rw80 said:
anyone else?
my husband is only home a few days a month bc he works-- and basically lives-- out of state.... what's the point of being married, really?
We don't just have this physical distance, he is not there for me emotionally, WHATSOEVER.....
I don't have any loyal friends.... so that makes the loneliness I already feel, just that much worse when my husband is never around...
You only live once, so as you watch the sands running down make sure that's what you want. I spent 23 years in a really bad marriage...and obviously I would do things differently if I could. In my case, she was verbally abusive to both myself and my son. I married her when she was 18 and I was 23, I had just gotten out of the army and met her at a church. I was into the relationship because she showered me with alot of attention and affection, and I always had minimal luck with women so I thought I struck gold. Her family hated me, that should have been one of the red flags. She was immature and I really wasn't attracted to her, her personality either....just the treatment, which changed right after we were married. I spent 20 years using a ton of boundaries, and I worked on myself for about 10 years - tweaking some things I didn't like. I spent all my free time with my son when he was born.... and in hindsight, If I had divorced earlier, knowing me, I would have gotten all caught up dating and probably making the same mistake again over and over, picking the wrong women. So while I was unhappy, at least I used to time wisely. I fixed alot of things and I came out the other side a better person - although I do resent being with her that long.
Back to "the sands of time." I am in a true love relationship, for the last almost two years. I used to eyeball roll at the words "true love" - yet it exists. All those **** songs are true, all that mushy crap they write about in cards, true.... Luck has alot to do with it along with "right time and place." In your situation, wasting away in a lonely relationship ties you up, making you unavailable to anyone else who might be ecstatic about being with you. I spent alot of time online dating, and getting involved with 3-monthers (relationships that were going nowhere) and decided to stay single because of what I just said, I might miss someone really good because I'm involved with the wrong women. And that's exactly what happened, I have NEVER been this happy in my entire life. What's more, never been this consistently happy, it almost feels wrong.
Please don't waste time. You can't get it back. If there are no emotions, talk to your husband....see if there is someway to fix things, compromises that can make your relationship what it should be. If not, be honest, be blunt, and make your choice and stick with it. If by chance, you have no interest because you are burned out emotionally, you call the shots... you still need to have that talk, but just say, "listen, I'm done. I have no emotional connection here, and I'm getting nothing out of this relationship. We need to end things." Then start taking steps to do that.