Avoiding people - because of what they said

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Restless soul

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Ok we are back to this a fresh wound. I avoid people 
Who made comments that seemed to have cut deep for me.
Then I avoid them. Forever. It comes from deep insecuritity 
No one here gets the gist of it. Some sick lady 2 years ago said her sister thought i was a guy wanted in bank for suspicious activity. Thought i was guy in photo. Looked nothing like me. Don't even know how her sister knows me she is like 60 this lady. Now how does her sister know me. I never liked this woman to begin with. Now I leary evry time I step outside I might run into her and it will set me back in a depressiiom and anxitey.


I mean she is a despicable woman. But made things worse
After she said this
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
Who would you like to look like?

What? I know that I don't look like some crazy guy on a wanted poster. That some sick psychotic woman and her sister say its me!!


This topic is not who I want to look like. Or who I wouldnt mind look8ng like. Or who I wouldnt mind being mistaken for
 
This is a fear now. Where it grips me.
I blame it on being so strong. On having no close intimate relationships with women. Callie says a woman or sex won't fix me. I bet if i spent enough time with a woman who was truly into me. I would overcome what some lunatic said to me 20 mins ago


It's only because I don't have that. And no prospects of that.
Which can make me so painfully vulnerable insecure. Like a newborn babybird just came out of its shell shivering in the cold


Yes being in a relationship. Having sex. Knowing you can have sex. Helps. Eases so much of that pent of anxitey. 

Knowing you can set up a date. Instead of waking alone all the time letting it fester and build up


I was talking about this with my brother. Seriously. 

II said should it really be so hard to meet someone you are attracted to for even a coffee? Should it really take months. Weeks. To maybe get someone who is in agreement with you? Might consider you.  I am not hidious by any stretch. 
Not freddy Kruger. I mean..something is wrong  
Yes. I hate photos. Yes. I take weak selfies. Some like them.
But it's me!
 
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Nice hair.
 
And then what about the women who just want some plain old fashioned fun? They exists don't they? Believe me I try.

Be it tinder. Or craigslist.  I mean hey, has to be one girl. 
Who will say? Want to fool aroud. Some fun?  AA drink? 

Wtf??


AmytheTemperamental said:
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Nice hair.

Oh har har har har


But you got it. That is exactly what I feel like each morning
 
Have you tried changing your routine Restless? go to a different coffee shop or whatever, make a little change just to getused to change, I do agree with Callie that having a woman won't fix your problems.
 
MisterLonely said:
Have you tried changing your routine Restless? go to a different coffee shop or whatever, make a little change just to getused to change, I do agree with Callie that having a woman won't fix your problems.

Hi, I see routine and envrioment as being the main contributors
To ffeeding my depression and negative thoughts. My routine i try to change here and there just by getting out of my usual ssurroundings at night for a bit. Seems to help me clear my head. But once again, another big factor is due to being alone so much. Which is obvious. That is a big one too.
 
Restless soul said:
MisterLonely said:
Have you tried changing your routine Restless? go to a different coffee shop or whatever, make a little change just to getused to change, I do agree with Callie that having a woman won't fix your problems.

Hi, I see routine and envrioment as being the main contributors
To ffeeding my depression and negative thoughts. My routine i try to change here and there just by getting out of my usual ssurroundings at night for a bit. Seems to help me clear my head. But once again, another big factor is due to being alone so much. Which is obvious. That is a big one too.

Are you sure the big factor is being alone, and not that being alone is the effect of the negative mindset and depression?
 
MisterLonely said:
Restless soul said:
MisterLonely said:
Have you tried changing your routine Restless? go to a different coffee shop or whatever, make a little change just to getused to change, I do agree with Callie that having a woman won't fix your problems.

Hi, I see routine and envrioment as being the main contributors
To ffeeding my depression and negative thoughts. My routine i try to change here and there just by getting out of my usual ssurroundings at night for a bit. Seems to help me clear my head. But once again, another big factor is due to being alone so much. Which is obvious. That is a big one too.

Are you sure the big factor is being alone, and not that being alone is the effect of the negative mindset and depression?
The chicken and the egg. But what I can say there is. I can say the negative mind set was always there. The issues negative thinking was there. But got much worse because of not being able to meet people, when trying.  Meaning online dating. Getting out once in a blue moon. With someone I want to spend time with. That would help somewhat.  Women willl help somewhat. A cure? A fix. No. Of course not callie is right there. Better being alone all the time
 
Restless soul, I also have a problem with avoiding things when they remind me of people/past experiences that I don't like. Unfortunately this led to me being cornered and feeling like everything reminding me of a bad experience. You should not limit yourself from trying new things just because they remind you of something bad, is what I've learned, or else you can paint yourself into a corner and be afraid to leave the house or whatever.
 
wallflower79 said:
Restless soul, I also have a problem with avoiding things when they remind me of people/past experiences that I don't like. Unfortunately this led to me being cornered and feeling like everything reminding me of a bad experience. You should not limit yourself from trying new things just because they remind you of something bad, is what I've learned, or else you can paint yourself into a corner and be afraid to leave the house or whatever.

You are 100% right wallflower. It can be crippling. And debilitating. A lot of things play into it. An idle mind is the Devils playground. I just now put my o twist on that. A lonley mind or a lonley life. Is the devils playground. 

Again. So many factors into this. No two cases are alike. 

One person avoiding a person, place or thing. And another avoiding the things.  But it is a toxic behavior that I will agree with. But its still open for discussion here I hope
 
IDK, are the people that you are avoiding ones you would come across on a regular basis?
 
wallflower79 said:
IDK, are the people that you are avoiding ones you would come across on a regular basis?

No, but people that live within the neighborhood. Can't really predict when I will see them. Which causes more anxiety. Which I can do without.  

I wish I can simplfy all my issues and break it down to say its because...I DONT HAVE A LIFE.  and I wouldn't be entirely wrong. Just part of the puzzle.
 
I don't have much of a life either. I guess if it's an anxiety problem, you have to work on confronting your fears and going out and taking the chance that people who think less of you might see you again.
 
Restless soul said:
wallflower79 said:
IDK, are the people that you are avoiding ones you would come across on a regular basis?

No, but people that live within the neighborhood. Can't really predict when I will see them. Which causes more anxiety. Which I can do without.  

I wish I can simplfy all my issues and break it down to say its because...I DONT HAVE A LIFE.  and I wouldn't be entirely wrong. Just part of the puzzle.

You've talked a bit about obsessive behavior, and this for one I would say qualifies.. you might call it a symptom but I truly think it's part of the root of your problems, I wish I could tell youto do this or do that and you'll be "fixed" but noone can do that, you'll need to fix that for yourself.

I think you focus too much on the things you want right now and not enough on what needs to happen to actually be able to achieve what you want.
 
MisterLonely said:
Restless soul said:
wallflower79 said:
IDK, are the people that you are avoiding ones you would come across on a regular basis?

No, but people that live within the neighborhood. Can't really predict when I will see them. Which causes more anxiety. Which I can do without.  

I wish I can simplfy all my issues and break it down to say its because...I DONT HAVE A LIFE.  and I wouldn't be entirely wrong. Just part of the puzzle.

You've talked a bit about obsessive behavior, and this for one I would say qualifies.. you might call it a symptom but I truly think it's part of the root of your problems, I wish I could tell youto do this or do that and you'll be "fixed" but noone can do that, you'll need to fix that for yourself.

I think you focus too much on the things you want right now and not enough on what needs to happen to actually be able to achieve what you want.
What about lack of sex life?
 
Restless soul said:
Some sick lady 2 years ago said her sister thought i was a guy wanted in bank for suspicious activity. Thought i was guy in photo. Looked nothing like me. Don't even know how her sister knows me she is like 60 this lady. Now how does her sister know me. I never liked this woman to begin with. Now I leary evry time I step outside I might run into her and it will set me back in a depressiiom and anxitey.


I mean she is a despicable woman. But made things worse
After she said this



So the guy in the photo looked nothing like you and this woman for whatever reason thought it was you? Ok, I'm trying to understand this. What you should have done instead of fretting over it and getting all worked up is wait for the next time you saw this woman and then inform her that it is time for her to get her eyes examined and after that to leave you the hell alone.

You said you don't like this woman and she is despicable. Keeping that in mind why -WHY- have you paid so much attention to her? And why for one second did you stop and listen to what she said and let her bother you? There are idiots like this all over the place. People who just can not help saying something about someone because they know that their words can hurt you. Laugh in her face the next time you see her and then go tell her to play in traffic.
 
BeyondShy said:
Restless soul said:
Some sick lady 2 years ago said her sister thought i was a guy wanted in bank for suspicious activity. Thought i was guy in photo. Looked nothing like me. Don't even know how her sister knows me she is like 60 this lady. Now how does her sister know me. I never liked this woman to begin with. Now I leary evry time I step outside I might run into her and it will set me back in a depressiiom and anxitey.


I mean she is a despicable woman. But made things worse
After she said this



So the guy in the photo looked nothing like you and this woman for whatever reason thought it was you? Ok, I'm trying to understand this. What you should have done instead of fretting over it and getting all worked up is wait for the next time you saw this woman and then inform her that it is time for her to get her eyes examined and after that to leave you the hell alone.

You said you don't like this woman and she is despicable. Keeping that in mind why -WHY- have you paid so much attention to her? And why for one second did you stop and listen to what she said and let her bother you? There are idiots like this all over the place. People who just can not help saying something about someone because they know that their words can hurt you. Laugh in her face the next time you see her and then go tell her to play in traffic.



Thanks, shy. Thats great reasoning. But it all plays into issues with other topics I posted here. Such as...

 being confused with others, compared to others. Not meetting women. No outlets.  Sexual frustration to the boiling point. No real life people to vent on these issues I post here other than my brother. And he is getting burnt out hearing it. And repeating the same thing over and over. I gave a few reasons why these things seem to be so significant.  And that is just a few.  Yes. Weakness. Weak self-image. Identity..you name it. Do I really need a psychologist to tell me all what O said. I tthink we are own best psychologists 
 

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