Big fight between me and my dad

What makes this even worse is that I am 36 years old getting into bad arguments with my father like this.


Back story is, my dad can be very annoying when it comes to electronics. We all try so hard to teach him but he refuses to learn. He ask millions of questions but he doesn't care to utilize anything we teach him. He just loves to complain I think. He does this with anything. Anyway, he got a smart phone for the first time a few months ago.  He always had flip phones previously.  Anyway, with his new phone, he calls people accidently constantly. My voice mail is ALWAYS full and have to take time to delete it all. He calls my brother and sister in laws house all times of the night, waking up the kids.  He is just butt calling people all the time and he does NOT care. So anyway, he and I were driving tonight and I said let me see your phone. I put a password on it hoping that would fix the issue because he didn't have a password on it this whole time. Well let me tell you, he FLIPPED the fresia out on me. Screaming at the top of his lungs "TAke this honeysuckle off right NOWWWWWWW!!!!". He was yelling me like I was an animal, after he knew I had a really bad day to start with. So, I snapped back and told him I am not taking it off for screaming at me like that, ( I really couldn't with the way he was screaming and acting, he was making me nervous) but I was going to eventually take it off when he calmed down, but he throws his ******* phone out the ******* window while we are driving. Screaming like a mad man. I am a grown woman. I am 36 years old. I am a mother. Why would he scream like that? Because I put a password on his phone that everyone has? There was no talking about it. He just instantly freaked out on me.  He is the one who asks me for help all the time with it! Well dad, you got your ******* help. You drive everyone nuts with butt calling them and you didn't want to learn. So I guess throwing your own phone out the ******* window is what you really wanted anyway. It's a really pet peeve of mine when people butt dial you all the time and they don't give a honeysuckle. My ex roommate use to do that and I asked her to please stop, to please learn her phone, but she flat out said she didn't care. Wow! How arrogant. You don't care that you butt dial me when Im driving or call your daughter when she's driving. We are just suppose to live with that?

I digress. I had a very bad day today ( a very bad ******* day) and he knew it and for him to scream like that at me, just made my ******* day that much worse.

I understand you were having a bad day ... It is his right to be upset also. Neither of you delt with the situation in a way that wouldn't antagonise the other.

We all have times when our emotions get the better of us! But for peace within the family ... Perhaps apologize with a gift of a new flip phone ... That would be win win all round by the sound of it

If you know he can't handle technology like that, why was he given a smartphone? (At least, I assume he didn't get it for himself.)
My parents still have basic flip phones, my mom refuses to get a smart phone and she COULD understand them. My son has a basic phone, as well as my father in law and grandmother.
Until they no longer work (I believe I heard 2020), why does it matter what kind of phone he has? He should have what he is comfortable with.

Yeah okay, I am going to side with the OP on this one. You obviously put the password on there for a good reason that benefits everyone involved. I hope he does eventually realize that.

Mandyman said:

I understand you were having a bad day ... It is his right to be upset also. Neither of you delt with the situation in a way that wouldn't antagonise the other.

We all have times when our emotions get the better of us! But for peace within the family ... Perhaps apologize with a gift of a new flip phone ... That would be win win all round by the sound of it

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I have to agree with this, it's exactly what I thought after reading your story MissLonely. You were having a bad day and your father isn't tech savvy. Sounds like he has to put up with people always trying to explain something to him that he just doesn't understand, that has to be very frustrating for him. It must make him feel like an idiot. Then you take his phone and just put a password on it, I'm not surprised he flipped out. He kind of went a little off the deep end that's for sure. My mother isn't tech savvy either, she can't even turn on a computer or program her TV to record shows. We try to explain it to her but it just doesn't make sense for her. Some people just have a difficult time grasping things, and as frustrating as it gets you have to try to keep your cool and understand that. You may have had more headway if you sat down and had a calm conversation with him about privacy and how people can hack your phone if you don't have a password on it, some can hack it even if you do but it's better security to have one than not. Gone about it in a roundabout way. Then ;you wouldn't have to bring up about the butt dialing and annoying people, you make less of an issue for him and making him feel bad.

Sci-Fi said:

Mandyman said:

I understand you were having a bad day ... It is his right to be upset also.  Neither of you delt with the situation in a way that wouldn't antagonise the other.

We all have times when our emotions get the better of us!  But for peace within the family ... Perhaps apologize with a gift of a new flip phone ... That would be win win all round by the sound of it

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I have to agree with this, it's exactly what I thought after reading your story MissLonely.  You were having a bad day and your father isn't tech savvy.  Sounds like he has to put up with people always trying to explain something to him that he just doesn't understand, that has to be very frustrating for him.  It must make him feel like an idiot.  Then you take his phone and just put a password on it, I'm not surprised he flipped out.  He kind of went a little off the deep end that's for sure.  My mother isn't tech savvy either, she can't even turn on a computer or program her TV to record shows.  We try to explain it to her but it just doesn't make sense for her.  Some people just have a difficult time grasping things, and as frustrating as it gets you have to try to keep your cool and understand that.  You may have had more headway if you sat down and had a calm conversation with him about privacy and how people can hack your phone if you don't have a password on it, some can hack it even if you do but it's better security to have one than not.  Gone about it in a roundabout way.  Then ;you wouldn't have to bring up about the butt dialing and annoying people, you make less of an issue for him and making him feel bad.

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You don't understand and I explained it in my first post. He is the one that asks everyone. The reason I took it in the car was because he was asking me to fix it for the billionth time. You have no idea how he is. He will keep asking and asking and asking and asking, driving everyone nuts. He doesn't pay attention when you answer. He has always been like this with everything, not just electronics. Trust me, no one seeks to make him understand anything. We don't want to deal with his questions. I am not the one who brought it up. You have it all wrong.

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TheRealCallie said:

If you know he can't handle technology like that, why was he given a smartphone?  (At least, I assume he didn't get it for himself.)
My parents still have basic flip phones, my mom refuses to get a smart phone and she COULD understand them.  My son has a basic phone, as well as my father in law and grandmother.  
Until they no longer work (I believe I heard 2020), why does it matter what kind of phone he has?  He should have what he is comfortable with.

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Yes, he sure did buy it for himself and you made a very good point. If he can't handle technology like that, he shouldn't buy it or use it. He refuses to pay attention when he asks for help and he thinks we are all tech experts. I told him time and time again every phone or computer or tablet is different and it takes time to learn and we all learn through trial and error. None of the people we know, including me, are tech geniuses and I told him that repeatedly.

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Paraiyar said:

Yeah okay, I am going to side with the OP on this one. You obviously put the password on there for a good reason that benefits everyone involved. I hope he does eventually realize that.

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Thank you so much. I appreciate that.

MissLonely79 said:

TheRealCallie said:

If you know he can't handle technology like that, why was he given a smartphone?  (At least, I assume he didn't get it for himself.)
My parents still have basic flip phones, my mom refuses to get a smart phone and she COULD understand them.  My son has a basic phone, as well as my father in law and grandmother.  
Until they no longer work (I believe I heard 2020), why does it matter what kind of phone he has?  He should have what he is comfortable with.

Click to expand...

Yes, he sure did buy it for himself and you made a very good point. If he can't handle technology like that, he shouldn't buy it or use it. He refuses to pay attention when he asks for help and he thinks we are all tech experts. I told him time and time again every phone or computer or tablet is different and it takes time to learn and we all learn through trial and error. None of the people we know, including me, are tech geniuses and I told him that repeatedly.

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Oh ****.  Well, in that case.  I agree with Para. 
Why the HELL would he buy something when he has no idea how to use it and knows that he won't?  Yeah, buy him a flip phone and hand it to him.  Confiscate that **** smartphone.  lol
I'm sorry you have to deal with all that.  I know how it is, to an extent.  My grandmother thinks I'm a computer genius because I can fix simple things on her computer.  I swear I should kick my mom's butt for buying her that laptop. 
One thing I do for my grandmother is write out detailed instructions so she has it to reference.  Would that help with your dad?

Lol, Thanks Callie. Don't forget, he threw his phone out the window on the highway while we were driving, so that phone is gone lol. My dad isn't that old. This whole thing isn't due to old age. As I said, he always was like this. Always. With everything. Anyway, he bought a flip phone at Walmart last night, and guess what he does? He goes to his job, that he has off from, and whines to everyone there that he doesn't know how to activate it. Then they activate it for him and then he complains more that he has to learn how to use it. So he's going around each employee bothering them with questions. Nothing will help with my dad. He loves to ask questions and he would never use the reference sheet. It would be lost 3 minutes after I wrote it. He likes the attention I guess, I don't know. My grandmother, who is 85 now, uses the computer very well and has for a long time. She never bothers anyone with questions, ever. I got to give it to her, she learned on her own with very little help.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but we got into arguments with my finace's dad like that all the time. We would do something we found helpful, and he would insult us, and argue, and get all shades of shitty. He passed away in December, and now, it's weird, and we kinda miss the stupid phone calls we would get believe it or not.

Some older people are set in their ways, and aren't going to change.

Nicolelt said:

I know this is not what you want to hear, but we got into arguments with my finace's dad like that all the time. We would do something we found helpful, and he would insult us, and argue, and get all shades of shitty. He passed away in December, and now, it's weird, and we kinda miss the stupid phone calls we would get believe it or not.

Some older people are set in their ways, and aren't going to change.

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Actually, that is what I needed to hear. You're so right and described my father accurately. When I try to help him, he insults me, argue, very negative and get all shades of shitty.  And you're right, in no way would I treat him meanly and I even apologized to him even though everything in me knew it wasn't my fault at all.

Your dad sounds like a dumbass. Hope he likes not having a phone.

bleed_the_freak said:

Your dad sounds like a dumbass. Hope he likes not having a phone

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Your assesment would be correct 

Unless I missed it, I didn't see where you asked him if it was OK to add a password and explaining why you wanted to, and how easy it is to unlock. Maybe doing it without asking might have set him off?
Just a thought...

EveWasFramed said:

Maybe doing it without asking might have set him off?
Just a thought...

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That is what i was wondering.

He asked me to fix it, multiple times, too many times, so I did.

I'll take the butt dail over the drunk voicemails any day of the week.

Hey man I know it's 3am but we need to hangout again soon I just bought a Thai lady from the great state of Thailand..

fresia off.

I'm so sorry you had this experience. Whatever the circumstances these type of altercations with any one especially our loved ones is never good and can be emotionally traumatic. I would suggest getting him a flip phone, but if he goes out on his own and get a smartphone you could be right where you started. Some people whether they are old are not, just don't like to feel like they are being controlled. I imagine that was the real reason behind your dad's out burst. He probably just felt controlled, I imagine he may have some unresolved emotional issues related to being controlled and the password was just a trigger. I think you are just going to have to find a way to find peace with the fact that your dad is going to be the way he is about electronics. I imagine you are probably far more disturbed, and more frustrated about it he is. So for the sake your own peace of mind you will have to find a way to find peace with that. I hope this helps

Justyaaveraggurl said:

I'm so sorry you had this experience. Whatever the circumstances these type of altercations with any one especially our loved ones is never good and can be emotionally traumatic. I would  suggest getting him a flip phone, but if he goes out on his own and get a smartphone you could be right where you started. Some people whether they are old are not, just don't like to feel like they are being controlled. I imagine that was the real reason behind your dad's out burst. He probably just felt controlled, I imagine he may have some unresolved emotional issues related to being controlled and the password was just a trigger. I think you are just going to have to find a way to find peace with the fact that your dad is going to be the way he is about electronics. I imagine you are probably far more disturbed, and more frustrated about it he is. So for the  sake your own peace of mind you will have to find a way to find peace with that. I hope this helps

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You're so right. I totally agree with you and it does help a lot. Thank you.

I hope you make up with your Dad. Like him, I used to get frustrated with my new smartphone til getting the hang of it and my wife showing me how to navigate around it. Otherwise, I'm quite at home on my Mac Pro when film editing, and that computer is quite a beast.

Just be patient with him and I'm sure all will blow over.

Thanks Jack, oh yes, we made up. Like I said, I apologized to him. We have moved beyond it.