PTSD and healing

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WallflowerGirl83

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For so long I've been concentrating on my self healing because for the longest time I've been angry, depressed and had a hard time of letting go. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me either. It haunts me when I do think of my "father" and the things he did to me. I won't go into detail about it either but he did abuse me, my older brother and mother, my younger brother was quiet and confused by what happened. Many many years, I did a lot of stupid things I regret by doing "street drugs" and thinking I was better off if I simply just offed myself. Believe this led me into dating abusive men. The pattern was repeating so much and I didn't know how to break it. Deep down I thought I didn't deserve any better. My only friend I had at one time was Jordan. He was abused too and we could relate to another. He kept me close and we both protected each other.​

We used to meet up at an abandon house in my area and abuse drugs together. Rumor has it that it was haunted and both of us took a liking to it. We carved our initials inside the house with his knife and I drew a heart around it. The last time I went there I left blue roses inside the house and read out loud a poem I wrote for him. My mother took me to the house as my friend and I went inside. After I read it, I felt a lot better and realized the person who truly cared about me was my friend who was still alive, and I know deep down I needed to move on. It was extremely hard moving on.​

For anyone who was abused or has PTSD or is suffering~​
please know it's not your fault. try to talk to a therapist or something.​
don't keep it bottled up inside. drugs will kill you. it killed Jordan.​
not many people know this but I was there when he overdosed....​
I may offer you advice, be here for you, but I can't heal you.​
you will go through a hard time and there will be lots of bumps in the road.​
but eventually you will heal. you just have to have faith and try to keep yourself occupied.​
exercise, eat healthy, find new hobbies, write, draw, anything that will help.​
seek therapy, support groups, have supportive friends by you and call hotlines if you need too.​
pm me if you need to talk or you can relate. ​
it took me a long time to get where I'm at. ​
I'll be here for you. I believe in you.~​
 
I have a friend named Marci who also went through some trauma with illness and relationship problems. Her mom had died of cancer last year, and from what Marci has told me, her mom must have been a great woman. I had experienced a loss of my own, and when we met I think we were both ready to give up on people and life. But through our love of art and music, we managed to help each other out and not let our problems get us down. She often tells me she feels insecure about herself and feels like a burden to people, but I assure her that she is not a burden; she is very diligent, hardworking, and creative, and I remind her of the big difference she has made for me and how fortunate I am to have her for a friend. ​

Thanks for sharing.
 
Reading this I can only respect your strength, even from this very limited amount off information I can see you've had it hard, thank you for sharing and reaching out to those who aren't quite as far along as yourself, I'm sure they will truly appreciate it.
 

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