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I sit here, refreshing the site every 5 minutes, waiting, I don´t know exactly for what. Feeling disappointed in general. My family sucks, more even now, they seem to surprise me in new bad ways every time. 

I think my nephew was the only one that was sincerely happy to see me again. 

This place, is not home anymore, it seems unfamiliar, cold, no one really cares at all. 

And my love is now so far away, he must be going through hell, as am I...I feel so foolish, so guilty. 

I messed everything up. How could I believe it was going to be different?

How could you not, we all do that, and it doesn't work out every time, but you need to keep believing it will someday... Keep making mistakes, keep getting hurt until you find something worthwhile.

I'm sorry things didn't go your way, hope you and your kitty got back "home" ok.

Off to work for me.

Sorry, mau, I read your diary entry and I understand how awful heartache is. I feel surrounded by fake people constantly that don't really care about me and I have spent a good portion of my life worrying about friends secretly hating me and gossiping me behind my back. I shouldn't spend so much time worrying about it, but I do. I constantly refresh this site too, and I don't know what I am waiting for either. I feel like I am starving for meaningful interactions with real people, the kind where you really connect and are expressing and sharing ideas that you yourself could never have come up on your own, and while I have found some of that here, I think I need to stop living on the Internet, wasting time, and get a real life. But here we can vent and be here for each other, and hope that the storms pass away while still leaving us in one piece.