Exposure Therapy - Announcing Publically I'm a Virgin

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jason2023

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Hi guys, thought I'd share this video. This hands down is this most anxious thing I've done. Above say public speaking, the tube is the most uncomfortable, socially anxious environment for me because of the vicinity of people and you just can't escape! Every time I use it I get uncomfortable - so this was really scary for me to do.

Even thinking of doing of this made my heart beat more. I did it twice - the second time was better. It's funny because with repetition you can learn to just "let go", not give a **** and it's fine. You can read about eckhart tolle surrendering to the situation, but you'll never understand the true meaning unless you actually face something that scares you and embrace it.

Enjoy


Edit: Please note I'm not actually a virgin. This is an exercise being outside my comfortzone and trying to embrace judgement / awkwardness.
 
TheRealCallie said:
I'm sorry, but why is it anyone's business whether or not you are a virgin?
The point is you're saying something that is socially sensitive in a socially awkward environment. Thereby pushing yourself out of your comfortzone as much as possible (this is applicable to me but perhaps something different to someone else). By doing that, anything else just seems like nothing afterwards.

I'm sorry you don't get the point of the exercise. Everyone's different.
 
I think it's generally a bad move to admit that. For one, it really isn't anyone else's business. They might see it as revealing too much information and wondering why someone is telling them this.

Also, I've read lots of things saying that it's a turn-off, and not something to admit unless you absolutely must. I don't mean that you should lie about it, but rather, to try to avoid finding yourself in situations where you have to admit it. It makes your presence take a hit because it's not a very smooth, charming thing to say. It might cause discomfort in others. I used to think it was okay to be open and vulnerable about things like this because I thought it displayed honesty, confidence, and maturity, but now I feel like most people just see it as giving off a defective, "loser" vibe.

I'm not calling you defective or a loser by any means, I'm just saying that people are very picky in the hyper-competitive modern world. I'm not saying I agree with it, or that it's right. I don't think it SHOULD matter. But I feel like most people are going to see it as a display of weakness rather than confidence.
 
Well, props for doing that. While I'm all in favor of voluntary exposure to the thing you are afraid of, I think the point of contention is that you push other people out their comfort zone involuntarily by confronting them with "sensitive" information in an environment that most people wish to keep as impersonal as possible.
 
TheSkaFish said:
I think it's generally a bad move to admit that.  For one, it really isn't anyone else's business.  They might see it as revealing too much information and wondering why someone is telling them this.  

Also, I've read lots of things saying that it's a turn-off, and not something to admit unless you absolutely must.  I don't mean that you should lie about it, but rather, to try to avoid finding yourself in situations where you have to admit it.  It makes your presence take a hit.  I used to think it was okay to be open and vulnerable about things like this because I thought it displayed honesty, confidence, and maturity, but now I feel like most people just see it as giving off a defective, "loser" vibe.

I'm not calling you defective or a loser by any means, I'm just saying that people are very picky in the hyper-competitive modern world.  I'm not saying I agree with it, or that it's right.  I don't think it SHOULD matter.  But I feel like most people are going to see it as a display of weakness rather than confidence.
I hear what you're saying. I don't think it matter whether you're a virgin or not. That's why it makes it more challenging - precisely what you're saying. You're trying to be comfortable in a situation where there is judgement. If you're comfortable with it, then it's one step closer to being socially free.




Rodent said:
Well, props for doing that. While I'm all in favor of voluntary exposure to the thing you are afraid of, I think the point of contention is that you push other people out their comfort zone involuntarily by confronting them with "sensitive" information in an environment that most people wish to keep as impersonal as possible.

Thanks. Have a read of this pdf - it's about social freedom - that's what inspired me to do that video :)

http://www.adamlodolce.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Social-Freedom-ebook.pdf
 
It sounds similar to the rejection therapy I was going to try. The goal is to have some person tell you no every single day. You can ask anything as long as you get a no from someone once a day. Now I just get that through online dating. 😳
 
jason2023 said:
TheRealCallie said:
I'm sorry, but why is it anyone's business whether or not you are a virgin?
The point is you're saying something that is socially sensitive in a socially awkward environment. Thereby pushing yourself out of your comfortzone as much as possible (this is applicable to me but perhaps something different to someone else). By doing that, anything else just seems like nothing afterwards.

I'm sorry you don't get the point of the exercise. Everyone's different.

No, I get the point of what you did, I just don't understand why you had to announce you're a virgin. That's not socially sensitive, it's socially no one's business. When you have sex, are you going to announce that too?
 
Missingthesun said:
It sounds similar to the rejection therapy I was going to try.  The goal is to have some person tell you no every single day.  You can ask anything as long as you get a no from someone once a day.  Now I just get that through online dating.  😳

Yeah, that's a great exercise. Rather being outcome dependent and trying to succeed, what happens if you reverse it to the aim of getting rejected and thus achieving that objective would be the paradoxal success and desensitisation.

Give it a go ;)
 
I get what you are doing here, but why admit to something you are not? I get it's just doing something that's socially awkward but admitting to something you are not is a lie and doesn't really seem to do you any good. It seems to defeat the purpose of exposing yourself to people when you are lying. That I can't get behind. It's just making others unnecessarily uncomfortable. There are people who respect their privacy and others, so pushing something like that onto others is disrespectful towards them. There's a place and time for it and that wasn't the place nor the time. If you wanted to come out with something like that to your friends and family, fine, perfect strangers, not. But again, lying about something you are not is a dishonest thing to do.
 
jason2023 said:
Hi guys, thought I'd share this video. This hands down is this most anxious thing I've done. Above say public speaking, the tube is the most uncomfortable, socially anxious environment for me because of the vicinity of people and you just can't escape! Every time I use it I get uncomfortable - so this was really scary for me to do.

Even thinking of doing of this made my heart beat more. I did it twice - the second time was better. It's funny because with repetition you can learn to just "let go", not give a **** and it's fine. You can read about eckhart tolle surrendering to the situation, but you'll never understand the true meaning unless you actually face something that scares you and embrace it.

Enjoy





Edit: Please note I'm not actually a virgin. This is an exercise being outside my comfortzone and trying to embrace judgement / awkwardness.


That's pretty cool, jason2023, thanks for sharing. :)

I lived in London for 2 years and seeing the tube in your video brought back some memories. I sort of laughed when the other people in the carriage barely blinked an eye after you made your "announcement". :)

One time I was riding the tube and an older man in his 50s or 60s got on and sat on a seat directly across from me. His eyes were red, tears, rolling down his face. Something obviously had just happened and there he was, only a few feet away, openly weeping. But in a city of 8 million people, what to do?
Looking back, we were both undoubtedly outside our comfort zones.
 
SofiasMami said:
That's pretty cool, jason2023, thanks for sharing. :)

I lived in London for 2 years and seeing the tube in your video brought back some memories. I sort of laughed when the other people in the carriage barely blinked an eye after you made your "announcement". :)

One time I was riding the tube and an older man in his 50s or 60s got on and sat on a seat directly across from me. His eyes were red, tears, rolling down his face. Something obviously had just happened and there he was, only a few feet away, openly weeping. But in a city of 8 million people, what to do?
Looking back, we were both undoubtedly outside our comfort zones.
Hah, what can you do!

My mate actually did a video on saying "hi" to people on the tube. Similarly awkward. A lot ignored or just looked at him strangely:

The London tube is a strange place.
 
That's a funny video. Perhaps if your friend faked an American accent while saying "hi there" to strangers, people wouldn't have looked at him like he was nuts lol.
I hate the loud American stereotype because I'm not loud but I always thought it was strange that tube riders would sit in complete silence. I did too, most of the time. When in Rome, do as the Romans. ;)
 
SofiasMami said:
That's a funny video. Perhaps if your friend faked an American accent while saying "hi there" to strangers, people wouldn't have looked at him like he was nuts lol.
I hate the loud American stereotype because I'm not loud but I always thought it was strange that tube riders would sit in complete silence. I did too, most of the time. When in Rome, do as the Romans. ;)

And the thing is that wasn't cherry-picked clips... They were typically responses we got on the tube. Also a lot of people were very suspcious of camera around (I felt more anxiety filming than actually doing).

Hah, maybe we'll do an american and chinese one next time ;)
 
jason2023 said:
SofiasMami said:
That's a funny video. Perhaps if your friend faked an American accent while saying "hi there" to strangers, people wouldn't have looked at him like he was nuts lol.
I hate the loud American stereotype because I'm not loud but I always thought it was strange that tube riders would sit in complete silence. I did too, most of the time. When in Rome, do as the Romans. ;)

And the thing is that wasn't cherry-picked clips... They were typically responses we got on the tube. Also a lot of people were very suspcious of camera around (I felt more anxiety filming than actually doing).

Hah, maybe we'll do an american and chinese one next time ;)

I'm sure that would be an interesting video too. :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
This guy is embracing someone else’s “awkwardness.” Causing judgement for the sake of causing judgement. Completely offensive for someone who doesn’t have a condition or issue to say they have said condition or issue just to get a reaction. Defeats the whole point of this exercise and reinforces negative stereotypes.
 

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