Caring to much about what everyone thinks.

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MisterLonely

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I've been trying to get my life together for some time now, I have allot of the things ticked off, like a home, a steady job that provides me with financial security, feeling ok about myself physically aswell as emotionally.

However I still have loads off problems that make me deeply insecure, and also somewhat off a new revelation... My main insecurity seems to be caring to much what others think...

I don't talk to people being fearful the find me disruptive.
I don't tell people about my loneliness fearful of being pitied.
I don't go after girls fearful of being awkward.
I don't go out fearful of not finding anyone.
I don't show anyone the real me fearful of being ridiculed.

I think my next step in life might be learning to care a little less about what others think, and being ok with not being the same as everyone else, maybe then life can start.
 
Maybe you could take baby steps by initiating even just a simple "hello" to one person a day, whether it's someone at your job, a cashier at the supermarket, or a fellow schoolmate waiting for class to start.
 
Just talk to me. If you can handle me, you can handle anyone :club:

But seriously....
Most people don't tell others that they are lonely.
Awkward guys can be endearing and cute a lot of the time, depending, of course, the level of awkwardness.
If you don't NOT go out you'll never find anyone either, right? So go out, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
If people who know the real you ridicule you, they aren't worth your time.
 
@Extreme Unit, thank for the reply, I really have no problem taking to people, whether just saying hello or light conversation, was at the barber yesterday and talked the intire time, problem starts when things get personal. I know I have to deal with that and move past it.


@Callie, I really can't focus on big crowds the noise is to much, and everything passes by me without notice. I've gone out to things before but I never get to engage with anyone because of rust, smaller groups I can handle, but that's just weird, going up to a group of people who you don't know.....
 
MisterLonely said:
@Extreme Unit, thank for the reply, I really have no problem taking to people, whether just saying hello or light conversation, was at the barber yesterday and talked the intire time, problem starts when things get personal. I know I have to deal with that and move past it.


@Callie, I really can't focus on big crowds the noise is to much, and everything passes by me without notice. I've gone out to things before but I never get to engage with anyone because of rust, smaller groups I can handle, but that's just weird, going up to a group of people who you don't know.....




I don't know if you do this or not, but you should definitely refrain from telling people your problems or personal issues in the earlier stages of your having met them, because no one likes hearing about somebody's problems; it doesn't make for a good first impression. 

I went to an open mic night at my school yesterday, and I approached a group of three students I didn't know who were talking about their performances. I mostly just stood there and listened to them talk, but managed to comment every now and then on what I liked about the guy's violin playing, or the girl's poetry reading. It was awkward and nothing came of it, but I mention this because I understand your frustration with crowds and I also can't handle large groups of people. But again, unfortunately, you have to start somewhere and put yourself out there or nothing will happen.
 
Extreme Unit said:
MisterLonely said:
@Extreme Unit, thank for the reply, I really have no problem taking to people, whether just saying hello or light conversation, was at the barber yesterday and talked the intire time, problem starts when things get personal. I know I have to deal with that and move past it.


@Callie, I really can't focus on big crowds the noise is to much, and everything passes by me without notice. I've gone out to things before but I never get to engage with anyone because of rust, smaller groups I can handle, but that's just weird, going up to a group of people who you don't know.....




I don't know if you do this or not, but you should definitely refrain from telling people your problems or personal issues in the earlier stages of your having met them, because no one likes hearing about somebody's problems; it doesn't make for a good first impression. 

I went to an open mic night at my school yesterday, and I approached a group of three students I didn't know who were talking about their performances. I mostly just stood there and listened to them talk, but managed to comment every now and then on what I liked about the guy's violin playing, or the girl's poetry reading. It was awkward and nothing came of it, but I mention this because I understand your frustration with crowds and I also can't handle large groups of people. But again, unfortunately, you have to start somewhere and put yourself out there or nothing will happen.



Thanks for your response, I realy don't tell anyone about my problems atleast not IRL, here it's different, I am doing my best to out myself out there and have actually found that I am more comfortable in allot off situations, I wouldn't actually callit fustration, because I can't blame people for who they like or accept into their lives, it's more the lack of likeminded people that I find hard to deal with... I know they are out there, but just harder to find.
 
"Stopping" to care about what other people think doesn't sound like an easy thing to pull off, but it is definitely worthwhile to work towards that.

Things I like to tell myself are:
- Even if someone think I messed up/laugh at me, at least nobody died. (in the big scheme of things, my failures are pretty insignificant)
- I don't have to be perfect. Good enough is sufficient.
- It is fun to try things even if I don't succeed.

Hopefully these ways to think will be helpful, but you will have to work on this day by day I think.
 
What OY says ^_^
I hope you manage to fix those things so you feel more comfortable with them, but I also hope you won't leave us here :p
Talking about things that would make yourself less strong or coping or more needing ARE difficult. However... if more people start, it will be more normalized. The strong ones can take the front lines :D

...Meaw, this ain't a revolution.

Can't hear you, lalalalala!

(But seriously, good luck, I think you can make it ^_^)
 

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