married, but lonely.....

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rw80

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anyone else?

my husband is only home a few days a month bc he works-- and basically lives-- out of state.... what's the point of being married, really?

We don't just have this physical distance, he is not there for me emotionally, WHATSOEVER.....

I don't have any loyal friends.... so that makes the loneliness I already feel, just that much worse when my husband is never around...
 
kamya said:
I'm not married but I am lonely. In my expert opinion you should...

Make a baby! :O

HAHA! already have a few of those.... and can't have anymore....

we can practice tho, I suppose..... :)
 
When he's not there, live your own life, go do the things you like doing, maybe even socialize and make some friends if you have the time to get out off the house.

It's easier said than done though, I myself find it hard to find motivation to do things on my own.
 
isn't it possible for you and your kids to live with him over there? unless he is a soldier, I'm assuming it's possible
 
rw80 said:
anyone else?

my husband is only home a few days a month bc he works-- and basically lives-- out of state.... what's the point of being married, really?

We don't just have this physical distance, he is not there for me emotionally, WHATSOEVER.....

I don't have any loyal friends.... so that makes the loneliness I already feel, just that much worse when my husband is never around...

For a couple of years I worked in the city and my husband was living Upstate. I missed him a lot and at times felt lonely. However, we worked it out by calling and talking to each other at a certain time each night. On weekends we would Skype when I couldn't get home. It is important to stay connected even though you are separated physically. Talk to him about calling each day and share your day with each other. Try to make the best of the time you do have together.
 
I was "Lonely" for most of my marriage..when I was actually "with" him, of course. He would work out of town a lot. Even when he wasn't, he didn't always come home. The bar held more sway than his family. So I know the feeling. But, my situation was a bit different from yours.

I agree with whoever it was that said you should go out and get a life of your own. Have fun, find hobbies, do something for yourself and forget about all the troubles. You only get one life, right?
 
roy1986 said:
isn't it possible for you and your kids to live with him over there?  unless he is a soldier, I'm assuming it's possible

It IS possible, but not practical.. I just got accepted to a nursing program here.. he's not in the military, anymore... he did 15 years in the Air Force--- been there done that crap... I already know what it's like to be apart for years at a time.... figured after he got out of the military, that would stop..... nope!
 
MisterLonely said:
When he's not there, live your own life, go do the things you like doing, maybe even socialize and make some friends if you have the time to get out off the house.

It's easier said than done though, I myself find it hard to find motivation to do things on my own.

Yep, easier said than done... I've done my fair share of trying to make friends..... good people are hard to find

I do need to find a hobby though..... it is DEFINITELY hard for me to find motivation to do things on my own as well...
 
rw80 said:
anyone else?

my husband is only home a few days a month bc he works-- and basically lives-- out of state.... what's the point of being married, really?

We don't just have this physical distance, he is not there for me emotionally, WHATSOEVER.....

I don't have any loyal friends.... so that makes the loneliness I already feel, just that much worse when my husband is never around...

You only live once, so as you watch the sands running down make sure that's what you want. I spent 23 years in a really bad marriage...and obviously I would do things differently if I could.  In my case, she was verbally abusive to both myself and my son. I married her when she was 18 and I was 23, I had just gotten out of the army and met her at a church. I was into the relationship because she showered me with alot of attention and affection, and I always had minimal luck with women so I thought I struck gold. Her family hated me, that should have been one of the red flags. She was immature and I really wasn't attracted to her, her personality either....just the treatment, which changed right after we were married.  I spent 20 years using a ton of boundaries, and I worked on myself for about 10 years - tweaking some things I didn't like. I spent all my free time with my son when he was born.... and in hindsight, If I had divorced earlier, knowing me, I would have gotten all caught up dating and probably making the same mistake again over and over, picking the wrong women. So while I was unhappy, at least I used to time wisely. I fixed alot of things and I came out the other side a better person - although I do resent being with her that long.

Back to "the sands of time."  I am in a true love relationship, for the last almost two years.  I used to eyeball roll at the words "true love" - yet it exists. All those **** songs are true, all that mushy crap they write about in cards, true.... Luck has alot to do with it along with "right time and place."  In your situation, wasting away in a lonely relationship ties you up, making you unavailable to anyone else who might be ecstatic about being with you.  I spent alot of time online dating, and getting involved with 3-monthers (relationships that were going nowhere) and decided to stay single because of what I just said, I might miss someone really good because I'm involved with the wrong women.  And that's exactly what happened, I have NEVER been this happy in my entire life. What's more, never been this consistently happy, it almost feels wrong.

Please don't waste time. You can't get it back.  If there are no emotions, talk to your husband....see if there is someway to fix things, compromises that can make your relationship what it should be. If not, be honest, be blunt, and make your choice and stick with it. If by chance, you have no interest because you are burned out emotionally, you call the shots... you still need to have that talk, but just say, "listen, I'm done. I have no emotional connection here, and I'm getting nothing out of this relationship. We need to end things." Then start taking steps to do that.
 
morrowrd said:
rw80 said:
anyone else?

my husband is only home a few days a month bc he works-- and basically lives-- out of state.... what's the point of being married, really?

We don't just have this physical distance, he is not there for me emotionally, WHATSOEVER.....

I don't have any loyal friends.... so that makes the loneliness I already feel, just that much worse when my husband is never around...

You only live once, so as you watch the sands running down make sure that's what you want. I spent 23 years in a really bad marriage...and obviously I would do things differently if I could.  In my case, she was verbally abusive to both myself and my son. I married her when she was 18 and I was 23, I had just gotten out of the army and met her at a church. I was into the relationship because she showered me with alot of attention and affection, and I always had minimal luck with women so I thought I struck gold. Her family hated me, that should have been one of the red flags. She was immature and I really wasn't attracted to her, her personality either....just the treatment, which changed right after we were married.  I spent 20 years using a ton of boundaries, and I worked on myself for about 10 years - tweaking some things I didn't like. I spent all my free time with my son when he was born.... and in hindsight, If I had divorced earlier, knowing me, I would have gotten all caught up dating and probably making the same mistake again over and over, picking the wrong women. So while I was unhappy, at least I used to time wisely. I fixed alot of things and I came out the other side a better person - although I do resent being with her that long.

Back to "the sands of time."  I am in a true love relationship, for the last almost two years.  I used to eyeball roll at the words "true love" - yet it exists. All those **** songs are true, all that mushy crap they write about in cards, true.... Luck has alot to do with it along with "right time and place."  In your situation, wasting away in a lonely relationship ties you up, making you unavailable to anyone else who might be ecstatic about being with you.  I spent alot of time online dating, and getting involved with 3-monthers (relationships that were going nowhere) and decided to stay single because of what I just said, I might miss someone really good because I'm involved with the wrong women.  And that's exactly what happened, I have NEVER been this happy in my entire life. What's more, never been this consistently happy, it almost feels wrong.

Please don't waste time. You can't get it back.  If there are no emotions, talk to your husband....see if there is someway to fix things, compromises that can make your relationship what it should be. If not, be honest, be blunt, and make your choice and stick with it. If by chance, you have no interest because you are burned out emotionally, you call the shots... you still need to have that talk, but just say, "listen, I'm done. I have no emotional connection here, and I'm getting nothing out of this relationship. We need to end things." Then start taking steps to do that.

Thank you for your reply.. I am glad you have found someone!! that makes me happy.. bc I always wonder that when things do end with my husband, that I won't be able to find anyone..

I literally talk with him every time I see him about him not emotionally supporting me.. it's exhausting.. I have told him how I feel about everything.. he knows.. and nothing ever changes...
 

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