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He is dating other women
#11
Twice in my life I dated 2 girls at once. Neither time was much fun. I honestly do not see an issue with doing it though, as you are still testing the waters to see if you are compatible.

As for him not contacting you over the two weeks... I'm torn on that. Granted you only had one date, but had planned a second one. I feel he should have contacted you at least a week into it, but that may be my own unrealistic expectations... I've always been the one to show more attention in a relationship. (Flowers on the first date, text messages saying good morning or good night, etc.)

His confusion is also because he doesn't want to hurt either of you and he's unwilling to make a decision. Or he's made a decision, but hoping it will resolve on it's own (ie one of you will drop out on your own and spare him from being the "bad guy".)
Why do I make up conversations and scenarios in my head that will never happen in reality...
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#12
(02-05-2017, 08:49 AM)hppnssseeker Wrote: I'm 37 and I have been online dating for several months now. I find it to be a long and exhausting process. I've only met 15 guys so far and  have felt chemistry with only one. He has all the qualities I was hoping to find and when he told me he wanted to go out on a second date I was over the moon. I thought that maybe my shitty luck had finally changed. He had to leave for 2 weeks to visit his family and during that time he didn't contact me at all. I found that strange so I texted him to check if we were still on for our date. That's when he told me he had gone out with a woman he met there and now he's confused. As you can imagine I was extremely disappointed. Isn't this just my luck??? Considering how we met I had already assumed he was seeing other women, just like I went out with guys I already had dates lined up with while he was away. The difference is I didn't meet anyone I'd like to see again. I'm not even completely sure if it's true or it's just an excuse he came up with to let me down easy. Anyway I tried to be rational about all this and told him I didn't expect exclusivity at this stage, so I guess I gave him my blessing about dating both of us for a while. The truth is I've never been in this kind of situation and I don't know if I can be as casual about this as I let on. I'm not even sure why I'm here telling you guys this. I guess I just needed to vent and maybe ask for your opinion on this whole mess. I'm feeling so down about everything!

I think online, or dating in general, can be a game of emotional chess for sure. You talk to someone while lining a date up with another in the hope of making the right desicion and not letting the him/her slip through your fingers. I had about 20 dates in total over a 3 year period or so, and have met some lovely ladies, but only 2 or 3 with that all-important chemestry.

It sounds like if he's already started to distance himself, then you may feel better keeping him at arm's length in your correspondence with him. He's loosing out and on the wonderful you and everything you have to offer. Keep your chin up and don't give up on love :-)
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#13
I'm not commenting on anybody else's choices here, as you do what is right for YOU. I find online dating a bit sleazy and creepy. Sure, there are good people there, but it's hard to spot them, when it is such a meat market.

I don't like the idea of meeting people with the intention of sizing them up for relationships. This includes real life dating too. Never been on one (but I've had a few relationships), and I'd find it incredibly awkies. Even if I chat a bit first, and we get on well, there is still a bit of a "hmm" hanging over my head.

Now, I've met three women online.

"Hang on a minute, old boy," you say. "Isn't that a bit hypocritical, and that you have had three and are now single, possibly not the best advertisement for meeting online. Or indeed for you?"

No. Yes, but. And yes.

See, I never met ANY of them on online dating sites. All the men were creeps, and all the women were "don't be a creep!" I do not blame the women, but it came across as a bit accusing, when I'd never met them. Also, every last one of them liked romantic walks along the beach at night (I used to live by Bondi Beach, and at night, IT WAS DESERTED apart from a few underclass teenagers sniffing glue. So where are all these star-crossed lovers wandering arm in arm along the water's edge? They also like candlelit dinners, they are always "I'm a beautiful single mum with a lovely three year-old". And the guys are all "I respect women, honest! I just want somebody whose hand I can hold and go to the movies with."

Hmm.

So how I met people was to go online. Not dating sites. Just go online. Forums, Facebook, whatever. Just meet people. Meet people of the gender you are not interested in. Meet 80 year-olds. Meet people of the gender you want, who seem eligible. But just talk to them all. Talk politics, talk about Bugs Bunny, old British comedies with laugh tracks, cars, clothes, astronomy, whatever. You will be surprised.

Also, and I'm no love god, but some advice. When you do find somebody great, that first online chat when you find it's been three hours and you've been having so much fun, you don't realise it's 1am, then YOU cut it short. Say you need to go. Even if you don't want to. Especially if you don't want to. Leave them wanting more. And jolly well check in the next day with, "thanks for that last night. It was great." Usually worked for me.
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