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haywud

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no this is not a suicide thread, i don't have the guts to kill myself even though i wish i did. my depression is getting worse, my anxiety is getting worse. without anything going for me in my life there is no help for me. i tried writing a letter to my mom explaining what's going on and that did nothing. i can no longer sleep, i'm lucky to get maybe 4 hours a day if i spend the entire day trying to sleep. i feel so hopeless and helpless right now. i feel completely hollow, just empty inside. i've fallen as low as i can, i've simply lost my way and lost this battle. not sure what the point of this thread is, i guess i'm just hoping that venting about it will help me to stop crying. i wish i had help, but without a job or insurance or anyone around me that actually cares there's just no hope anymore. i'm just going to spend the rest of my life in this hell until my time comes to an end
 
What exactly are you doing for your depression and anxiety? It will likely only get worse if you continue to live in it. Force yourself to get out more. Go have fun. And stop expecting others to do the work for you, if you want out of the hole you are in, start climbing.
Start fighting for yourself and don't stop until you find a solution.
 
Can you find a job somehow, it is a fundamental part of life? you can do very little without one! I have been through a time of not working & not caring; I had lost hope. But it was actually a video game of all things, that needed crowd funding, & stimulated the desire in me to get a job again just so I could buy into it.

Since then things have changed so much. I have got my life in much better shape, I still work a dead easy job in fast food, where employers are always in need of staff. I'm less than a week away from talking to my doctor for the first time about my mental health issue's, lining up to look for a better job, & build a social life, meet new people, go dating. Got some traveling dreams to live out too, actualy thinking about blowing what little savings I have on the trip of a life time because you never know when your time is up.

I'm not a very good at writing, but I've learn so much in the last few years: life is for living but you have to make it happen because nobody else is going to do it for you. If your parents haven't prepared you for the world by now, it might be because they never knew how to; go easy on them, they may well have done the best job they know how to.

I say I got lucky because that game came along, but the real truth is that just encouraged me to get a job. Things really started to get better when I finally had the thought to ask myself what I wanted from life. I put pen to paper & wrote down some life goals & I have never stopped crafting those writings, it's such an ever evolving thing, & so far it has been a process of cutting the crap out of life, it's taken a long time but I'm now getting to the place in life where I want to be.

I hope you find a good reason to get things going for you.
 

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