My Life is a Lonely Hell

I've been feeling even more acutely upset and lonely and suicidal than usual for the last few days. My life feels utterly irredeemable. I've been depressed and lonely for so many years now.

I go to the counseling services at my college, but we're on spring break this week. I tried talking to my (former??) Best friend, who now hardly talks to or sees me now that she is in a relationship. She told me she has no time for me then ignored the rest of my messages. My other friends didn't respond.

Nobody talks to me or spends time with me. I've really tried to branch out and do stuff with other people this year. I've been rejected and ignored on all fronts.

I'm so utterly depressed, and the people who I thought love me seem to be completely apathetic. I've been fantasizing over and considering killing myself, probably by jumping, but can't seem to get myself to do it yet.

Edited: Fixed the weird font issues.

It's possible that your negative outlook is projecting on to other people, so that when you try to branch out, it doesn't really work out.

What are your plans for spring break...Sit around doing nothing or go out and have fun? I would suggest getting out. Doesn't matter what you do, just get out, don't nurse the depression by staying home and doing nothing. Go for a walk or exercise or join a gym or take some boxing classes. Go play some Bingo or something. Just get out, you deserve some fun.

Relationships and friendships take time to establish, and I know how frustrating it is when they don't work out. But don't give up on reaching out to people, or nothing will happen at all. And I agree on what Callie says about getting out and doing stuff. Whatever it is, just find something that will keep you out of the house and keep your mind occupied, as it makes a big difference in helping to curb negative thoughts.

Yes, keep your brain involved with constructive things, even if it's just something simple. 

I found myself at a Barnes and Noble bookstore out of boredom once (during a depressing time) and they had this bargain bin with discounted adult coloring books. I picked up this book of about 100 pages and some colored pencils. Pulled me right out of my funk. To this day it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Boredom/complacency and being sedentary are the worst enemies of our brain while in a depressed state.

Thank you for the responses, guys.

I don't have a lot of huge plans for Spring Break, but I brought my dog to the park, I went to go see a movie (alone), I went to the diner alone today, I've been speaking out regarding a local issue in my old school system, and worked on some composing.

I wanted to play some X-Wing (a tabletop game I like), but no one has taken the bait on after a month of effort. I've also tried inviting people to lunch, to the bar, to watch a movie, etc... I've run out of people to reach out to.

I understand that I should be able to function on my own to some extent, but I think it's reasonable to expect some time with my friends. I think it's ridiculous to say that a normal person would be happy having zero hours or MAYBE one hour of rushed socialization in a week, and no one to talk to when they're really upset.

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TheRealCallie said:

It's possible that your negative outlook is projecting on to other people, so that when you try to branch out, it doesn't really work out.

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I think I'm pretty amicable when I approach and talk to people. I can't un-depressed or un-lonely myself too much on the inside, but I think I propose fun things to do and try to fake it till I make it to a reasonable extent.

Musicman said:

Thank you for the responses, guys.

I don't have a lot of huge plans for Spring Break, but I brought my dog to the park, I went to go see a movie (alone), I went to the diner alone today, I've been speaking out regarding a local issue in my old school system, and worked on some composing.

I wanted to play some X-Wing (a tabletop game I like), but no one has taken the bait on after a month of effort. I've also tried inviting people to lunch, to the bar, to watch a movie, etc... I've run out of people to reach out to.

I understand that I should be able to function on my own to some extent, but I think it's reasonable to expect some time with my friends. I think it's ridiculous to say that a normal person would be happy having zero hours or MAYBE one hour of rushed socialization in a week, and no one to talk to when they're really upset.

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Depending on if you live in a decent sized urban location or not, Meetup.com might be a good idea - groups for stuff like music and tabletop are pretty popular. If your friends aren't cutting it right now, make more that want to do stuff with you - doesn't mean you lose the old ones

Musicman said:

I've been feeling even more acutely upset and lonely and suicidal than usual for the last few days. My life feels utterly irredeemable. I've been depressed and lonely for so many years now.

I go to the counseling services at my college, but we're on spring break this week. I tried talking to my (former??) Best friend, who now hardly talks to or sees me now that she is in a relationship. She told me she has no time for me then ignored the rest of my messages. My other friends didn't respond.

Nobody talks to me or spends time with me. I've really tried to branch out and do stuff with other people this year. I've been rejected and ignored on all fronts.

I'm so utterly depressed, and the people who I thought love me seem to be completely apathetic. I've been fantasizing over and considering killing myself, probably by jumping, but can't seem to get myself to do it yet.

Edited: Fixed the weird font issues.

Click to expand...

Musicman,,,,forgive me for sticking my nose in,,, Are you a musician?
If you are then I feel for you, Musicians are depressed by nature.   Me on the other hand,,  soon as my scentince is up,,,I'm outa here.

He hasn't visited since 2017, hope he didn't go through with his suicidal ideation.