Hi Everyone
I've been going through a difficult patch lately, I've been trying to escape a deeply abusive relationship and finally I have been offered a Housing Association flat, this is excellent news, however the flat wont be ready for a few months and so I'm stuck with my abuser and he's really ramping it up, being very controlling, because he knows I am gaining confidence and leaving soon.
Anyway, my escape has taken around nine months to get the flat, I was homeless and living in my car for a time and throughout the whole ordeal my parents just never lifted a finger to help me. There were times when I was was terrified for my life from my abuser and even one time when a man tried to break into my car in the middle of the night (he didn't realise I was sleeping in it and got the fright of his life when I started screaming!!!). Through all this time I begged my parents to let me stay in their spare room, but nothing but rejection! Even when the man broke into the car, I drove through the night in a state of fear (london-manchester) after the incident, only to be turned away by my parents.
My mother has spent her whole life abused and controlled by my father and so understands what I experience on an emotional level, but unlike me she learnt to be the victim for the 35 years of her marriage and when I call her for support she mostly just tells me to put up and take it, unfortunately I have a strong survival/fighter instinct and so stand up to abuse.
My father has literally no interest in any aspect of my life anyway and it was him that flatly refuses to help or even speak to me on the phone.
This actually is not the first time I have been homeless, I ran away from home at 16 due to the bad childhood, father abusing mother/father neglecting me/ mother to wrapped up in the domestic situation. I survived at 16, so obviously I can survive at 35!
However, over the years, I made effort to build a relationship with them, I really wanted to be loved, but it was always one sided (I always made the phone calls, I always sent the first text), I got an education and worked in interesting jobs, but there was always the sense that they just were not really interested, I swear they don't even really know what I am qualified to do. I even recently qualified as an adult education teacher and I swear they don't even believe that I am one!
This was no different when I was at school, I was a straight grade A student, so they just stopped attending parents evening, uninterested. They never attended school plays even though I was a promising performer.
Anyway today I begged my mother to let me stay just until my new flat is ready (otherwise I stay in the abuse or sleep in the car) and again my mother said no, it would cause too much abuse from my father for even asking.
Its so painful to be rejected, inside I feel like a little kid who's parents just abandon them, I know most parents would never let their child (no matter how old) go through this.
Anyway, if you managed to get through all that - well done! Its been a bit of a monologue!!!
I wondered if anyone else has had to let relationships go with family members or been rejected by parents, how have you handled it? I am grateful for all comments (but I do respectfully ask, that if you only have negative stuff to throw in my direction, please don't bother, I get enough of that from my ex boyfriend, cheers)
Thanks
I've been going through a difficult patch lately, I've been trying to escape a deeply abusive relationship and finally I have been offered a Housing Association flat, this is excellent news, however the flat wont be ready for a few months and so I'm stuck with my abuser and he's really ramping it up, being very controlling, because he knows I am gaining confidence and leaving soon.
Anyway, my escape has taken around nine months to get the flat, I was homeless and living in my car for a time and throughout the whole ordeal my parents just never lifted a finger to help me. There were times when I was was terrified for my life from my abuser and even one time when a man tried to break into my car in the middle of the night (he didn't realise I was sleeping in it and got the fright of his life when I started screaming!!!). Through all this time I begged my parents to let me stay in their spare room, but nothing but rejection! Even when the man broke into the car, I drove through the night in a state of fear (london-manchester) after the incident, only to be turned away by my parents.
My mother has spent her whole life abused and controlled by my father and so understands what I experience on an emotional level, but unlike me she learnt to be the victim for the 35 years of her marriage and when I call her for support she mostly just tells me to put up and take it, unfortunately I have a strong survival/fighter instinct and so stand up to abuse.
My father has literally no interest in any aspect of my life anyway and it was him that flatly refuses to help or even speak to me on the phone.
This actually is not the first time I have been homeless, I ran away from home at 16 due to the bad childhood, father abusing mother/father neglecting me/ mother to wrapped up in the domestic situation. I survived at 16, so obviously I can survive at 35!
However, over the years, I made effort to build a relationship with them, I really wanted to be loved, but it was always one sided (I always made the phone calls, I always sent the first text), I got an education and worked in interesting jobs, but there was always the sense that they just were not really interested, I swear they don't even really know what I am qualified to do. I even recently qualified as an adult education teacher and I swear they don't even believe that I am one!
This was no different when I was at school, I was a straight grade A student, so they just stopped attending parents evening, uninterested. They never attended school plays even though I was a promising performer.
Anyway today I begged my mother to let me stay just until my new flat is ready (otherwise I stay in the abuse or sleep in the car) and again my mother said no, it would cause too much abuse from my father for even asking.
Its so painful to be rejected, inside I feel like a little kid who's parents just abandon them, I know most parents would never let their child (no matter how old) go through this.
Anyway, if you managed to get through all that - well done! Its been a bit of a monologue!!!
I wondered if anyone else has had to let relationships go with family members or been rejected by parents, how have you handled it? I am grateful for all comments (but I do respectfully ask, that if you only have negative stuff to throw in my direction, please don't bother, I get enough of that from my ex boyfriend, cheers)
Thanks
