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Do people become less interested in making friends with age?
#1
Am I the only one who notices this? Making friends in high school wasn't easy, but it seemed like everyone wanted them. Everyone wanted people to spend weekends with, to go out with, to talk to on the phone or see face to face over a good meal. No one had "too many friends" or "not enough time".

Now I'm almost 30 and I'm left scratching my head. I've tried the workplace, I've tried volunteer work, and I've tried online services. Work and volunteer settings have nice people but they're mostly 20+ years older than me and quite busy, both with work and with family. Online I only get contacted by single, heterosexual men wanting something else - oftentimes from other continents.

If so many people in the world deal with loneliness, as articles and studies keep suggesting, why do so few seek actual, physical friends? I live just outside of a big city. Where are all the lonely introverts who just want a nice cup of coffee and some chat?
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#2
I think that you are right, Tealeaf. I am 30 and most of my friends are much younger than I am. I think that most people my age are at a different stage in their life where they are more focused on their spouses and children and worry more about the social interaction of said children than of themselves. It has really been awhile since I hung out with a friend my own age and i don't even really know how to talk to them anymore, what with me being single and all. It does get tougher when you get older because I think that people tend to keep to their own social circles and are less inclined to reach out, while people in their early 20s are much more likely to be open to be friends with someone who does not share a common background with them. But that's just my view.
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#3
wallflower70 brings up some good points, but I also think that loneliness isn't enough to make a friendship work. I've met people through socializing/dating apps, loneliness forums, etc. and eventually we drifted apart. There has to be that spark between both parties. It's also possible that some have really high expectations and will write off those who don't fit their specific criteria. Probably not the most helpful thing to do when you're lonely, though.
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#4
It's deeply depressing. I spent several years improving myself, improving my life, all while telling myself and being told that if I got better I could just make new friends. And now it's too late. I missed my chance and all I have to show for those years of hard work is that I feel okay while sitting alone at my PC night after night instead of self-loathing and mildly suicidal.

I work, I volunteer, I reach out, and it's still not enough.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#5
It's only too late if you give up.
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#6
(05-31-2017, 05:36 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: It's deeply depressing. I spent several years improving myself, improving my life, all while telling myself and being told that if I got better I could just make new friends. And now it's too late. I missed my chance and all I have to show for those years of hard work is that I feel okay while sitting alone at my PC night after night instead of self-loathing and mildly suicidal.

I work, I volunteer, I reach out, and it's still not enough.

If it makes you feel any better I think there is a coming together at the end of life.. in the 50s and 60s as people start getting divorced.. the kids start going to college. Now they have time on their hands to look for friends. 

I was going to answer this question this way... for me.. I am less interested in making friends because after 30 years of making them I know where they all end up... on a spectrum from "no place to deep betrayal".  I feel like I have met almost very type of person and it is rare to find anyone genuinely interesting or exciting for me to want to be around. 

If I was redesigning life I would have a "second college" as a societal expectation around age 45 or so.  Some people do take sabbaticals but like literally everyone would go back to college, including living there,  for a few years. It would be a way to make friends that would last into death.  If you didn't stay at college the first time around you could do it now. It would give people things to look forward to.  If Knew any college deans I would suggest it.
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#7
Just move to florida with all the other old retired people =p. (When you get old)

Those communities seem to be pretty friendly and have activities and stuff. :O
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#8
I think it's because people are simply too busy with life. With all the expectations Friends, Family and Society have on us to achieve and perform, it's a miracle people have time to make friends at all and these expectations along with the amount of work only increase as you get older (They decrease after a certain point of course) contribute to people not having the time to make friends.
Life isn't easy... Introverts have become more common, social anxiety is worse now than it's ever been... It's genuinely really hard for a lot of people to make friends, for whatever reason.
A lot of my friends are Extroverts, because I really struggle to want to make friends due to my own social anxiety

I think it has little to do with people not wanting to make friends as they get older, but rather they prioritise other things in their life over making friends. Work, Family... Let's not forget about the people who turn to vices instead of making friends. Those who gamble in excess, drink, Game, etc.
You make time for friends (Whether that be to hang out with them or make them) when you're younger because your responsibilities are much lower. You have school 6 hours a day, homework for an hour and the rest of the day is yours. No needing to pay bills, relationships with partners are a lot less serious... You're generally less of a grown up.

As you go past the peak and decrease your workload, as your children move out or you lower your hours at work... Or retire, you go back to hobbies you never had time to, you go back to hanging out at Cafe's... Life becomes more simple and I think people tend to make more friends during the sunrise and sunset years of their life.
Dedication through Light and Darkness
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#9
I'm 42 and I got rid of all my friends after they basically turned their back on me. I have no desire to make new friends due to the fact that people are just assholes and only care for themselves.
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#10
I think people get less interested in increasingly numerous things with age. Also the fact that, if you're following a normal curve, the more age advances, the more independant and stuck in your ways you become. Having your life bothered might not be a big thing at 15, but at 55 it's another ball game.
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