Hello everybody, im looking for some point of views/advice on this.
Since I was a kid im social awkward, dont know how to make friends nor how to keep those that actually had try to know me. So for all my life I have been a loner and got use to the loneliness to some extend.
So that means I have had a life without much going on, no parties, no girlfriends, no friends, not many travels, not much really, for the last 19 years has been
work > home > menial things > sleep > rinse repeat
Last year at work thanks to some people that somehow help me get out of my caparace I got some looseness and begin to socialize a bit. I finally was goin out more often, at my 32 years had my first's; party with strangers, drinking all night out, waking up with a hangover in a stranger house, and more.
Also I got interested in a girl which was 20 years old and she at least to some extend was interested in me too!
Cool right ? No, why ? because...
Once she was talking about her family and life and very excited until at some point she say "im alway's talking, tell me something about you" I space out, I didn't know what to tell, and beging thinking about stuff, I only manage to mutter what I like and what not, and thats all.
Then she actually shaked me by saying "we have 10 years of diference im sure there are things you can tell me"
So my question is: how exactly should I go about this ? Not about the present but my (lack of) past. I understand what I have (not) done, but for the sake of me I dont know how to explain it to a woman that may ask me this and I have an interest in.
Like "yeah for the last 19 year's i've just going without paying attention to my surroundings and have spend my time reading, playing vgames and watching tv, want me to tell you the ending of..."
_
Also as I was saying early last year I was going out kinda often, but I never actually manage to socialize (click) with people.
My issue is that every time I did the same, stand there doing nothing beside taking the space. I just feel bad for myself and each time I think "what I am doing here?", "what can I say?" and "I wanna leave..."
I stoped hanging out, because I was feeling odd, weird, and kinda depressed with myself because even if things where changing I wans't. So I begin wondering if I even want to change, to have friends, to keep experiment with that I do not know, etc. When I realize that being in my confort zone (being alone) is more easy and less traumatic/problematic for me.
That was eight months ago and I have revert to my former self (work > menial stuff > sleep > rinse repeat).
I do not want to get used to the loneliness again and also I have many issues to deal with physical, mentaly but socialy im at a loss and I have nobody to ask or enough trust to confide in a person to expose myself/fears/ansiety.
Since I was a kid im social awkward, dont know how to make friends nor how to keep those that actually had try to know me. So for all my life I have been a loner and got use to the loneliness to some extend.
So that means I have had a life without much going on, no parties, no girlfriends, no friends, not many travels, not much really, for the last 19 years has been
work > home > menial things > sleep > rinse repeat
Last year at work thanks to some people that somehow help me get out of my caparace I got some looseness and begin to socialize a bit. I finally was goin out more often, at my 32 years had my first's; party with strangers, drinking all night out, waking up with a hangover in a stranger house, and more.
Also I got interested in a girl which was 20 years old and she at least to some extend was interested in me too!
Cool right ? No, why ? because...
Once she was talking about her family and life and very excited until at some point she say "im alway's talking, tell me something about you" I space out, I didn't know what to tell, and beging thinking about stuff, I only manage to mutter what I like and what not, and thats all.
Then she actually shaked me by saying "we have 10 years of diference im sure there are things you can tell me"
So my question is: how exactly should I go about this ? Not about the present but my (lack of) past. I understand what I have (not) done, but for the sake of me I dont know how to explain it to a woman that may ask me this and I have an interest in.
Like "yeah for the last 19 year's i've just going without paying attention to my surroundings and have spend my time reading, playing vgames and watching tv, want me to tell you the ending of..."
_
Also as I was saying early last year I was going out kinda often, but I never actually manage to socialize (click) with people.
My issue is that every time I did the same, stand there doing nothing beside taking the space. I just feel bad for myself and each time I think "what I am doing here?", "what can I say?" and "I wanna leave..."
I stoped hanging out, because I was feeling odd, weird, and kinda depressed with myself because even if things where changing I wans't. So I begin wondering if I even want to change, to have friends, to keep experiment with that I do not know, etc. When I realize that being in my confort zone (being alone) is more easy and less traumatic/problematic for me.
That was eight months ago and I have revert to my former self (work > menial stuff > sleep > rinse repeat).
I do not want to get used to the loneliness again and also I have many issues to deal with physical, mentaly but socialy im at a loss and I have nobody to ask or enough trust to confide in a person to expose myself/fears/ansiety.