Daily Grind

I'm not looking for any answers here, just ventilating the pressures that build inexorably day after day living with my 93 year old, always depressed mother.  I'm weary of hearing her hacking cough and noisily hawking up then spitting out mucous.  I'm weary of emptying the bins of tissues she spits in.  I'm weary of smelling the odors of urine and marginally controlled bowel movements that emanate from her bathroom, and disposing of the bags of soiled protective undergarments.  The noise of her scraping her walker across the wood floors is gradually making me insane.  I'm weary of her complaints....of her interrupting me in mid-sentence every single time we converse....of finding something wrong every time she opens her mouth....of sucking out any shred of pleasure or joy that might ever possibly occur....

She has been an albatross around my neck since I was five years old and discovered her out on a ledge of a hotel suite I don't know how many stories up above the pavement....seven?....nine?  Too bad she didn't jump.  Four times a year she went into depression, year after year.  Dad and the two older brothers just went to their respective escape modes and left me to be the care giver.  Starting at age five.

I'm waiting for her to die and looking forward to it.  The lawyer the accountant and the farmer who works our farm all have been talking to me, not her for years now.  I think about desperate measures to end this whole thing.....and resisting the temptation.  I'm hating my life and hating that I hate it. 

I have one relationship, a lady whom I enjoy, with whom I was in the friendship zone for a few years and now a kind of exciting, romanticized version of the same since....oh gosh, 2015....2 years now.  And my mother is like a dark cloud clinging to my life, dragging behind me like a tumor attached to my soul, always somehow present, a source of throbbing, mild agony, inescapable, she's always there at home, sitting in the recliner, a miasma of bodily odors and nasty attitude floating in the air around her.  I have a date tonight, a rendez-vous, nothing special, dinner and an IMAX 3-D movie at the museum theater....I'm looking forward to it.  And dreading coming home afterwards.

Oh what a life.

That sucks. Make sure to use a good cologne. Poo stench has a way of permeating the entirety of a home. My mother is also a horrible chud-thing.

I feel for you. I had elderly parents and it is probably a reason I am not married.  Plus no one understood at the time because I was in my 30s when I spent my weekends being my parents entertainment for the week and cleaning up after them. Or alternatively at the doctor / er. 

It is a horrible situation.  But 93 is old and it can't be much longer.

Is a nursing home or assisted living facility of some sort a possibility? 93 is up there, but people are living longer, she could easily have another 10 years. That may seem like an eternity.....