loser4life
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- Jun 20, 2016
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So hey guys. Let me get straight to my story. Buckle up, 'cause this is going to be a long one. I know most of you won't be interested in this. But still...
I'm a 23 year old guy. Let me say that I was brought up in such a way that I couldn't function normally anywhere else but my house. I live with my mom, dad and bro. I live together with them because my mom and dad are kind of illiterate. They can't get jobs. We are very poor and could barely make ends meet. I don't talk to my bro because we had a fight when we were young. My mom and dad are extremely old-fashioned and they brought me up in a way, which according to them is very sweet but very very bad for real life. They never let me go out because they thought I might get hurt or I might acquire bad behaviors from others.
I don't talk to anybody much except my mom. Besides being a house wife, she has a lot of work and she cannot really afford the time with me. She has to cook, wash clothes, clean the house, take care of my uncle's little kids often (as they stay next to my house). She has a lot on her plate. So I'm always online on the computer. I've been on Omegle for years trying my luck but you know how it is. I have had a lot of friends when I was younger. When you were a kid, nothing mattered much and you just be yourself and honest right? I was one of the really popular kids in school growing up. I talked to everybody.
Eventually I had to change schools because my older school was very bad in education. So my parents put me in a new school where most of the rich kids went. That's where it all started. I felt more and more empty as people valued more materialistic things than having friends. I got rejected by a lot of people just because they had more things that I didn't. I felt inferior to everyone and my confidence and self-esteem dropped drastically in one year. It got worse in my final year of high school. But I managed to make one friend who was in a similar boat. I knew something was wrong but couldn't actually figure out what was wrong. I thought the people there was just mean and that if I go to college, people there will be better. Oh boy was I ever wrong?! I managed to get a very good college because of the only positive thing that happened in high school -> good grades. My parents got educational loans and put me up in that college.
But college was worse. Way way worse. I started valuing materialistic things more and I felt really bad more than ever. I kept going to college because I didn't want my parents to get heartbroken. I had no one to share my feelings with except the one friend I had from high school. But he too would always be busy with college (he went to a different college) and his other non-loser friends. I lacked social skills and I had crippling social anxiety because of the way I was brought up. I hung in there and gave my best every single day. But every morning when I get up, I get this very bad pain inside my mind and my body becomes extremely lazy. So lazy that I have to drag myself out to college. I would never go to class even if dragged myself to college. I'd hang out in bus alone or go to some cafeteria and eat alone. My grades got bad. My attendance plummeted. After one year it was too much to handle that I decided I can't do it anymore. I dropped out.
But my parents, as I expected, were heartbroken and they didn't force me to go back for a month. After a month, they wanted me to go back to college somehow and resume my education because it was our last resort to make some significant amount of money to survive. "Who would hire a high school graduate?", they'd ask. I mustered up all the energy I possibly could and wanted to give college one more try. I got into one more college. I was so focused on not to concentrate on anything else except studies but it didn't last long. I got very good grades but still it was so depressing. I dropped out once again and this time I picked a lot of bad habits. Like smoking, drinking too much and all that honeysuckle.
This time my parents got scared that if they push me any more, I might do something that they might regret forever. So that's it. Telling me to go to college never happened again. I just lurked inside the house 24x7x365 for two straight years. I just "existed" and watched TV series, movies, anime and not to mention a lot of porn. Time went by and every day I'd feel like I'm carrying this huge weight inside me. Nobody knows that I smoke or drink except my one friend. He'd be the one I go to when things got really bad. He was there for me a lot of times but not always. He had other things and most importantly, he had a life unlike me. He got a job and a girlfriend so as one might think, he had other priorities in life now.
So, I became lonely and developed a lot of mental problems. I have been diagnosed clinically to be depressed. I have had OCD since when I was a kid. Okay, now some of you might be thinking that OCD is just a fancy way of saying "I like colors separately organized or I hate uneven things" but that's not it. This is some serious honeysuckle. Serious to that point that I don't mind hurting myself just so things are even or organized. Let me give you guys some examples. Remember how much it hurts if the little toe hits the edge of something? So this is how it feels to me. If a toe on one leg hits some desk or wall and hurts, I want to experience equal pain in my other leg's toe too. I find it extremely uneasy to sit or stand with one leg or arm in a different position than the other one. There are more things but you get the point.
Finally, last July I managed to get a job. I decided to go to work no matter how less the pay is and let me tell you, the pay was very less. I would never talk much to anyone in office. Since I was rejected a lot by people, I just forgot how to make friends and how to talk to people. I would want to talk to people but I just couldn't get myself to. I wouldn't know what to talk even when I get the chance. Since I grew up alone and without any girl friends (notice the space between girl and friends), I would want to put my dick inside any girl I thought was good looking. I'd have crushes on every single girl that walked by. "If only I could fresia every good looking girl", I used to think to myself.
Fast forward six months, now I got a good job in a reputed company with a slightly better pay than my previous company. Since this is a reputed company, most of the rich people went here. Even guys that got my pay had a car, a girlfriend and wads and wads of cash. Guess what's happening now? I'm feeling inferior to everyone again. Since there are a lot of good looking girls in this locality, my mind stops working and my penis starts working aggressively. I know for a fact that no one, literally NO ONE would want to be a friend of mine let alone girlfriend. I've finally gave up any hope of getting any friends or girlfriend in real life. This is it.
So, that's my story. I know most people won't read this huge-ass story but I just wanted to get this out of my chest. If you've read this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please do drop me a message or say hi. I'd be delighted to have friends on the interwebs because I can't have friends in real life. I don't give a honeysuckle about gender, race, status, class or any such honeysuckle anymore. I just want to have friends. Being lonely has really taken a toll on me. So, if you'd like to be my friend, don't hesitate.
Thanks. :shy:
I'm a 23 year old guy. Let me say that I was brought up in such a way that I couldn't function normally anywhere else but my house. I live with my mom, dad and bro. I live together with them because my mom and dad are kind of illiterate. They can't get jobs. We are very poor and could barely make ends meet. I don't talk to my bro because we had a fight when we were young. My mom and dad are extremely old-fashioned and they brought me up in a way, which according to them is very sweet but very very bad for real life. They never let me go out because they thought I might get hurt or I might acquire bad behaviors from others.
I don't talk to anybody much except my mom. Besides being a house wife, she has a lot of work and she cannot really afford the time with me. She has to cook, wash clothes, clean the house, take care of my uncle's little kids often (as they stay next to my house). She has a lot on her plate. So I'm always online on the computer. I've been on Omegle for years trying my luck but you know how it is. I have had a lot of friends when I was younger. When you were a kid, nothing mattered much and you just be yourself and honest right? I was one of the really popular kids in school growing up. I talked to everybody.
Eventually I had to change schools because my older school was very bad in education. So my parents put me in a new school where most of the rich kids went. That's where it all started. I felt more and more empty as people valued more materialistic things than having friends. I got rejected by a lot of people just because they had more things that I didn't. I felt inferior to everyone and my confidence and self-esteem dropped drastically in one year. It got worse in my final year of high school. But I managed to make one friend who was in a similar boat. I knew something was wrong but couldn't actually figure out what was wrong. I thought the people there was just mean and that if I go to college, people there will be better. Oh boy was I ever wrong?! I managed to get a very good college because of the only positive thing that happened in high school -> good grades. My parents got educational loans and put me up in that college.
But college was worse. Way way worse. I started valuing materialistic things more and I felt really bad more than ever. I kept going to college because I didn't want my parents to get heartbroken. I had no one to share my feelings with except the one friend I had from high school. But he too would always be busy with college (he went to a different college) and his other non-loser friends. I lacked social skills and I had crippling social anxiety because of the way I was brought up. I hung in there and gave my best every single day. But every morning when I get up, I get this very bad pain inside my mind and my body becomes extremely lazy. So lazy that I have to drag myself out to college. I would never go to class even if dragged myself to college. I'd hang out in bus alone or go to some cafeteria and eat alone. My grades got bad. My attendance plummeted. After one year it was too much to handle that I decided I can't do it anymore. I dropped out.
But my parents, as I expected, were heartbroken and they didn't force me to go back for a month. After a month, they wanted me to go back to college somehow and resume my education because it was our last resort to make some significant amount of money to survive. "Who would hire a high school graduate?", they'd ask. I mustered up all the energy I possibly could and wanted to give college one more try. I got into one more college. I was so focused on not to concentrate on anything else except studies but it didn't last long. I got very good grades but still it was so depressing. I dropped out once again and this time I picked a lot of bad habits. Like smoking, drinking too much and all that honeysuckle.
This time my parents got scared that if they push me any more, I might do something that they might regret forever. So that's it. Telling me to go to college never happened again. I just lurked inside the house 24x7x365 for two straight years. I just "existed" and watched TV series, movies, anime and not to mention a lot of porn. Time went by and every day I'd feel like I'm carrying this huge weight inside me. Nobody knows that I smoke or drink except my one friend. He'd be the one I go to when things got really bad. He was there for me a lot of times but not always. He had other things and most importantly, he had a life unlike me. He got a job and a girlfriend so as one might think, he had other priorities in life now.
So, I became lonely and developed a lot of mental problems. I have been diagnosed clinically to be depressed. I have had OCD since when I was a kid. Okay, now some of you might be thinking that OCD is just a fancy way of saying "I like colors separately organized or I hate uneven things" but that's not it. This is some serious honeysuckle. Serious to that point that I don't mind hurting myself just so things are even or organized. Let me give you guys some examples. Remember how much it hurts if the little toe hits the edge of something? So this is how it feels to me. If a toe on one leg hits some desk or wall and hurts, I want to experience equal pain in my other leg's toe too. I find it extremely uneasy to sit or stand with one leg or arm in a different position than the other one. There are more things but you get the point.
Finally, last July I managed to get a job. I decided to go to work no matter how less the pay is and let me tell you, the pay was very less. I would never talk much to anyone in office. Since I was rejected a lot by people, I just forgot how to make friends and how to talk to people. I would want to talk to people but I just couldn't get myself to. I wouldn't know what to talk even when I get the chance. Since I grew up alone and without any girl friends (notice the space between girl and friends), I would want to put my dick inside any girl I thought was good looking. I'd have crushes on every single girl that walked by. "If only I could fresia every good looking girl", I used to think to myself.
Fast forward six months, now I got a good job in a reputed company with a slightly better pay than my previous company. Since this is a reputed company, most of the rich people went here. Even guys that got my pay had a car, a girlfriend and wads and wads of cash. Guess what's happening now? I'm feeling inferior to everyone again. Since there are a lot of good looking girls in this locality, my mind stops working and my penis starts working aggressively. I know for a fact that no one, literally NO ONE would want to be a friend of mine let alone girlfriend. I've finally gave up any hope of getting any friends or girlfriend in real life. This is it.
So, that's my story. I know most people won't read this huge-ass story but I just wanted to get this out of my chest. If you've read this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please do drop me a message or say hi. I'd be delighted to have friends on the interwebs because I can't have friends in real life. I don't give a honeysuckle about gender, race, status, class or any such honeysuckle anymore. I just want to have friends. Being lonely has really taken a toll on me. So, if you'd like to be my friend, don't hesitate.
Thanks. :shy:
