W
wallflower79
Guest
I just wanted to say thank you for the many friendly people here at ALL I have met. I was a longtime lurker on the forum during the time I was not a member, and it was therapeutic reading about people who had similar experiences to me, but it was better when I joined since now I don't "drunkdial" my friends or ex whenever I experience terrible loneliness.
I was depressed to the point of daily suicide ideation and thoughts for over a decade, and then last summer I began to lose the depression and suicide ideation and although it went over to mania and I was exhausted and not thinking straight, it was nice to not think of death all the time. Then when I came home to my parents' place last September I was so doped up on the shots they gave me that I later found out I acted like a zombie, walked with a shuffling walk, and my tongue would dart out of my mouth like a lizard. But when the shots wore off I started to feel like I was slowly climbing out of the deep pit that was my depression. I had never thought I would see the light of day from that dark cloud again, I had experienced it so long.
I even had anhedonia - inability to experience pleasure - in that my happy memories had disappeared, but over that winter I began to remember happy things that happened to me in middle school, which was the last time I wasn't depressed, and I began to see things in color again. I read many stories about depression, and how they "deal with it" every day now, but I don't really read stories of how they come out of depression.
I think my depression had had an element of fear to it, where I would constantly panic in unfamiliar situations. I had also felt like such a burden when I talked to my friends about the problem, and on my parents for the bills of talking to medical professionals. One night I was thinking of how to keep myself from going back into the tunnel of deep depression when it came into my mind that I should attempt to return to this forum again. Needless to say, it is nice to be able to come here and talk to people who will listen and understand and give me the opportunity to vent so that I do not constantly feel like a burden to my non online friends.
I just wanted those people to know that that was appreciated, and I feel like I am better at coming out of my shell and socializing and that I may hopefully and finally conquer my depression once and for all. Thank you for reading.
I was depressed to the point of daily suicide ideation and thoughts for over a decade, and then last summer I began to lose the depression and suicide ideation and although it went over to mania and I was exhausted and not thinking straight, it was nice to not think of death all the time. Then when I came home to my parents' place last September I was so doped up on the shots they gave me that I later found out I acted like a zombie, walked with a shuffling walk, and my tongue would dart out of my mouth like a lizard. But when the shots wore off I started to feel like I was slowly climbing out of the deep pit that was my depression. I had never thought I would see the light of day from that dark cloud again, I had experienced it so long.
I even had anhedonia - inability to experience pleasure - in that my happy memories had disappeared, but over that winter I began to remember happy things that happened to me in middle school, which was the last time I wasn't depressed, and I began to see things in color again. I read many stories about depression, and how they "deal with it" every day now, but I don't really read stories of how they come out of depression.
I think my depression had had an element of fear to it, where I would constantly panic in unfamiliar situations. I had also felt like such a burden when I talked to my friends about the problem, and on my parents for the bills of talking to medical professionals. One night I was thinking of how to keep myself from going back into the tunnel of deep depression when it came into my mind that I should attempt to return to this forum again. Needless to say, it is nice to be able to come here and talk to people who will listen and understand and give me the opportunity to vent so that I do not constantly feel like a burden to my non online friends.
I just wanted those people to know that that was appreciated, and I feel like I am better at coming out of my shell and socializing and that I may hopefully and finally conquer my depression once and for all. Thank you for reading.
