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Mom is killing my self esteem
#1
What is it with mothers and the ability to do this in an instant...

I met a foreign guy while on vacation, we hit it off and he asked me to come back and visit.  Completely out of character for me but I am going.  Yes maybe he does want a green card, but I believe it is also possible that he actually likes me!  I avoided telling my Mom I was going and have just been looking forward to a fun trip.  But of course she finds out...

...and proceeds to kill my self esteem with thinly veiled comments that imply there could be no other reason for him to like me other than the green card.  I was so looking forward to this trip and now I'm in tears and not wanting to go at all.  

Why do your parents have such ability to destroy you in a heartbeat?  I'm in no danger of marrying this guy or anything.  I just wanted to have a nice fun trip and now I'm not sure I can.
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#2
Okay, so let's take worst case scenario with this for a minute. What happens if he does want a green card? You still go, you still have a good time, you still come back unmarried. Where's the harm?

If you can afford it, you should definitely go. Just leave your expectations at home, other than having fun. That should be your only expectation. The guy is just a bonus, if it works out, great, if it doesn't, so be it.
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#3
Thanks Callie that is exactly the mindset I had up until this morning's conversation with Mom. I just want to go and have a good time. what is the harm? I can live with it being partly about a green card, because i think he likes me for other reasons as well. she seems to imply there could be no other factors. Ouch.
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#4
Parents try to protect us, they seem to think that job never ends, whatever it is between you and this guy, he wants something out of it and so do you! Whether it's a greencard, love, lust or something different all togeter, you're mom won't understand your needs because to her you are prescious and fragile and so she acts to curb your enthousiasm, not get your hopes up. You are a grown up and from what I've read not naive and very capable of making life choices.

It very likely has never even occured to her what you might be getting out off this all, a good time with a guy you like allot.

So allow yourself to have a good time, what happens happens, what doesn't doesn't, don'tlet a mothers worry take that from you.
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#5
Thanks. I was so looking forward to this trip and I just can't get that feeling back now. I guess I just keep trying 😢 I'm almost tempted to bag the trip and stay home.
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#6
What about going somewhere else instead?
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#7
Booked and paid. 😟 I am in the airport. I'll just have to make the best of it.
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#8
(03-07-2017, 11:05 PM)Missingthesun Wrote: Booked and paid.  😟  I am in the airport.  I'll just have to make the best of it.

Have a good time.  That's an order!  Toungue

Don't worry too much, I'm sure everything will be fine.  Leave your mother and everything she said at home where she belongs.
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#9
I'm here and all is good. Like reallllllyyyy good! All the angst was for naught.
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#10
Well done Missingthesun! Inappropriately extended parental control can be really awful to manage. It's something I know very well.
Burn the past.  Turn the page, start a new chapter.  Move on.

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