Advice Encouraging People to be Fake

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michael2

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Anyone notice all the advice about how to be sociable usually means being fake,  as in not who you really are?

Stuff like learn an instrument.  Really?  That should only be something you do if you truly have a passion for it.

Be funny, have a good sense of humor.  Sorry,  but not everybody is Jim Carrey, nor should they have to be.  Theres is nothing wrong with being a serious person.  This gives variety and spice to life.  Would it be good if every single person was primarily serious?  No,  as it would also not be good if every single person was primarily funny.

Confidence.  I've read alot of advice that says you should even fake confidence if you have to in order to be more sociable and likable.  Sorry but not everybody is beaming with confidence, nor should they have to be.

My advice is be who you are.  Only pursue things that you have a passion in.  Dont do stuff just because you think it will score you extra points with the opposite sex or people in general.  Will this lead to less friends?  Yeah, for sure.  But I feel its a much better path

I know being real and who I am has screwed me over in countless job interviews, because being fake wins every time.  

When being interviewed for a job in the medical field I could have said the old "Im here because I want to help people" line and scored alot of points.  Instead Im true to who I am and I lose out to people who are fake.  My sister told me to be fake and lie to and make up answers in interviews because thats what she does to get jobs.  I dont do this so I get screwed over.  When I was applying for a stocking job the interviewer said I  might have to lift a refrigerator onto a truckbed by myself.  I told her I would not do anything that might hurt me and she laughed and said 'oh we wouldnt want that' and of course that was the moment in the interview she scratched me off the list. 

I honestly dont care,  Im going to continue being real and true to myself even if being fake gets  you ahead in life.
 
How do you know if you have a passion for something if you don't try it?  So yeah, you should definitely try all types of new things, from music to sports and everything in between.  I didn't think I would have a passion for running, until I started doing it.  Took a few weeks til I was in shape, but then I absolutely loved it.  

Why would you go into the medical field if you don't want to help people?  At least a small part of you wants to help doesn't it?

Faking confidence doesn't mean denying who you are, it's just a tool to get you where you want to be.  "Fake it til you make it" simply means that you should go outside your comfort zone until it's not so uncomfortable anymore.
 
I agree that as far as people in general, being your true self is the way to go even if it means you won't have many friends.

In the case of job interviews, however, your sister is correct. You do have to break some rules if you want the job badly enough, because the reality of the work field is that it's all about the money, which I desperately need. I've applied to a bunch of grocery and retail stores and edited my resume to make my experience sound more eccentric than it is, as well as bullshit about how I care about the customers and that I want to help the company grow. The employer doesn't care who I am; they just need someone to make their money for them and I need money to survive, so that's why being fake is necessary.

Of course, if you think you might get hurt on a stocking job like the one you described, you were wise to be up front about something like that.
 
michael2 said:
Dont do stuff just because you think it will score you extra points with the opposite sex or people in general.  Will this lead to less friends? Yeah, for sure.  But I feel its a much better path.

^ I agree with this. But being who you are doesn't need to mean persisting on a mediocre, stagnated self and attempting to improve shouldn't be perceived as faking a behavior.
 
I'll mostly echo what the previous posters have said.

Every social interaction is a bit of a negotiation, so you aren't necessarily being fake if you simply act professionally or in accordance with the tone that has been set by the environment. That should be self-evident. If you actually have to lie to get ahead while making decisions against your own interests, it is just foolish since it will bite you in the back (or break it) sooner or later as it most likely would have if you accepted carrying refrigerators on your own...

In casual interactions, not being entirely yourself does not equal being fake per se. For all we know, acting the very same way as you do while being on your own could make you look a little out of touch with humanity and reality. In these situations you also explore what you are comfortable with - in case you aren't absolutely sure about your own limits yet which is always a possibility.
 
Some of it is merely an idea, such as to learn an instrument or try being funny. Many people don't play music and have never really tried it to judge whether or not they'd like it. Everyone has a sense of humor, but not everyone feels comfortable expressing it (which would be beneficial for them to learn to be more comfortable expressing themselves, anyway).

I do dislike people that take a distinctly deceitful approach to socializing and I do pick up on it, although I see it more in dating than in places like a work area.

I don't mind if people at work make chit-chat even if they're not really that interested if it livens things up a little and feels a bit less awkward between us, or if they try to be nicer than usual when we have to be around each other all the time. I don't mind if people choose to say or not say things they normally might in order to get along or go out of their own comfort zone.

I do mind if people obscure their real intentions, or flatter me to get things from me. I do mind if people aren't confident or happy and only vent their unhappiness to me. I do mind if people pretend to enjoy things they don't enjoy, or believe in values they don't believe in, in order to get me to like them more.

People's natural, unrestrained state isn't always the healthiest option. Nor is the first thing someone thinks of to say always the best one.

Going against the grain can be beneficial sometimes. Sometimes parents want their children to follow in their footsteps, but the field of work is a poor fit for them. And not everyone is happy with common desires like a family, high-profile job, etc.
 
It's great if someone wants to be true to who they are.
However, if doing that keeps you from getting a job, you really can't complain that being yourself lost that opportunity. If others are doing something they normally wouldn't do to get a job, it's because they are willing to do whatever it takes to land a job.
As far as being yourself in social situations, that's great too. But again, you can't really complain if your list of friends is short.
Like I said, being yourself at all times is great, but you have to also be able to live with everything that entails.
 
Chuckle heads always seem to move forward easier ... its just reality
Sucessful sales persons have a smile no matter what

Have you ever found yourself wanting to spend time around some one that is being negative ?
 
BadGuy said:
Chuckle heads always seem to move forward easier ... its just reality
Sucessful sales persons have a smile no matter what

Have you ever found yourself wanting to spend time around some one that is being negative ?

There's a big area between positive and negative.
Also, a sales person is ine of the most fake human beings you can encounter.
 
Xpendable said:
Also, a sales person is ine of the most fake human beings you can encounter.

I have to disagree with this.  I have been in retail and while I'm not usually that.....um....cheery? (I don't know what word I'm looking for), I wasn't being fake. 

I have however met quite a few fake people that have nothing to do with sales....
 
I couldn't encourage everyone to be their real self all the time because I'd have to naively assume that everyone's real self is actually of a good-natured kind. Oftentimes you don't want to peek behind the curtain. The devil is in detail and nuance.
 
People are fake as fresia through and through.

I wish I could just accept it and not let it bother me so much.

Are there any genuine people left?
 
I keep getting people who act like they are super keen to be in band and then never reply to my messages. Wish they would just straight up say that they weren't keen...
 
nothing really changes unless you're prepared to step out of your comfort zone and initially that does include having to fake
 
Serephina said:
nothing really changes unless you're prepared to step out of your comfort zone and initially that does include having to fake
That's right.
 

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