Vacation triggered loneliness

Hi all,

I recently went on a vacation where I was alone part of the week.  It sounds lonely but I actually (atypical for me) made a ton of new friends at the hotel.  I was hyper social all week and it was great.

Until I came home and realized how lonely, colorless and boring my life really is.  I work from home but I do get out of the house for exercise classes and the occasional happy hour, but mostly now I am incredibly lonely.  At least before the vacation I didn't realize it.

I am so bad off now that I continue to message with a guy from the country I went to.  He is 17 years younger than me and says he wants to be with me.  It is obviously a lie and a scam but still I go along with it just to feel something even if it is all fake.  

I'm not sure how to get out of this funk.  At my age it is hard to find a relationship, and close friendships are hard because most women have families as a priority and/or they already have many close female friends.

I'm glad to be here though and know I am not the only one feeling alone and isolated.

Missingthesun said:

Hi all,

I recently went on a vacation where I was alone part of the week.  It sounds lonely but I actually (atypical for me) made a ton of new friends at the hotel.  I was hyper social all week and it was great.

Until I came home and realized how lonely, colorless and boring my life really is.  I work from home but I do get out of the house for exercise classes and the occasional happy hour, but mostly now I am incredibly lonely.  At least before the vacation I didn't realize it.

I am so bad off now that I continue to message with a guy from the country I went to.  He is 17 years younger than me and says he wants to be with me.  It is obviously a lie and a scam but still I go along with it just to feel something even if it is all fake.  

I'm not sure how to get out of this funk.  At my age it is hard to find a relationship, and close friendships are hard because most women have families as a priority and/or they already have many close female friends.

I'm glad to be here though and know I am not the only one feeling alone and isolated.

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Hi Missing thesun ,you're most welcome to our lonly world.
You're in right place ,
Hope you will find what you're looking for.
Good luck.

Welcome

Missingthesun said:

Hi all,

I recently went on a vacation where I was alone part of the week.  It sounds lonely but I actually (atypical for me) made a ton of new friends at the hotel.  I was hyper social all week and it was great.

Until I came home and realized how lonely, colorless and boring my life really is.  I work from home but I do get out of the house for exercise classes and the occasional happy hour, but mostly now I am incredibly lonely.  At least before the vacation I didn't realize it.

I am so bad off now that I continue to message with a guy from the country I went to.  He is 17 years younger than me and says he wants to be with me.  It is obviously a lie and a scam but still I go along with it just to feel something even if it is all fake.  

I'm not sure how to get out of this funk.  At my age it is hard to find a relationship, and close friendships are hard because most women have families as a priority and/or they already have many close female friends.

I'm glad to be here though and know I am not the only one feeling alone and isolated.

Click to expand...

Hiya Missing, welcome to the forum  

Well, let me flip the script on you a little bit and point out that, if all it took to get that social butterfly out of you was a change of venue, why do you think that is impossible now, in any other part of your life?

I do get that urge to jump down that fatalistic bunny hole, especially so soon after an emotional high of what sounds like a really fun vacation I do also understand the contrast built thereafter. But a focus on the difficulties of age, isolation and greyness of current outlooks might make it much harder to recognize the other lessons such an experience is telling you.

Namely, that your current exercise class and happy hour excursions aren't giving you the things you are seeking emotionally. I think it's worth examining what was it about that vacation venue that caused such an uncharacteristic behaviour in you, what encouraged you to make the friends you did, what state of mind helped you do that. I think that might give you some idea of the kinds of situations and venues that are needed in your life now, that could bring more of that emotional currency and behaviours out from you and into your daily life.

I agree, deep friendships are not easy or automatic, but no friendship started off deep I think it might help the current "funk" not to look at the vacation experiences as some grand dark indictment of the rest of your daily life, but as evidence of your own abilities, openness and the possibilities you can still very much create in your own life right now

Haha, I can understand the dichotomy between the flattering attentions and the unrealistic nature of interactions with a young foreign pool boy likely looking for a sugar momma

[img=400x244]http://img.memecdn.com/Pool-Boys_o_90887.jpg[/img]

But remember there are all kinds of different pool boys out there haha and even tho some situations don't come with high hopes, don't close your mind to others

[img=400x322]


The things that hold back the most are most often not shortcomings and current problems, but the belief that things are ever unalterable or that your own influence in your own life can't be the driver of where you want to be.

Again welcome to the forum Missing, I hope you enjoy your time here and you have a great week

Missingthesun said:

Hi all,

I recently went on a vacation where I was alone part of the week.  It sounds lonely but I actually (atypical for me) made a ton of new friends at the hotel.  I was hyper social all week and it was great.

Until I came home and realized how lonely, colorless and boring my life really is.  I work from home but I do get out of the house for exercise classes and the occasional happy hour, but mostly now I am incredibly lonely.  At least before the vacation I didn't realize it.

I am so bad off now that I continue to message with a guy from the country I went to.  He is 17 years younger than me and says he wants to be with me.  It is obviously a lie and a scam but still I go along with it just to feel something even if it is all fake.  

I'm not sure how to get out of this funk.  At my age it is hard to find a relationship, and close friendships are hard because most women have families as a priority and/or they already have many close female friends.

I'm glad to be here though and know I am not the only one feeling alone and isolated.

Click to expand...

Your and my circumstances are different in the particulars but not so different in the basics.  I know what it's like to accept a fake arrangement, to see my life from a new perspective after returning from a journey and to look back at missed opportunities from the vantage point of age.

Well we'll never again be as young as we are now so all we can do is make some better results with the time we've got left.  Good luck to you and it's nice to have you in this forum.

Thank you all so much for the welcome and especially to Skyless. You gave me a lot to think about! Maybe I'm not doomed to marry Mr. Bartender for his green card after al.

Missingthesun said:

Thank you all so much for the welcome and especially to Skyless.  You gave me a lot to think about!  Maybe I'm not doomed to marry Mr. Bartender for his green card after al.  

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Hahaha, I was close

You are not doomed to anything Missing, you never were  Make whatever you want real. 

Go get em tiger

Hey Missingthesun, welcome to the forum!

Quite the story, but are the 2 most important parts are that 1. you had fun socializing and 2.you're not so far gone you don't see trouble when it finds you!

See you around!

Welcome, that's the thing with vacations, people can re-invent themselves for a week or two. I totally relate to your situation, I am also unmarried, no children, its really hard to fit in with other women my age, well done for spotting that scam, they know they are doing those types of guys!