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Do people become less interested in making friends with age?
#11
Speaking as someone in her early 60s and now widowed, I can say that I am always interested in making new friends. It’s often older people who are out there joining all kinds of clubs and groups but sadly these groups can often comprise all older people which can put off younger people from joining. These groups can be interesting and stimulating but can also be deeply boring if all people want to talk about is their grandchildren or poor health. That’s usually my cue to leave and find something else.

If you find there is nothing locally which appeals to you I think the best thing is not to follow but to lead. Start an evening book group, a film club, a current affairs discussion group or whatever interests you. Find a location, put up a poster, advertise on social media and just see who comes along. You may be surprised.
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#12
(05-30-2017, 01:55 PM)Tealeaf Wrote: Am I the only one who notices this? Making friends in high school wasn't easy, but it seemed like everyone wanted them. Everyone wanted people to spend weekends with, to go out with, to talk to on the phone or see face to face over a good meal. No one had "too many friends" or "not enough time".

Now I'm almost 30 and I'm left scratching my head. I've tried the workplace, I've tried volunteer work, and I've tried online services. Work and volunteer settings have nice people but they're mostly 20+ years older than me and quite busy, both with work and with family. Online I only get contacted by single, heterosexual men wanting something else - oftentimes from other continents.

If so many people in the world deal with loneliness, as articles and studies keep suggesting, why do so few seek actual, physical friends? I live just outside of a big city. Where are all the lonely introverts who just want a nice cup of coffee and some chat?

This is exactly how I feel it is, in your teens everyone makes the friends they will take with them into their adult lives, they get the social skills needed to make and maintain fiends, and then the circle tightens and closes off, they are not open to making new friends. They can be good company for an evening at all types off events and you might even become a FB friend (ugh), but it's hard to go further than that.

It seems to me the mid 20's to probably late mid 40's are a virtual wasteland when it comes to making friends, only after that age will people start to open up to new people in their lives, when they themselves are faced with possible breaks in their circle caused by deaths.

Having spend my teens in depression I made no friends, starting work at 24 and now almost 10 years there, I have great colleagues, we had work dinner nights, I went to a sports event with one that had a spare ticket. But it's not really a close friendship like you'd have with someone that comes over for drinks, a movie, a BBQ or just to hang.

The problem with those that are looking for friends is 2 fold, first they need to find each other, I've made great friends here on ALL, but they are scattered all over the place, I wish I could just hang with them irl like I sometimes do online. second is a universal one, that they need to have a click, as we all noticed, lost of lonely people here, but you won't relate to or like all of them, so this further lowers the chances of people finding one another.

That's my take on it anyway Smile

(05-31-2017, 05:36 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: It's deeply depressing. I spent several years improving myself, improving my life, all while telling myself and being told that if I got better I could just make new friends. And now it's too late. I missed my chance and all I have to show for those years of hard work is that I feel okay while sitting alone at my PC night after night instead of self-loathing and mildly suicidal.

I work, I volunteer, I reach out, and it's still not enough.

The same is true for me, you go through life doing all the things that are expected of a well rounded individual thinking that things will just "happen" if you keep bettering yourself, get a job, get an education, buy a home, work out to look good (or better at least), and you end up feeling good about who you are, how you look and what you do, but nothing "happens".

I used to do this thing where I said to myself at 15 "if I'm not happy at 20, I'll end it", then at 20 the message stayed the same but it got pushed back 5 years, same thing at 25 and again at 30. Things kept going better all the time, I now feel better about myself then I ever did and don't think I'll have a repeat of that at 35, so at the very least I got that for all my work.

I've been putting myself out there for years, if only things just started to "happen" for me.
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#13
Yes, because everyone wants to get, nobody wants to give.
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
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#14
One thing I am finding odd lately is that I meet a lot of older people who claim they want friends but then, they do things that indicate they don't. Perhaps it is due to exhaustion from the workplace and all. I think younger people are more likely to say they want friends and then actually go out and do things with them. Perhaps it is due to energy or less responsibilities etc.
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#15
(05-31-2017, 05:36 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: It's deeply depressing. I spent several years improving myself, improving my life, all while telling myself and being told that if I got better I could just make new friends. And now it's too late. I missed my chance and all I have to show for those years of hard work is that I feel okay while sitting alone at my PC night after night instead of self-loathing and mildly suicidal.

I work, I volunteer, I reach out, and it's still not enough.

Oh Tealeaf, I wish I could make you feel better. I think we always want friends no matter the age. Since leaving school I have never had a really good friend and have spent my life hoping to find one. Thank god for the internet and hence why I am on here. x

(05-30-2017, 01:55 PM)Tealeaf Wrote: Am I the only one who notices this? Making friends in high school wasn't easy, but it seemed like everyone wanted them. Everyone wanted people to spend weekends with, to go out with, to talk to on the phone or see face to face over a good meal. No one had "too many friends" or "not enough time".

Now I'm almost 30 and I'm left scratching my head. I've tried the workplace, I've tried volunteer work, and I've tried online services. Work and volunteer settings have nice people but they're mostly 20+ years older than me and quite busy, both with work and with family. Online I only get contacted by single, heterosexual men wanting something else - oftentimes from other continents.

If so many people in the world deal with loneliness, as articles and studies keep suggesting, why do so few seek actual, physical friends? I live just outside of a big city. Where are all the lonely introverts who just want a nice cup of coffee and some chat?always seem to live so far away from other lonely people!
I too am finding it impossible to find anyone remotely friendly and lonely like me. In my case, I always seem to live so far away from any other lonely people!
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#16
I haven't been really good friends with anyone since I left school either and I'm in my 60's. I'm thinking about how I'm going to cope with the eventual decrepitude of advancing old age. Never married, no children no close friends. Doesn't sound too cheery does it?
Burn the past.  Turn the page, start a new chapter.  Move on.

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#17
As far as going out. As myself, someone who wishes to avoid being thrown under the bus yet again in my life, it involves mostly staying from literally everybody. Because nobody is worth trusting with your peace of mind.
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#18
(06-05-2017, 01:55 PM)Jafo Wrote: I'm 42 and I got rid of all my friends after they basically turned their back on me. I have no desire to make new friends due to the fact that people are just assholes and only care for themselves.

I have done the same with all mine, but I don't think everyone is an asshole and I still live in hope of makin a good friend. x

If anyone around my age, 59, wants to chat you can find me here or on Facebook as Dawn Chamberlain with the same picture. Woul love to hear from anybody. Dawn x

(08-02-2018, 11:16 AM)constant stranger Wrote: I haven't been really good friends with anyone since I left school either and I'm in my 60's.  I'm thinking about how I'm going to cope with the eventual decrepitude of advancing old age.  Never married, no children no close friends.  Doesn't sound too cheery does it?

If you would like to cat I would love to hear from you. Read my post a little further on. x
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#19
Probably is true. I can only speak for myself, in my case its a bit of a knee jerk reaction. The moreyou get awful things done to you in life, less likely it is you'll want to trust people, take even friendship requests at face value. So you close off and dont usually feel much worse off in many a case. Of course, everyone says its a bad thing. So far, personally, don't see how bad it actually is. Sure keeps you from constantly having to deal with other ppl's problems, which seems to be way more often the main motivation into having friends.
Dunno if its really age or experience, though.
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#20
[quote pid='843113' dateline='1496116556']
Tealeaf Wrote:Am I the only one who notices this? Making friends in high school wasn't easy, but it seemed like everyone wanted them. Everyone wanted people to spend weekends with, to go out with, to talk to on the phone or see face to face over a good meal. No one had "too many friends" or "not enough time".

Now I'm almost 30 and I'm left scratching my head. I've tried the workplace, I've tried volunteer work, and I've tried online services. Work and volunteer settings have nice people but they're mostly 20+ years older than me and quite busy, both with work and with family. Online I only get contacted by single, heterosexual men wanting something else - oftentimes from other continents.


People are different, some people can become less interested in making friends with age and some don't care about it. You mentioned the places where you tried for friendships and still it didn't properly worked out and indeed i'm surprised because now i'm 34 and i never really was much in workplaces or anywhere where people meet daily which is the reason i don't have any friends as i guess but even though i'm not a socializing person either so it's not a guarantee that if i was in those places regularly then i would have made few friends or even a good relationship, maybe just possibly it could have happened. It's no surprising thing that people like me would try to get some online friendships, i tried it and i noted that many people doesn't seem to be much honest so over the years i just lost interest in the so called friendships. I hope you find what you are looking for.
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