Well, I guess you are here now, depression, maybe not, maybe it is just having no more hope, I was the kind of person who always had hope, always thought there was a way out, things can only get better, not today. I took a few sleeping pills last night just to manage to get throw it, sadly you get to wake up again to your reality, the sorrow and despair weighing heavily in your heart, feeling your body is to heavy to even stand worse to walk, I guess it was hope that kept me going after all. Eyes flooded with tears, even when you are not really crying, and that burning sensation at the back of my throat, all is lost.
I have a week of this to expect, some moments will be even harder, I have no idea how I am going to do this.
I wanted love so badly, when I gave up it found me, but love can make you feel so hi, and also so low. Love will make you do anything, but when you feel it fading, you fade away too. I started to fade a while back, but hoped love was still there.
Now, love is gone, I am still in love, to someone that is gone, I cant blame him, I really did try mi amor, even if you couldnt see it. I am sorry, so sorry for not being strong enough.
Every time I hear a car passing by I hope it is you, then I remember that will never be true again. I have lost you mi amor.
I dont know how I will get on that plane this time, last time I almost didnt make it, if God has mercy for me maybe this time I wont make it, maybe he will just say it is ok to stop now. Mau will be on her way home, they will take care of her..
And I will be on my way to a different place. Or maybe I will be stuck here, trying to fix all the things I did wrong.
I have no hope anymore, the one who was my light is gone, now there is only darkness. I know I will get used to the loneliness, but the pain of letting you down, that will never go away, I gave it all, now I have nothing. I feel the nothing will consume me, and I will disappear, as if I had never really existed, nothing will ever be ok again.
So, this is what hopelessness is like, just darkness and sorrow, waiting for divine grace to say, this is your last breath.
I am so sorry, for everything I did wrong, even sometimes without knowing.
I am just an empty shell now, no reason to go on, yet I have to somehow. Even if for Mau´s sake, just to get her there.
I am as worthless as all the stuff that ended up in the trash, no one will pick me up and take me to the dumpster though. I will have to pick the trash I have become.
I am sorry ALL members I might be posting a lot today, and the following days, trying to find a way to get some of the emotions out, there is no one else and no where else I can do this with.
I lost my light, my home, and with that went all my hope. And as hard as you try not to, you just keep breathing.
I have a week of this to expect, some moments will be even harder, I have no idea how I am going to do this.
I wanted love so badly, when I gave up it found me, but love can make you feel so hi, and also so low. Love will make you do anything, but when you feel it fading, you fade away too. I started to fade a while back, but hoped love was still there.
Now, love is gone, I am still in love, to someone that is gone, I cant blame him, I really did try mi amor, even if you couldnt see it. I am sorry, so sorry for not being strong enough.
Every time I hear a car passing by I hope it is you, then I remember that will never be true again. I have lost you mi amor.
I dont know how I will get on that plane this time, last time I almost didnt make it, if God has mercy for me maybe this time I wont make it, maybe he will just say it is ok to stop now. Mau will be on her way home, they will take care of her..
And I will be on my way to a different place. Or maybe I will be stuck here, trying to fix all the things I did wrong.
I have no hope anymore, the one who was my light is gone, now there is only darkness. I know I will get used to the loneliness, but the pain of letting you down, that will never go away, I gave it all, now I have nothing. I feel the nothing will consume me, and I will disappear, as if I had never really existed, nothing will ever be ok again.
So, this is what hopelessness is like, just darkness and sorrow, waiting for divine grace to say, this is your last breath.
I am so sorry, for everything I did wrong, even sometimes without knowing.
I am just an empty shell now, no reason to go on, yet I have to somehow. Even if for Mau´s sake, just to get her there.
I am as worthless as all the stuff that ended up in the trash, no one will pick me up and take me to the dumpster though. I will have to pick the trash I have become.
I am sorry ALL members I might be posting a lot today, and the following days, trying to find a way to get some of the emotions out, there is no one else and no where else I can do this with.
I lost my light, my home, and with that went all my hope. And as hard as you try not to, you just keep breathing.