Joturbo said:
Do you prefer a masculine man or a feminine man?How would you differentiate between the two? Who have you dated more , who do you prefer. Is it about looks and build etc. Just asking this because I always thought I was the second because(be gentle please) I've always gone about 50/50 with the chores around the house. Apparently not it's more about being more in tune with women.When I spoke to a friend about this she said when a feminine man asks how you are you can tell he really means it as opposed to a masculine man that doesn't bother or just sounds fake.However she couldn't think of any other differences so it ended there.I'm not commenting cause I've only just heard this term so would like to hear more...if not it'll drop of the page and I'll stick to my opinion that I am the second and not the first like she said.
Hi Joturbo, I've been doing a lot of reading about relationships and roles. Here is my opinion of what I've learned. The antiquated and traditional thinking is that the man needs to be the strong one, the one who "brings home the bacon" and the one who doesn't show emotion. He's the one who is in charge of the finances and he initiates sex. I guess this is what is referred to as the masculine man.
The feminine man is the man who takes on more of the traditional aspects of a woman in a relationship - taking care of the home and kids, maybe not working while the woman does, is more emotional and in tune with his own emotions, is more empathetic. And being more in tune (emotionally mature) with his own emotions, he is genuinely in tune with his woman's emotions. I, for one, am very attracted to a man who is emotionally mature. The "strong and silent" type is such a turn off for me.
I think that a masculine-looking man can take on the feminine role so in my opinion, I don't think it has to do with looks or build at all. I like a man who takes care of his looks and grooms himself well. I knew a guy when I was in my teens who was really skinny, had long hair and wore makeup (it was the 80's!!)...and he was a very masculine type. Looks can be deceiving if we have pre-conceived notions about gender roles.
In an ideal situation, I would love to be with a more feminine man. I'm naturally a bit of a leader when it comes to finances and the household. But then I do have my feminine side as well. I love being a homemaker, taking care of the fur-kids and nurturing. I guess ideally we'd both have more feminine qualities.
What your friend said...there is nothing more hurtful knowing that your man is asking you how you're doing, and you knowing deep down he just doesn't care. I can see what she means about a masculine man not necessarily being genuine like that. I think a lot of masculine types don't realize how transparent they are to a lot of women.
When I think of a masculine man, I only think of an arrogant "player" type but I'm jaded because of my upbringing and my current relationship. I've dated mostly masculine types and it got tiring having to chase them, feel validated or having to play the hot and cold game. That's just my experience though.
Now I hope I don't get crucified for this...but I think a lot of this has to do with age and maturity. In my own experience, I see a lot of young girls going after these masculine types. I think as women age, we realize that a more empathetic and sensitive man who is very loving and caring, is much more of a catch than the masculine type.
I can't really use my current situation as an example because of the abuse, but right now I'd say my role in this relationship is both masculine and feminine because I do pretty much everything and I need to nurture myself. If my boyfriend ever opens his eyes and deals with his anger and maturity issues (fat chance right?)...then he'd be a good match for me, because despite his anger and immaturity, he has a lot of feminine qualities about him and I do love that about him.
Edit: I just wanted to add, I've met some women who were very masculine and I have never been able to stay friends with them either because I find them cold and I can't relate to them.
