Melissaur
Member
Hi my fellow lonely folks. I'm new here and first time posting, been reading a few threads and thought I'd start my own.
My whole adult life I have always rejected the idea of ever getting married or having children. But that's not to say that I'm a frivolous person who only wants hook-ups only or shallow and short relationships. Quite the opposite really, my first real relationship lasted 10 years from age 16 to 26, though it really should have ended 5 years earlier - I stupidly hung onto a ball and chain because I was too scared to be alone. The next one lasted almost 4 years but was probably doomed from the start, since he wanted to one day get married and sire children, I guess we had both hoped to change the other person's mind.
Now I am 30 and I have never dated and courted anyone, my previous 2 ex's were first my friends so there was no need to get to know them through dating. I signed up for POF.com and tinder, but so far haven't been able to find anyone that I can communicate with at a decent level. I've chatted to and skyped a bunch of people. Encountering communication break-downs in the very first conversation with a person is surely a red flag not to continue. Things like they can't spell or use grammar properly, or they have a foreign accent and I can't decipher what they are saying, or they say very very little.
Wanting a serious relationship without the possibility of marriage seems to be impossible to find. The vast majority of people seem to want either hook-ups only or wedding bells and nappies. Surely there must be others like me, but when you add personal criteria into the equation that makes a suitable partner even harder to find. My criteria isn't ridiculously high; someone who can support and take care of themselves, whom I can communicate with and who likes me. The few people I've matched with on the POF and tinder, who claim to be in the middle ground, either can't/won't be responsible with their lives or can't communicate with me.
It just seems like the combination I'm looking for in a person is exceeding rare, there's always one element missing. It was like that in my previous relationships and so I know from experience that trying to ignore one of those incompatibilities just doesn't work.
What is your minimum criteria combination?
Are there any other middle-ground people here?
My whole adult life I have always rejected the idea of ever getting married or having children. But that's not to say that I'm a frivolous person who only wants hook-ups only or shallow and short relationships. Quite the opposite really, my first real relationship lasted 10 years from age 16 to 26, though it really should have ended 5 years earlier - I stupidly hung onto a ball and chain because I was too scared to be alone. The next one lasted almost 4 years but was probably doomed from the start, since he wanted to one day get married and sire children, I guess we had both hoped to change the other person's mind.
Now I am 30 and I have never dated and courted anyone, my previous 2 ex's were first my friends so there was no need to get to know them through dating. I signed up for POF.com and tinder, but so far haven't been able to find anyone that I can communicate with at a decent level. I've chatted to and skyped a bunch of people. Encountering communication break-downs in the very first conversation with a person is surely a red flag not to continue. Things like they can't spell or use grammar properly, or they have a foreign accent and I can't decipher what they are saying, or they say very very little.
Wanting a serious relationship without the possibility of marriage seems to be impossible to find. The vast majority of people seem to want either hook-ups only or wedding bells and nappies. Surely there must be others like me, but when you add personal criteria into the equation that makes a suitable partner even harder to find. My criteria isn't ridiculously high; someone who can support and take care of themselves, whom I can communicate with and who likes me. The few people I've matched with on the POF and tinder, who claim to be in the middle ground, either can't/won't be responsible with their lives or can't communicate with me.
It just seems like the combination I'm looking for in a person is exceeding rare, there's always one element missing. It was like that in my previous relationships and so I know from experience that trying to ignore one of those incompatibilities just doesn't work.
What is your minimum criteria combination?
Are there any other middle-ground people here?