AnonymousMe
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- Joined
- Sep 6, 2013
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Just a heads up, the manner in which I wondered this question, might be a bit awkward for some of you.
A couple of days ago, I was browsing some porn, didn’t see anything that caught my attention, until I found an amateur couple (I won’t mention who they are). Like I always do when I find a curious pair, I check out their profile, it mostly mentioned personal details about the woman, what interested me the most though a particular description of her. She states that she loves to travel and has been to many different places in the world, tries to experiences as much as she can and face all her fears, for life is too short. Well, good for her, at least she has the confidence that many of us lack, but I think she mainly meant her comment in a sexual manner; most of her videos were public sex. =/ I won’t get into details, but she was very kinky to say the least; her boyfriend’s a lucky man. -_- I then reflected about my life, I couldn’t help but wonder how many things could have been if I hadn’t grown up with my renal insufficiency problems, which probably made a permanent impact on how I view myself.
During my 10s, often times, I had to stay inside my house, in case something bad happened to me due to my delicate condition at the time, I had my video games, which have been part of my life since I was child, but I also had friends, both in school and around where I lived (except from when I was 15 and onwards), I definitely was a livelier person back then, my sickness wasn’t as severe and was still childish in some way (my mom said that I matured slower than average). I was courageous too, although I wish I hadn’t been, there are many things I made that make wish I could just erase them from my brain; they’re very mortifying and alleviate myself by saying that I’m the only one who remembers that. Nevertheless, despite the ups and downs, I treasure many memories, especially junior high school ones, where I felt in love for the first time, even though I didn’t made any moves on her, maybe my subconsciousness knew she didn’t like me as a boyfriend. Here’s a photo of her on our graduation day, she’s the one of the far left:
http://www.mediafire.com/view/88atbln2jaunu6i/Scan002.png#
The best way I can describe my 20s, especially after going through my below average 10s, could be: lifeless, completely devoid of joy. Couldn’t make any friendships, I failed more than succeeding; everything went downhill for me, even though I was cured from my renal insufficiency and finally being physically healthy, I somehow got worse emotionally and socially. 2017 is going to mark the 4th or 5th year in which I’ve done nothing but stay in my room and imagining myself in far better situations; I could have met people, gone to new places, feel new experiences, try new activities, etc. Now, some of you might say that it’s still not too late for that, that I’m still young (I’ll be 27 on May, for those who are curious) and still have time to accomplish things, but that’s now what I’m talking about here, I wanted to do those things in my 20s, it just seems like the appropriate time to have fun, people in their 30s have usually settled down and go through a different phase of life. It makes me angry when I see people 2 or 5 years younger than me traveling the world and having threesomes, while I’m aimless in life, writing on alonelylife.com in my dimly lit, moist bedroom. O how my 20s have been a waste, years I’ll never have again in my one, short life.
I know I won’t get far in life, but I am somewhat still trying to better myself, for instance: I’ll start going to the gym soon and I’ll buy a Smart car sometime in the following months, I still don’t think these things will make a big difference, but at least everyone around me will see me a bit more positively.
Enough of me though, who else feels like this? Or is it just me?
BTW, what's the masturbation thread about? =|
A couple of days ago, I was browsing some porn, didn’t see anything that caught my attention, until I found an amateur couple (I won’t mention who they are). Like I always do when I find a curious pair, I check out their profile, it mostly mentioned personal details about the woman, what interested me the most though a particular description of her. She states that she loves to travel and has been to many different places in the world, tries to experiences as much as she can and face all her fears, for life is too short. Well, good for her, at least she has the confidence that many of us lack, but I think she mainly meant her comment in a sexual manner; most of her videos were public sex. =/ I won’t get into details, but she was very kinky to say the least; her boyfriend’s a lucky man. -_- I then reflected about my life, I couldn’t help but wonder how many things could have been if I hadn’t grown up with my renal insufficiency problems, which probably made a permanent impact on how I view myself.
During my 10s, often times, I had to stay inside my house, in case something bad happened to me due to my delicate condition at the time, I had my video games, which have been part of my life since I was child, but I also had friends, both in school and around where I lived (except from when I was 15 and onwards), I definitely was a livelier person back then, my sickness wasn’t as severe and was still childish in some way (my mom said that I matured slower than average). I was courageous too, although I wish I hadn’t been, there are many things I made that make wish I could just erase them from my brain; they’re very mortifying and alleviate myself by saying that I’m the only one who remembers that. Nevertheless, despite the ups and downs, I treasure many memories, especially junior high school ones, where I felt in love for the first time, even though I didn’t made any moves on her, maybe my subconsciousness knew she didn’t like me as a boyfriend. Here’s a photo of her on our graduation day, she’s the one of the far left:
http://www.mediafire.com/view/88atbln2jaunu6i/Scan002.png#
The best way I can describe my 20s, especially after going through my below average 10s, could be: lifeless, completely devoid of joy. Couldn’t make any friendships, I failed more than succeeding; everything went downhill for me, even though I was cured from my renal insufficiency and finally being physically healthy, I somehow got worse emotionally and socially. 2017 is going to mark the 4th or 5th year in which I’ve done nothing but stay in my room and imagining myself in far better situations; I could have met people, gone to new places, feel new experiences, try new activities, etc. Now, some of you might say that it’s still not too late for that, that I’m still young (I’ll be 27 on May, for those who are curious) and still have time to accomplish things, but that’s now what I’m talking about here, I wanted to do those things in my 20s, it just seems like the appropriate time to have fun, people in their 30s have usually settled down and go through a different phase of life. It makes me angry when I see people 2 or 5 years younger than me traveling the world and having threesomes, while I’m aimless in life, writing on alonelylife.com in my dimly lit, moist bedroom. O how my 20s have been a waste, years I’ll never have again in my one, short life.
I know I won’t get far in life, but I am somewhat still trying to better myself, for instance: I’ll start going to the gym soon and I’ll buy a Smart car sometime in the following months, I still don’t think these things will make a big difference, but at least everyone around me will see me a bit more positively.
Enough of me though, who else feels like this? Or is it just me?
BTW, what's the masturbation thread about? =|