be interested in (like football , websites...) and from my personal experience i don't want somebody to feel pitty for me or to treat me like a joke,even though i make jokes sometimes when it's appropriate time and it's fun, but we can't talk all the time about joking and school things , in the last years i've had my so called change and lessons , so i think that's more appropriate , and to talk about school stories and stupid stuff maybe?  Big Grin
It's so good to see your old buddies to be remembering you and treat you like they were in the past and nothing changes to bad because of seperating ways , that's the kind of people i like! Shy
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#2
You could always just reach out to them and see what happens. Keep things positive but be prepared that they may not want to reciprocate. As long as you could handle the possible rejection there isn't much harm in making an attempt.
_______________________________________________________________________
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

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#3
Try writing down a list of subjects that you could talk to your old friends about; make a list for each one, & let them simmer in your mind for a long while. Don't rush into contacting them so that you can give yourself the time to feel inspired!

When you feel ready to contact them, don't feel that you have to force conversation from your lists of interests, it might be wiser to just say "hi, how's it going?" & hang back & little to get a feel for the flow of things, & see if they are receptive & willing to warm up to you. They might just have issue's on there plates that you can help with, or they might just be chirpy enough so that topics of conversation occur naturally.

You can always keep those lists as a backup, or for those awkward moments of silence, etc. The point is that you've taken the time to think about things, a possible friendship, & about them!

You can practise your friendship making skills on anyone too to build your confidence.

What ever way you go, good luck!
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#4
Yeah , but there is something happening everytime i try to get motivated , confident then it's somekind of stupid negative thoughts like this "What if they don't want to" , "What if i don't give my best" , "What if something stupid or bad happen in a social situation?" For me things like rejection , fear that something bad might happen and i can be at a bad light to see ... that kind of stuff......... It's really hard for me , because of old memories and i know i shouldn't be like this but nope it's happening... I get motivated , things like this won't happen , and then again stupid thoughts and excuses come up to my mind .. Maybe i'm overthinking , instead of doing things and go with the flow , or maybe i just lack confidence and self esteem which is a fact and that droves me back......
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#5
I've been in the position you are in right now, probably a lot more than once. I never had any success and I tried multiple times. The last time I tried, I reached out to a childhood best friend who I hadn't seen in over 15 years. We spend lots of time together when we were kids and have a lot of memories together. She moved when we were 13. I was looking for her for forever and when facebook came out, somehow we found each other. I was ecstatic. I really was. So I messaged her "Hey, OMG how are you??? I missed you so much girl!"  and got a very robotic response and then nothing. I was crushed. So we were friends on fb for a year after that. I was waiting and waiting to see if she would reach out to me and wanting to connect, but nothing. She was connecting with all of our mutual friends and seemed like she was doing great. Then I got pissed. I was so sick and tired of being snubbed my entire life and I said screw it, and I confronted her. Something I have never done with anyone regarding these types of issues. I sent her an angry yet from the heart inbox message. Basically just asking why? Don't you remember our freaking childhood? We had tons of memories and we hadn't seen each other in 15 years and you barely say hi? Anyway, I inboxed her the message and she responded with " you have no idea what I have been through in the last year, ok? My life has been hell. Yadada"  You know, before, I would have felt immediately ashamed after reading a response like that and then been so sympathetic but not this time. I told her "Bullsh*t. That is bullsh*t. You know, I've been through a lot too and probably a lot more than you ever have girl and I don't see why it would take a year or God knows how long it would have taken you to reach out to me had I not done so. I see you conversing and going out with all of our old friends, except for me. So if you were really depressed or "going through hell", then you wouldn't be talking to ANYONE, not just me. Furthermore, I was your BEST friend, if you were going through hell, I would be there to HELP you, be there for you, just like old times" I'm just so done with the excuses that I know aren't true. Shame on her for even trying to use that excuse to make me feel even more terrible about myself. What a lousy person to even do such a thing. It felt pretty good to confront.  Anyway, even though it felt good to confront, it still hurt me. It actually left a scar that burned for quite a few years. She was my best friend as a child and we had a great friendship.  The reunion I had in mind obviously did not happen. The fact that she wasn't happy to see me at all crushed me. I also feel like she robbed me of something and that something was, reminiscing. I was sooooooo looking forward to reminisce with someone about my childhood, I needed that so badly for many years and it was just gone, like everything else in my life. Anyway, I made this a huge novel but like I said earlier, this subject really gets me and I will never ever risk feeling like this again. I hope you make the right decision and it works well for you, but just letting you know, that it does burn like hell if you get rejected.
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#6
Reaching out to old friends...a subject that's been in on my mind for several months now.

Basically there are only four outcomes:
1. You reach out, they're happy to hear from you, or at the very least receptive, the two of you get a conversation going and rekindle the friendship.
2. You reach out, exchange a little banter, maybe make tentative plans that get bailed out on, and never see each other again. Better to cut ties. A good rule of thumb is if someone flakes twice in a row, let them contact you. But don't expect that to happen. Lose the number after a few months, a year tops.
3. You reach out, and hear nothing back. You may try again ONCE, within a week or two after your first attempt. Radio silence? Delete the contact and move on, you're both dead to each other.
4. You reach out and get a nasty response. If you know you had it coming and are genuinely sorry, you can try and make amends. Very rarely you may be able to turn things around and become friends again but in most cases friendships that have ended acrimoniously are done for good.

Obviously Outcome 1 is the ideal, and sometimes it happens, but more than likely after more than a few months of no contact or effort from either party, Outcomes 2 through 4 are what's coming.

Brace yourself for the worst if you think Outcome 4 is a possibility. Analyze why things went sour between you and your friend. If you decide to go through with reaching out then your best bet is to approach it with your heart on your sleeve. Don't split hairs, don't shift blame if you were the one that caused the rift. And definitely don't assume that the other person has forgotten what you did and bully on in with "Hey Bud!". I had a few old friends, and even a few estranged relatives who did me wrong contact me years later like it was supposed to be some sort of privilege for me to hear from them again. I sent each packing with extreme Outcome 4s. What really bothered me was not a single one of them was willing to take any responsibility for what they had done, and had this underlying attitude in their "defense" that "Oh driftboy, you were such a loser back then that it shouldn't have made you mad when I _____." A few even had the nerve to ask me for favors during these contacts, using absolutely no tact at all. True class. People like that have no idea what it means to be a friend, so cutting them off normally means dodging a big bullet later.

If the friendship in question ended due to a move, a change in life circumstances, and not due to an argument, you'll likely not get an Outcome 4. But what can be painful is when people who you had previously been friends with have simply forgotten who you are, and this happens more than you might think. After high school I lost a lot of weight and switched to contact lenses. When I moved back to the town in which I graduated high school (population approximately 10,000), not many people recognized me at all. I would bump into old classmates and have to remind them of how we knew each other. Even though we might have had a few friendly conversations, and exchanged contact details, I almost never hung out with any of those people in a social setting. It hurt at the time but as I've gotten older I've come to accept the fact that I really only knew those people for less than 2 years before I left for college, didn't talk to any of them for the 2 years I was away (my fault - I didn't think I'd be returning), and had basically become a stranger again in the time between. Don't take it as an insult when someone you haven't really been friends with or seen since middle school doesn't want to come to your 25th birthday party. It's not that they're mad, jealous, or think you're a loser. They simply have no idea who you are. And if you're honest with yourself, vice versa. Appreciate the memories, resolve to live in the moment, move on.
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#7
Oh , i haven't seen the last post because those months i have other things to do and i wasnt active .
So here's what happened with the people i talked about in this thread (actually some of them)

2 weeks ago i met a girl and we have fun , i posted some stuff on facebook , so as she on my timeline. THEN all of a sudden in a few days i contacted 1 of the girls that were in that group people that helped me somehow in school , and so on... i shared a little thing i wanted to say to her and i dont want to say here , but it was about me and moving to new things in now , so the next time she would act different. Ok , then i said i will not write anymore... well , it didn't go as i wanted but doesn't matter it's not only her in my life right now Big Grin And she is taken , but that's whole another story. Then after that i go out and do my sports , and what happened? Another her friend who i suggest is single and we somehow have history between us, she send me Request and my 1st thing that jumps in my mind was ... "Her friend X told her i writed , and now she is here to make me feel guilty about that" , and i said that i don't like getting into drama if that's what she's in for , ok not the best move but at least i said my opinion. Then the chat didn't go well , the girl was giving 1-2-3 max words answers and it wasn't cool at all. In the end she bored me and i told her to stop disturbing me and trying to waste our both time. Didn't care at the moment , but perhaps that was when i wasn't thinking with my mind fully. No big deal , i think it's stupid mistakes all of us make from time to time... But then at the end of the day i was feeling somehow stupid and even i think i did a bad thing. Really strange that i care about this ....
So the day ended and after few days AGAIN i met her , it's just that she was , is and always will be with friends and seeming like she's a big deal (even though it's kind of true) ... she waved and smiled at me , but because of the past which i really liked her and wanted to be with her but it didn't happen(not that she rejects me or she didn't care at all) but because i wasn't interested in ANY relationships because of how i felt back and deal with hard things.... But looking back now i would have done things differently. So , i didn't say nothing i didn't waved just turned my head from her and move like i didn't know her. It's a thing i can't explain but i felt i have nothing to say and keep some personal thoughs to myself because i don't feel i trust the people so easily anymore..... Ok enough with this , 2 days ago i saw some of my old classmates and all of them are her friends , they work in a place which is another big shop that's closer to me , we talked and they didn't seemed arrogant or bad because of the way i talked to her.. And 1 girl was so friendly and opened as she always was , we haved a convo and after i got out of the shop i started thinking why i haven't done anything to keep people like these in my friends circle , i've realised i lost very very valuable people that we could make great friendships , so the conclusion i've come to is that it hard as it sounds to me i need to forget about them and find new people , because if i get stuck in old friendships then it would be hard for me , and it's not a problem if we talk from time to time when we see each other but it's more of a personal opinion that i don't have to be friend with them if i don't want to , and if i dont feel right when im there then i shouldn't be! In the past months i met all kinds of people which are opened , nice and even supporting. I think that's what people i'm searching for , but it's up to me to keep them and display qualities that are needed in friendships and circles. And lastly , talking about friends ... yesterday i've just talked to 2 of my old pals that used to be my company 2 years ago Big Grin I see that nothing changed in there , and it felt so cool to have so many things to talk about and even have quality time.... I realised that some friendships broke after time , but this friendship is always there when we reach out to each other ..... 1 Thing that i excepted to workout it didn't , but when i at least expected things work better than you imagine! So im thankful! Smile And having friends like that is what every person that values his friends should have!

Other said from what i just wrote , the more these people i seen the more i imagined a posibility to be friends again when we are free , and no everyday all the time talks , just this came to my mind and i thinked to myself "What if we become friends in life and hangout sometimes" ? What if things become better , and everyone is changed since high school? Well , i think i dreamed too much about scenarios like this with a certain kind of people , but i guess this whole thing is not what i want to focus my energy on... It's hard to fix older and unhealthy friendships when they were not always cool in the first time. It's just not worth it , thats the true.

Thanks for the replies in here and i think this topic is over Big Grin
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#8
Personally, I say try getting in touch with them. If they don't reciprocate the effort, then they weren't really your friends to begin with.
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#9
A simple invitation to go out to lunch can do wonders, or whatever it is you might do together. I regret not keeping in touch more with old friends when they still lived in the area because we "didn't have much to talk about" due to my depression at the time while they were living it up in college, enjoying parties, etc.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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