Anyone know some real winners?

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EmilyFoxSeaton

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At work I have occasion to work with some real winners. They are defined as 
  • Handsome... we are talking Brad Pitt isn't even close to them. (but all married)
  • Unaware they are handsome
  • Smart and great at their job.
  • Kind (not nice) and generous
  • Beloved by all
  • Hysterically funny. Great wit.
  • Sometimes drooled over by women 
  • Always choose me in appropriate situations. When it counts.
But, typically, I have trouble with them. In that the more I become aware of these factors the more say another woman will openly drool over them.. right beside me.. the more they amp up the potential flirting... the more they get impressive things happen in their career.. the more I withdraw.  And just not want to be around them anymore.   I feel like when we first meet I just see them as anyone who may or may not be good looking... but nothing special.. when I find out the are special... I don't want to be near them.

Self protection.. maybe. It just seems like there is just so much baggage with a great guy.  Especially if your not.    Most people are not this way and I do think I kind of have hurt feelings of great guys before by withdrawing.

This came up again recently and I know I am doing it again, but I have lost my ability to make jokes.. or say cheeky things.  Even sometimes to look at him head on. I just want to be elsewhere. And he knows it. 

Anyone have this issue?
 
I don't really have your issue exactly, because I'm not really sure what you are describing, but I have an issue where I am around a lot of single guys most of the time, as well as single girls, and whenever I meet one and start getting to know one, I feel other girls want to compete with me for their attention, so then I just back off because I don't want to bother competing with them. I also feel like every time I start liking a guy, no matter who he is, what he looks like, his social or occupational circumstances, that all of sudden other girls start becoming interested in that guy purely because I like him. But maybe that is all in my head and I am just a crazy person. More likely the second. :/
 
I am not one of those men. But yes it is possible to become such a person. But it will cost you.
 
I'm not sure what you're describing either. Brad Pitt isn't really handsome to me. What could be another example?
 
It almost sounds like you have a crush on them and "just know" it won't happen, so you are removing yourself from the situation.

Also, yeah, I'm not big on Brad Pitt either. I don't think he's bad looking, but I don't think he's all that and a bag of chips.
 
I like Kurt Russell better. At least he looks like the kind of guy you can have a beer with and not brag about his 45 million dollar mansion or something ;-)

I get what your saying, I think. I'm probably a little bit like that to. Stupid example, Harry Potter. I started hearing about it from everyone around me, they released the movies, it was this big huge thing, yadda yadda...hated it. I'd see a commercial and just hate the guys face for absolutely no valid reason.Yet...it's probably the kind of thing that I like. I like sci-fi and fantasy books. So, what will probably happen is I'll wait till it's forgotten, then read it lol. In my case, I think it's a natural tendency for anti-conformism. I don't really like to cling to societal norms and such and I'll instinctively be draw to what is outside what "everyone likes". Maybe there's a similar thing with you. Because "winners" are, in essence, defined by the most common popular opinion of what all of us think, as a society. If we lived in a society based on who can collect the most garbage, probably the stinkiest guy would be considered a winner. Probably NOT someone one would want to have experiences with ;-)

Defense mechanism?
How about discernement, or intelligent instead?
I dunno, I always figured "if it's too good to be true, it probably isn't". The facade that's shown in public doesn't mean those guys are necessarily that perfect. They might be the ones you end up reading about who beat their wives, or screw the next door babysitter or had a threesome with aunt Jenny and uncle Bob and of course, you're colleges married to them are never going to tell you. I found out similar things latter on in my life and in a lot of cases, those girls I had eyes on which were considered "winners" are, ironically, almost all single now and considering what they've told me, not people I'd want to date in the first place.

Great guys are, in the first place, self defined. A good friend of mine is dating her boyfriend right now, they just had a kid and are talking of marrying. She keeps telling me what a great guy he is. On the other hand, the only thing I see is a big, fat, dumb, arrogant son of a gun who has trouble keeping a job, can't be polite to someone else for the life of him and is trying to get my friend to work while he plays live at home husband...she sees him in her soup and I'm not saying anything to preserve the friendship, because I know if I do she'll choose him over me, even if I'm correct. And far from the only one thinking that.

So yeah, I think I get what you're saying. I'm not really attracted to "the norm", though. I'll pick the shy girl sitting on the corner of the window over the prom queen.
Although I'm not a "great guy". Even if I've been told as much in the past. I think those girls had the same syndrome as my friend has ;-)
 
TheRealCallie said:
It almost sounds like you have a crush on them and "just know" it won't happen, so you are removing yourself from the situation.  

Well with such a person it is almost impossible NOT to have a crush on them but, I don't think in the classical sense - I do. I feel like it is more like I don't really see them as this "AMAZING" person and I am my same cheeky funny flirty self... as I would be with anyone. But then when I become aware the rest of the world sees them as this "AMAZING" person I can't be myself because people will think that I do have a crush on them and I am flirting. 

It is like there are just some people that society pegs and puts so much pressure on and around
 
EmilyFoxSeaton said:
TheRealCallie said:
It almost sounds like you have a crush on them and "just know" it won't happen, so you are removing yourself from the situation.  

Well with such a person it is almost impossible NOT to have a crush on them but, I don't think in the classical sense - I do. I feel like it is more like I don't really see them as this "AMAZING" person and I am my same cheeky funny flirty self... as I would be with anyone. But then when I become aware the rest of the world sees them as this "AMAZING" person I can't be myself because people will think that I do have a crush on them and I am flirting. 

It is like there are just some people that society pegs and puts so much pressure on and around

Why is it impossible to not have a crush on them?
 
EmilyFoxSeaton said:
TheRealCallie said:
It almost sounds like you have a crush on them and "just know" it won't happen, so you are removing yourself from the situation.  

Well with such a person it is almost impossible NOT to have a crush on them but, I don't think in the classical sense - I do. I feel like it is more like I don't really see them as this "AMAZING" person and I am my same cheeky funny flirty self... as I would be with anyone. But then when I become aware the rest of the world sees them as this "AMAZING" person I can't be myself because people will think that I do have a crush on them and I am flirting. 

It is like there are just some people that society pegs and puts so much pressure on and around

I don't understand why you "can't be yourself."  Why does it matter what other people think?  By changing who you are because other people see them as awesome, you are just adding to the illusion.  They are just human beings, the same as anyone else.  I'm not sure why they should be treated any different from the next, "less amazing" person. 

And yeah, like Nilla said, why is it impossible?
 
Im glad I'm not the only one dealing with this! I know a girl who fits every description you gave there, so I really know how your mind plays tricks on you. This girl I'm talking about is a 12 out of 10. She's perfect as far as I can see. She does running, She's Athletic, flys through exams (Last schooling year for her) unbelievably beautiful. Like I can't even explain! Even fits my personal preferences (Blonde hair, blue eyes) *Shudders. She's just incredible

Girl gets me on some prince vibes! "Could this be? The most beautiful girl in the world?" lol. But do you know what? I'm happy/lucky I never bump into her really. Everytime a picture would come up of her on facebook, (Not on it now) Even looking at a picture, I'd be so self-conscious! They say perfection doesn't exist but she's pretty **** close. Anyway.. I'm starting to day dream! The reason I'm posting on here, is it's our perception that makes it seem that way. If you were with him you'd soon see plenty of character flaws, even if he does look amazing. As hard as it may be, try to focus on some of his negatives. For every compliment you subconsciously give them, try twisting it. For me, She might be athletic, but I bet she's a pain to cook for/eat out with. Flys through exams, probably boring to speak too in the long run. It sounds petty, but you've accidentally put someone on a pedestal they don't really deserve. You need to try and knock them off it in your head. Only as an equal, do you have a chance with him. I realised this a little while ago with this girl and thought to myself "Instead of focusing on how great she is, the only thing I can do is improve myself" Imagine for a second if in a year's time you and him were together..you'd want to have something to give him back in a relationship, no?

I might have drifted off topic there abit lmao. So YES, I exactly know how you feel!
 
Just wanted to chime in real quick, if true love strikes, no one asks themselves all those questions. It kind of sneaks up on you and 2-3 years latter, you go like "Holy crap...I guess it's love".
You can be yourself, you just have to not care. I find most people who look perfect tend to play the part real well but really aren't. It's those you chat with every day and feel yourself all the time without asking yourself questions that are worth sticking around for, and they usually aren't the ones that necessarily fit any standards we put to ourselves.
My "type", if such a things exist, usually is a rather short, maybe 5'2 little lady with a little bit of fire, a big pair of....personalities and a nice smile ;-) Yet over the years, none of the meaningful relationships I've had were with women who fit that mold. They just kind of snuck up on me ;-) While it didn't last, I appreciate what I had for the time I had it and I'm very grateful to have met such unique people during those years.

Got a couple of "perfect girls" here at work. My fun is to not ogle or or do what they want at the drop of a dime like everyone else those, which I funnily notice irks them. Thus confirming to me that they're more shallow than everyone gives them credit for, hence not girls I'd likely date ;-)
Perfect girl, in my book, is perfect for me. Not for everyone else.

Just be yourself. Don't think about others twice when you're around anyone. Don't know you that much, but enough to know you're a cool cat ;-) Me not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, it's obvious I'm not the only one to think so, so show more of that and you'll have cool guys throwing themselves at you ;-)
 
Richard_39 said:
Perfect girl, in my book, is perfect for me. Not for everyone else.

I get that's what the point of the thread is - probably - but being thrown such a cookie-cutter description, I find myself not being sold on the idea.
 

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