I am feeling so lonely

The loneliness hurts. I am feeling empty.
There is no one I am close to, no one I have a connection with.


I don't know what to do anymore

You just have to keep trying until you find something you have a connection with. It's all anyone can do.

Great, just keep trying until the end of time. Really helps against the loneliness

I tried so many things already and they didn't work. I am losing my motivation to keep trying.

If you need a friend to talk too, I'm here. I'm very non judgemental and I won't tell you cliches that only others will tell you.

Dexter said:

Great, just keep trying until the end of time. Really helps against the loneliness

I tried so many things already and they didn't work. I am losing my motivation to keep trying.

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If you stop trying, you'll never get what you want.  No, it may not be what you want to hear, but that's really all you can do, it's all anyone can do.  Go to new places, see new people, talk to everyone.  Eventually, you will find someone.

Dexter said:

Great, just keep trying until the end of time. Really helps against the loneliness

I tried so many things already and they didn't work. I am losing my motivation to keep trying.

Click to expand...

Hi. what things have you tried so far?

Restless soul said:

Dexter said:

Great, just keep trying until the end of time. Really helps against the loneliness

I tried so many things already and they didn't work. I am losing my motivation to keep trying.

Click to expand...

Hi. what things have you tried so far?

Click to expand...

These are the things I tried so far in order to make some friends and in order to get better at making friends and being less lonely:

• I went to the gym
• I joined a sports club
• I went to several sport activities at my university
• I attended several language classes
• I lived in a student dorm for 2 years
• I did 2 internships
• I approached my class mates and we did some things together (like bowling). But it was always me who initiated these activities and after 3 or 4 times they lost interest
• I chatted with a lot of people online
• I went to a therapist

I am not saying that doing all of these things was useless.
Some things were fun experiences, some things were not. I learned knew things, did some sport and got working experience. That's all good.

But it didn't help me in regard to making friends and building connections with other people. I didn't make a friend during all that time and I am lonely.

I think you should continue to do those things regardless. Who knows you may meet someone one day who will be willing to talk to you. Continue to talk to people, continue trying, reach out and speak up. Think it's a good thing that you went to see a therapist. They truly do help. If you just stop doing those things, nothing is going to move forward. Sitting around won't help.

You have to continue to try. Don't give up so soon.

Dexter said:

Restless soul said:

Dexter said:

Great, just keep trying until the end of time. Really helps against the loneliness

I tried so many things already and they didn't work. I am losing my motivation to keep trying.

Click to expand...

Hi. what things have you tried so far?

Click to expand...

These are the things I tried so far in order to make some friends and in order to get better at making friends and being less lonely:

• I went to the gym
• I joined a sports club
• I went to several sport activities at my university
• I attended several language classes
• I lived in a student dorm for 2 years
• I did 2 internships
• I approached my class mates and we did some things together (like bowling). But it was always me who initiated these activities and after 3 or 4 times they lost interest
• I chatted with a lot of people online
• I went to a therapist

I am not saying that doing all of these things was useless.
Some things were fun experiences, some things were not. I learned knew things, did some sport and got working experience. That's all good.

But it didn't help me in regard to making friends and building connections with other people. I didn't make a friend during all that time and I am lonely.

Click to expand...

Well that is a pretty active list of things.  Way more out there than I ever am. So it's curious to me why you haven't made any connections throughout? why do you think?

Dexter said:

Restless soul said:

Dexter said:

Great, just keep trying until the end of time. Really helps against the loneliness

I tried so many things already and they didn't work. I am losing my motivation to keep trying.

Click to expand...

Hi. what things have you tried so far?

Click to expand...

These are the things I tried so far in order to make some friends and in order to get better at making friends and being less lonely:

• I went to the gym
• I joined a sports club
• I went to several sport activities at my university
• I attended several language classes
• I lived in a student dorm for 2 years
• I did 2 internships
• I approached my class mates and we did some things together (like bowling). But it was always me who initiated these activities and after 3 or 4 times they lost interest
• I chatted with a lot of people online
• I went to a therapist

I am not saying that doing all of these things was useless.
Some things were fun experiences, some things were not. I learned knew things, did some sport and got working experience. That's all good.

But it didn't help me in regard to making friends and building connections with other people. I didn't make a friend during all that time and I am lonely.

Click to expand...

Wow. Pretty amazing list indeed. I'm too anxious to join any clubs etc. 
Hmm. Usually, in any group of people, there is at least one person who is more shy and quiet.  Did You try to connect with people like that? Or did You try to be friends with the most popular ones of the group?

Restless soul said:

Dexter said:

These are the things I tried so far in order to make some friends and in order to get better at making friends and being less lonely:

• I went to the gym
• I joined a sports club
• I went to several sport activities at my university
• I attended several language classes
• I lived in a student dorm for 2 years
• I did 2 internships
• I approached my class mates and we did some things together (like bowling). But it was always me who initiated these activities and after 3 or 4 times they lost interest
• I chatted with a lot of people online
• I went to a therapist

I am not saying that doing all of these things was useless.
Some things were fun experiences, some things were not. I learned knew things, did some sport and got working experience. That's all good.

But it didn't help me in regard to making friends and building connections with other people. I didn't make a friend during all that time and I am lonely.

Click to expand...

Well that is a pretty active list of things.  Way more out there than I ever am. So it's curious to me why you haven't made any connections throughout? why do you think?

Click to expand...

It's not that easy for me to interact with other people. I have anxiety and it makes it difficult for me to approach other people.

Nevertheless I still manage to approach other people sometimes. I just don't talk that much and I am a more quiet and introverted person.

It is always just smalltalk, never more.
On the one hand other people never show much interested. But on the other hand I do have a hard time reaching out to other people as well.

It's like there is a wall between me and other people and I have no idea how to break through it.

I am scared to open up to other people and it is difficult for me to build a connection.
I think I am scared that I might get rejected and that other people might not like me or will hurt me.


And I don't how to change any of these things. Like I mentioned before, I went to a therapist mostly because of these things.
But it didn't help me at all. It didn't get any better.

Looks like everyone lost interest in talking about it

Do you know about Asperger's Syndrome i used to be like you, now i understand the reason it makes everything easier

Pennywise said:

Do you know about Asperger's Syndrome i used to be like you, now i understand the reason it makes everything easier

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Yes, I am aware of the Asperger Syndrome.

But I don't have it as far as I know.

I have social anxiety as well. Sometimes I get tired of reaching out to others and feel the need to take a break from it for awhile. That's when I try to spend time doing things that make me feel better, like going for walks, writing, etc., and then after a few weeks or even months of that I start working on myself and trying new things that I hope will make me better and help me to become a person that others want to spend some time around. I'm not saying that you're not - that's just what I try to do to help the loneliness. Then I start over with the reaching out, calling, texting, messaging, setting up times to meet, etc, and it starts all over again and I keep doing it with the hope that someone will stick. That's all I know how to do. Hope this helps.

I'll retype this when I've had more coffee.

Dexter said:

The loneliness hurts. I am feeling empty.
There is no one I am close to, no one I have a connection with.


I don't know what to do anymore

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Hi Dexter;

 I think a lot of people feel the same way as you do. It's not an easy time to live on planet earth, people seem much less interested in forming those strong connections. I read an article the other day about people becoming less social in the modern era. I think this is a big mistake, people are going to wake up one day and realize that technology is not a friend that can comfort us or answer us back with a reassuring voice. I think the way that many are living today is already taking an emotional toll, after all, depression is certainly on the rise. It seems no one is really happy, their just getting by until the next counseling session and dose of medication. So are we really advancing as a species, or are we slowly destroying ourselves from the inside out? 

 I suppose the good news is, that there are some of us left who want meaningful friendships and connections with others. We're not satisfied just staring at the television, or fiddling with our iPhones and tablets. We respect others, and will open our hearts and homes to those who show that respect in return. The downside: finding those like-minded others who have the same values is not as easy as we would like it to be. We're scattered here there and everywhere, finding and signing up on forums such as this one. We're searching everywhere to find even a small opportunity to say, " hey, I'm here and I'm alive!" And then have that moment where someone answers us back and says, "I know and I see you." 

 For what it's worth Dexter, I see you... many of us do, because we're all here for pretty much the same reason. And from what I can tell on this form, many of us are here if you ever wish to talk or send along a private message... I include myself in that many 

Honey, pleasee talk to me whenever you want!! I feel lonely too..

Nothing changes, I am still feeling lonely. And no one cares ...

I don't know what to do anymore

Dexter said:

Nothing changes, I am still feeling lonely. And no one cares ...

I don't know what to do anymore

Click to expand...

So sorry. I can really hear your pain in your words. Partly because I feel the same way. Have for all my life. I do volunteer work now, I go to a few groups and classes every week .... but that's been how it's been for 20+ years now. I never make any connections at any of them. Can't even remember the last conversation I got out of any of the groups and classes I go to. I've been through therapy. Over and over and over again. Been diagnosed with depression, of course, and social anxiety. And with Borderline, Avoidant, and Dependant Personality Disorders. And only in the last few months, the last psychiatrist I saw diagnosed me as being autistic (even though all other therapists I had seen said that I wasn't). Even online, I don't have any connection with anyone, nobody I talk with on any regular basis, and even few places where I feel I can write and express my thoughts and feelings without being bullied or ignored for doing so. Huh, actually, now that I think of it, there isn't ANYWHERE at all. I dropped out of writing on here for a long time because it just felt like there was so many people willing to churn out the same cliched advice, even when it is quite evident that it doesn't help everyone, but very, very few people who are actually willing to try and be friends. I find that a lot though, everywhere, that most people aren't willing to try, aren't willing to make an effort. If you want to be friends with a 41 year old Australian, or if anyone does, I'm more than willing to try. Although experience tells me not to hold my breath .....