Mom is killing my self esteem

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Missingthesun

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What is it with mothers and the ability to do this in an instant...

I met a foreign guy while on vacation, we hit it off and he asked me to come back and visit.  Completely out of character for me but I am going.  Yes maybe he does want a green card, but I believe it is also possible that he actually likes me!  I avoided telling my Mom I was going and have just been looking forward to a fun trip.  But of course she finds out...

...and proceeds to kill my self esteem with thinly veiled comments that imply there could be no other reason for him to like me other than the green card.  I was so looking forward to this trip and now I'm in tears and not wanting to go at all.  

Why do your parents have such ability to destroy you in a heartbeat?  I'm in no danger of marrying this guy or anything.  I just wanted to have a nice fun trip and now I'm not sure I can.
 
Okay, so let's take worst case scenario with this for a minute. What happens if he does want a green card? You still go, you still have a good time, you still come back unmarried. Where's the harm?

If you can afford it, you should definitely go. Just leave your expectations at home, other than having fun. That should be your only expectation. The guy is just a bonus, if it works out, great, if it doesn't, so be it.
 
Thanks Callie that is exactly the mindset I had up until this morning's conversation with Mom. I just want to go and have a good time. what is the harm? I can live with it being partly about a green card, because i think he likes me for other reasons as well. she seems to imply there could be no other factors. Ouch.
 
Parents try to protect us, they seem to think that job never ends, whatever it is between you and this guy, he wants something out of it and so do you! Whether it's a greencard, love, lust or something different all togeter, you're mom won't understand your needs because to her you are prescious and fragile and so she acts to curb your enthousiasm, not get your hopes up. You are a grown up and from what I've read not naive and very capable of making life choices.

It very likely has never even occured to her what you might be getting out off this all, a good time with a guy you like allot.

So allow yourself to have a good time, what happens happens, what doesn't doesn't, don'tlet a mothers worry take that from you.
 
Thanks. I was so looking forward to this trip and I just can't get that feeling back now. I guess I just keep trying 😢 I'm almost tempted to bag the trip and stay home.
 
Missingthesun said:
Booked and paid.  😟  I am in the airport.  I'll just have to make the best of it.

Have a good time.  That's an order!  :p

Don't worry too much, I'm sure everything will be fine.  Leave your mother and everything she said at home where she belongs.
 
I'm fairly certain my mother is possessed by Satan and has been since before my birth onto this planet. If there's any way she can cause me doubt, pain, loss, or embarrassment, that's a win for her.

She may need an exorcism. I just stay away.
 
It is so funny, I was always the good kid in the family and never experienced the not so nice, judgmental person I'm seeing now. I know now what my sister and nephew have been through all their lives.

Having a nice time but the evenings are looonnneeelllyyyy. My friend works till 11 pm and I haven't made other friends here this time, except for a really fun lady who I'll work with at her soup kitchen on Sunday. Headed to salsa lessons tonight to see if I can meet anyone.


Bleed_the_freak and anyone else with horrible abusive parents....I'm sending you all a hug. Some people should just be allowed to raise kids
 
Good to hear you're having fun hon!

And also good to hear you've been able to "brush" off the critique, and ae enjoying your time there!
 
What a rollercoaster. First the angst of whether to go at all, and then the guy I visited gives me the hot and cold. One day we are having great conversation and a real connection, and the next day he completely disengages and spends hours looking at soccer videos on his phone, leaving me bored to tears. Sometimes I really don't understand men at all.
 
Missingthesun said:
What a rollercoaster.  First the angst of whether to go at all, and then the guy I visited gives me the hot and cold.  One day we are having great conversation and a real connection, and the next day he completely disengages and spends hours looking at soccer videos on his phone, leaving me bored to tears.  Sometimes I really don't understand men at all.

Hard to tell what's going through his head, you were thinking it was a greencard thing yourself, and you knew that wasn't going to happen just like that. I do hope you've had a geat time overall, that is what counts most!
 
Missingthesun said:
What a rollercoaster.  First the angst of whether to go at all, and then the guy I visited gives me the hot and cold.  One day we are having great conversation and a real connection, and the next day he completely disengages and spends hours looking at soccer videos on his phone, leaving me bored to tears.  Sometimes I really don't understand men at all.

Sorry to hear this. I've got the same issue with women a lot of the time. Hope we both get a happy resolution with this.
 
Missingthesun - I am glad for the good times, and about the boring times, if you have your doubts about the long term quality of the happiness, don't go into a relationship X)
 
Believe it's a good thing that you went. Either way it was a life experience and you can look back on it one day and laugh about the entire situation. Just be happy that you went, made your own decision about something and not allow you're mother to upset you. If nothing ends up working out in the end, at least you went, traveled and in the end you can learn something more about yourself. =)
 

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