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Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

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What do you attribute most of your loneliness to?

  • Not enough friends/family

    Votes: 4 44.4%
  • Current relationships are not unfulfilling/toxic

    Votes: 1 11.1%
  • No one really knows/gets the real me

    Votes: 3 33.3%
  • Anti-social/loner tendencies

    Votes: 3 33.3%
  • Social anxiety

    Votes: 3 33.3%
  • Other

    Votes: 2 22.2%

  • Total voters
    9

Ilvatresbien

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** Poll should say "fulfilling" not "unfulfilling".

First, I'd like to say hello to everybody (again). I feel like I need to give a brief background to explain how I got here:

- Raised in an EXTREMELY overprotective Christian family.
- Both of my parents sides of the family have deep issues so they are not close with their extended family.
- No close grandparents (except my mom's), cousins, uncles or aunts. When I do see my family every so many years, it just feels like being around familiar strangers....

-Religious preoccupation. It dominated my life for over a decade! It was a huge reason I didn't connect with people. I was a 12 year old kid worried about hellfire and damnation while other kids were having fun and hanging out.
-This fear only got worse as I got older and deeper into strict churches and teaching.

Good things: I did manage to graduate college and find a couple great jobs. But I truly didn't realize how abnormal my anti-social lifestyle was until I was graduating from college and had less than a handful of people to share my special day with...

Sorry for the long backstory! But that is the most important parts of it. I am now in my mid-twenties and fighting through my upbringing,  teachings and patterns to have a normal life. It is not easy and it may take many years but I think having a few close relationships is worth the effort.
 
Hi there,

I'm new too. I think it's great that you working on it to change it. I am trying to do the same. I am 36 years old. My advice would to be start working on it now in your mid-twenties so by the time you are my age, this isn't an issue for you anymore. Good luck and I hope to get to know you better.
 
The first time I came to ALL, I could have checked every option, now I'm checking none because none of them apply anymore (not even other). You'll find your way, if you keep working at it.

Welcome to ALL :)
 
Welcome to ALL Ilvatresbien,

I have some similar experiences with family, not because we weren't close, our family was very tight up untill my mothers troubles started, after that my mother wasn't welcome anymore, and me and my sisters weren't either because off that, I was 10 or 11 at the time and eventhough my mom got better with time, we were still excluded from all things except family birthdays it seems.

Also religion wasn't a huge part of my upbringing, I did my communion but only because their would be presents in it for me :p
 
MissLonely79 said:
Hi there,

I'm new too. I think it's great that you working on it to change it. I am trying to do the same. I am 36 years old. My advice would to be start working on it now in your mid-twenties so by the time you are my age, this isn't an issue for you anymore.  Good luck and I hope to get to know you better.

Yes, it's quite hard though, to be honest. I'll gain momentum and then fall back into familiar patterns. But I'll keep chugging at it. Have you had much success in your thirties meeting perhaps a more mature crowd of adults?


MisterLonely said:
Welcome to ALL Ilvatresbien,

I have some similar experiences with family, not because we weren't close, our family was very tight up untill my mothers troubles started, after that my mother wasn't welcome anymore, and me and my sisters weren't either because off that, I was 10 or 11 at the time and eventhough my mom got better with time, we were still excluded from all things except family birthdays it seems.

Also religion wasn't a huge part of my upbringing, I did my communion but only because their would be presents in it for me :p
Lack of family is really painful. Have things changed for you at all since being a kid? What're the dynamics like now with your family?


TheRealCallie said:
The first time I came to ALL, I could have checked every option, now I'm checking none because none of them apply anymore (not even other).  You'll find your way, if you keep working at it.

Welcome to ALL :)

It's inspiring to know that you overcame so much! :)
 
Ilvatresbien said:


MisterLonely said:
Welcome to ALL Ilvatresbien,

I have some similar experiences with family, not because we weren't close, our family was very tight up untill my mothers troubles started, after that my mother wasn't welcome anymore, and me and my sisters weren't either because off that, I was 10 or 11 at the time and eventhough my mom got better with time, we were still excluded from all things except family birthdays it seems.

Also religion wasn't a huge part of my upbringing, I did my communion but only because their would be presents in it for me :p

Lack of family is really painful. Have things changed for you at all since being a kid? What're the dynamics like now with your family?




My direct family is close, thats me, my sisters and my mother, my father lives about an hour and 30 minutes away and we are on friendly terms but not much beond that, I have lots of nephews and on birthdays/happenings I always have a great time with them and things are naturally easy, but apart from those gatherings there is little to no contact, and i'm not one to impose myself.

My mother has overcome most off her problems, but in truth she still has them but has learned to hide it better, for instance just this weekend I was over at her place when my sister called, the phone she has has been buggy for years and again this time it wouldn't resond and answer the call, I told her to just goget a new one and she snapped at me saying that won't help because it'snot broken, instead it's someone listening in on her calls.....
 
MisterLonely said:
Ilvatresbien said:


MisterLonely said:
Welcome to ALL Ilvatresbien,

I have some similar experiences with family, not because we weren't close, our family was very tight up untill my mothers troubles started, after that my mother wasn't welcome anymore, and me and my sisters weren't either because off that, I was 10 or 11 at the time and eventhough my mom got better with time, we were still excluded from all things except family birthdays it seems.

Also religion wasn't a huge part of my upbringing, I did my communion but only because their would be presents in it for me :p

Lack of family is really painful. Have things changed for you at all since being a kid? What're the dynamics like now with your family?




My direct family is close, thats me, my sisters and my mother, my father lives about an hour and 30 minutes away and we are on friendly terms but not much beond that, I have lots of nephews and on birthdays/happenings I always have a great time with them and things are naturally easy, but apart from those gatherings there is little to no contact, and i'm not one to impose myself.

My mother has overcome most off her problems, but in truth she still has them but has learned to hide it better, for instance just this weekend I was over at her place when my sister called, the phone she has has been buggy for years and again this time it wouldn't resond and answer the call, I told her to just goget a new one and she snapped at me saying that won't help because it'snot broken, instead it's someone listening in on her calls.....




Wow, I can't really imagine having nieces and nephews to love on but I'm getting myself to a point where I understand that having people around doesn't stop the deep-seated feelings that cause loneliness. Also, I had to chuckle at how your mom thinks someone is listening in on her calls because my grandma is very paranoid about her phone being tapped too. Somehow the government or her foes just have to know what she is doing...smh...
 

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