gaming friends

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Sheri75

Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2017
Messages
8
Reaction score
0
I have an issue with being jealous of my boyfriends gaming friends. He will accept friend requests from any1 even if he has no intention of playing with them again. Example 1. After accepting a FR it appeared this was a kid, new to this particular game and my fella would find him annoying, for the 1st few days constantly chat requesting and inviting to game to ask questions then not understanding what my fella said. He has not played or talked to this lad for months yet doesn't want to delete him. Example 2. He has friends from when he was on ps3 but has had a ps4 for approx 18 months and can't even remember who half these people are, but won't delete them. I only have 2 friends, one is fella other is a workmate who doesn't even play same games as me I only accepted request to not appear rude. Why can't my fella sever ties with people he clearly no longer has any connection with?
 
Is there some kind of friends limit I don't know about? What does it hurt to keep them as friends? You never know when you will need some help and maybe only those people you are obsessed with him deleting will be the only ones available.

Honestly, I think you need to focus less on why he doesn't do what you want him to do and more about why you are trying to control who he has as "friends" in various social media/gaming platforms....
 
This is a website for lonely people which is what I am and why I joined. I have no friends so of course if my partner is talking to other people when we r at home all weekend alone and i am sitting there thinking about how much I wish I had someone I could just pick up the phone and talk to someone I feel jealous.
I know I shouldn't be behaving like this but I can't help it.
Before anyone tells me to go get a hobby, let me explain a bit more.  I cannot do physical activities, I have had a full hip replacement which is starting to deteriorate and I have arthritis in my knees and a bad back as a result. I also work 30 hours a week and have a daughter with health problems so I often am up til 2am so in my free time I have no inclination to go out.
I am all for receiving constructive criticism and advice as I said I know I am behaving badly.
 
I think the fact that he is "collecting" friends on these platforms as if they're a dime a dozen is not unusual in itself and it's not the actual problem. It's just a habit many people have on social media platforms when they accumulate "friends" they've only met once or twice, racking up 500+ people. You stated yourself that he has no real connection to a lot of these people, so he's not really interacting with most of them, is he? It could just be a combination of being proud of the number, laziness and a preference for superficial interactions.

It's obvious that you are unhappy with his behavior and jealous about his connections. But wouldn't that be the case regardless of the numbers and his unwillingness to "clean up"? It's just that he has these friends and you don't. Just putting that out there...I would simply try to talk to him about your thoughts and feelings on the matter. But I think you'd also prefer to increase your own number of friends instead of just decreasing his.
 
I agree with  Rodent.    Have you talked to him about how you are feeling?   Would this still be a problem if you had just as many "friends"?

Also, you say you can't do physical activities and you have a daughter that needs extra attention, but that doesn't mean you can't have a hobby.  There are many things you can do at home or even just an hour or so a week outside of the home, it doesn't have to be a physical activity.  Could be knitting or adult coloring books or crossword puzzles or even origami.  Just find something that you can enjoy that might take some of the resentment away from you for a little while. 

This next part might hit a nerve and if it does, I'm sorry and I truly mean no disrespect or fault you in any way, as I also have a child with health (physical and mental) issues.  Do you ever feel resentment toward your daughter because you have to take care of her so much?  Now, don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying you don't love her or that you would trade her for anything, but when you add that, onto your own issues, and the issues with your partner....well, I can understand it and I have been there before.  You have to do everything, it's like there's no help for you,  no one to help carry the strain and exhaustion it causes. 

I know you said you have a shared arrangement with the father, but how often does he have her?  That could be another part of the problem.  Is there any type of group or camp or activities she could be in?  A support group or something like that....something will would enable her to get out there and learn more about what happening, give her more freedom, more understanding to take her own role in her healthcare.  And on top of that, give you the opportunity to meet people going through the same thing. 

But yeah, you definitely need to talk to your partner.  Don't be accusatory, don't make it into a big argument, talk to him calmly, help him understand how you feel, find some solutions.  What about  date night?  Or set aside some time each day to just talk to each other, even if it's only 30 minutes or an hour.  If you don't eat dinner together or it's a big rushed event, start eating at the table and share your days with each other.  But you really do need to stop trying to control his friend counts.
 
Thanks for both those replies.
I have talked to him numerous times and he does limit his time on games and we do have date nights and eat together every day, I am just jealous full stop of any time he talks to other people even if it is just game chatter. I have solo hobbies in the home but resent that I have had to resort to having solo hobbies. Most couples have their own friends so they will do their individual socialising as well as together time but I am totally dependant on him for social activities and whilst I love us being together I wish I had my own social distractions. Also I didn't mean to make it sound like he is adding rediculous numbers of friends or that he is gaming all the time but it's hard to say every relevant point without bombarding you readers.

On the subject of my daughter I resent that no family have taken any interest in learning to care for her in the 6 1/2 years since diagnosis, so no babysitters, this was a contributing factor to me splitting with her father. When I say we have shared care I mean we share care equally - 3 nights one week, 4 the next, so we both take equal responsibility and equal 'time off' so no issues/resentment there. In fact, my ex is now my only/best friend - not in the sense of socialising or talking through my problems, but in the sense that when we hand our daughter over we can sit and have a coffee and chat about what's going on with each others families!

Regardless of where I go from here I feel alot better to have been able to 'talk' about some of my issues and that you have taken time to respond.

TheRealCallie. I am actually glad you brought up the subject of my daughter, it is not nice to admit you struggle with caring for your own child especially for mothers so it is not something I can just bring up in conversation at work. Do you know if there are any appropriate forums on here to discuss parenting/dealing with health issues?

Thanks again
 
Sheri75 said:
TheRealCallie. I am actually glad you brought up the subject of my daughter, it is not nice to admit you struggle with caring for your own child especially for mothers so it is not something I can just bring up in conversation at work. Do you know if there are any appropriate forums on here to discuss parenting/dealing with health issues?

On this forum?  Not really, just pick the closest one that relates to it and have at it.  You could also PM me or check out the chat room.  The chat room is basically a free for all for whatever you need to talk about.....or just to talk.  No judgments and no insults.  Much like on here, but more of a chatty basis, more instant.

There are many parenting forums around the internet, so if need be, I'm sure you could google those for the issues pertaining to your daughter and the struggles that go with it.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top