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Addicted to loneliness
#11
Hey Dirta, welcome to the forum.

I understand what you're saying, I have had myself pull back from relationships before, mostly friendship ones but also one or two potentially romantic ones... All because of fear that once I open myself up, I wouldn't be understood or liked, I'd be found odd and ridiculed, and it would hurt me more than not ever taking a chance would.

I took a chance now over 2 years ago and indeed got hurt like never before, but I got over it with time and realise now that it won't go my way all the time, but that doesn't mean it'snot worth trying so I have recently decided to start taking chances again and will see what comes from that. One thing is for sure though, I will always need space, my own place where I can be by my self, I've learned that much.
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#12
(04-12-2017, 12:38 PM)Skyless Wrote:
(04-09-2017, 02:42 AM)dirta Wrote: Hi, everyone. I'm new here.
I don't have lots of friends, because I have a tendency to drift away from everyone. It's like I find comfort in my loneliness and thoughts. But when I'm alone for some time I start to feel this strong longing for affection and interaction with people who are simply not there. When I finally find somebody, I sabotage it. I start to be picky or make up reasons why that person won't ever understand me. And I turn to loneliness once again.  I feel like I'm married to loneliness or it is like addiction. Chained up in my own freedom.
Anyone feels the same?

Welcome to the forum Dirta Smile

I'm curious what you mean by "chained up in freedom"? It's an interesting contradiction. Are you afraid that actually pursuing something long enough or genuinely enough to actually be understood will bring with it its own set of obligations that you can't practically cope with in the real sense? Or has the fear of any kind of obligation in the abstract sense been so strong that loneliness has seemed like the only path left to tread?

I hope you enjoy your time here Smile 

Take Care Smile
Umm... I guess what I meant is that I've build this grand fortress of privacy to myself, to be free and do whatever I want, and so that no one could get to me, see me for who I truely am. 
Fool.  Club  Now I realise I've build myself a prison.
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#13
Yea, I feel the same. I think if you stay lonely for a long time, you come in a more smaller and better comfort zone and find it the hardest to begin to bring changes to stop your loneliness. But once you start doing the changes then it's easier to do the latter part. And once you get to adjusted to the non-so-lonely life, you are no longer addicted to loneliness.
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