The bar being set so high these days

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

lilBlackCat

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
13
Reaction score
0
Location
So CA
I am now separated, with no possible venture of a reconciliation.. basically wife walked out on me and the kids and started a new life with a new man.

That said, looking at on-line dating... You see 90% of women want really tall guys and overlook the rest.. Didn't realize how short 5'6" was considered. I'm 46, and with many woman openly dating younger more fit men.. my few extra pounds aren't helping. I'm not a model looking type of guy.. at best.. I think I'm maybe average.. Not disclosing details.. but with social media these days.. if you ain't hung.. you are not wanted either..

It's like, in many ways.. There's very little hope of finding anyone soon..

Not too say, I was a dating stud in my younger years.. but I have a lot more to offer now.. career, stability.. stuff like that.. but, now.. It seems harder than before to get something started with someone from when I worked at mcdonalds and was living at my parents with nothing really going for me. :(
 
lilBlackCat said:
I think I'm maybe average.. Not disclosing details.. but with social media these days.. if you ain't hung.. you are not wanted either..

Give me a break, how could you possibly know that.  Half those profiles are fake anyway. 

I am tried of seeing on dating web sites guys who do not seem to think that they need to try. They just put up their extra belly and stained t shirt and messy hair and bad photos (which makes them look like a serial killer) and somehow I am supposed to divine that there is someone in there worth it.  (if indeed there is)  Not to mention (most older guys do) have baggage. Most women today have careers and stability so those aren't big draws.  And finally older guys die sooner. So what is the point of looking to someone the same age or older than me. Chances are assuming we stay married I will just end up his caregiver and then alone. 

Personally I would prefer a McDonalds grad that was uncomplicated, hung,  and, wouldn't constantly be telling me what to do.  And bonus, if it did work out he could be my caretaker.
 
I'm a 6' tall scrawny guy and no woman would ever give me a chance (not since I was 13 but that was almost a decade ago). I've been overlooked by a couple of women for that reason. DX
 
EmilyFoxSeaton said:
lilBlackCat said:
I think I'm maybe average.. Not disclosing details.. but with social media these days.. if you ain't hung.. you are not wanted either..

Give me a break, how could you possibly know that.  Half those profiles are fake anyway. 

I am tried of seeing on dating web sites guys who do not seem to think that they need to try. They just put up their extra belly and stained t shirt and messy hair and bad photos (which makes them look like a serial killer) and somehow I am supposed to divine that there is someone in there worth it.  (if indeed there is)  Not to mention (most older guys do) have baggage. Most women today have careers and stability so those aren't big draws.  And finally older guys die sooner. So what is the point of looking to someone the same age or older than me. Chances are assuming we stay married I will just end up his caregiver and then alone. 

Personally I would prefer a McDonalds grad that was uncomplicated, hung,  and, wouldn't constantly be telling me what to do.  And bonus, if it did work out he could be my caretaker.

I'm confused.

Did you just tell this guy (paraphrase) that he is crazy for thinking he wouldn't be wanted because of his age...and then tell him you would prefer a younger guy because he could be your caretaker and not vice versa?

I'm legitimately, truthfully confused.
 
^^I was wondering the same thing.

You aren't old. If you have extra pounds and are concerned about it, you could always start exercising. There's no reason you can't get into shape and get muscles. And how you are hung isn't everything. Neither is how tall you are. But, in general, I think you'll get ahead more if you start focusing on positives and not negatives. Change what you can and accept the rest. If someone doesn't want you for you, then they don't deserve you.
 
I'm in a long term relationship with a woman older than me. I've never once thought "Well, maybe I should second guess this because some day I could be her caretaker."

I'd be honored to find the kind of love that would allow me to do that, or her to do that for me some day.

Besides that, death-injury-baggage are not reserved only for the "old."
 
TheRealCallie said:
But, in general, I think you'll get ahead more if you start focusing on positives and not negatives.

I am and I try to keep positive.. Cause if I listened to the first person who responded.. I'd be under a rock somewhere calling it a life.. Lol!
 
Give it some time blackcat. It was probably easier because you were around more single people when you were younger. Youll just have to try harder to find other singles.

The first responder seemed to be angry about something or someone with the way that post read. From past threads/posts it is clear that she has extremely high/ unrealistic standards and suffers loneliness as a result. I wouldnt put much stock into assuming that most older women are thinking that way.
 
I think as we get older, for many, we look more for genuine emotional connection and dependable partnership in a person. Sort of like a really close friend with benefits. After all, they say friends make the best lovers. It becomes harder to find that special person because our wants/needs evolve over the years and modern society is a bit of a dystopian alter universe. Lots of people are opting for emptiness and appearances because society has "told them" to do it. Sad.
 
EmilyFoxSeaton reminds me of LonelySutton.

You shouldn't need to be a 'jacked gym bro' (that the right term?), since most guys aren't, but being in reasonable shape, yeah. There anyone you can ask to help you with regards to wardrobe and taking a decent photo?
 
Sounds like you have a sense of humor, LBC. If you keep that, I think you're going to be fine.
You need a very thick skin for online dating and if your wife just left you, you're probably in no condition to be out there in the weeds. Maybe give it some time before you try dating.
 
Don't be discouraged, Lilblackcat. Someone will see you for who you are and how much you have to offer and will be interested in you for that. Just keep your chin up, and work on what you can to be better - not just for the other person, but for yourself. Women will see that.
 
lilBlackCat said:
I am now separated, with no possible venture of a reconciliation.. basically wife walked out on me and the kids and started a new life with a new man.

That said, looking at on-line dating... You see 90% of women want really tall guys and overlook the rest.. Didn't realize how short 5'6" was considered. I'm 46, and with many woman openly dating younger more fit men.. my few extra pounds aren't helping. I'm not a model looking type of guy.. at best.. I think I'm maybe average.. Not disclosing details.. but with social media these days.. if you ain't hung.. you are not wanted either..

It's like, in many ways.. There's very little hope of finding anyone soon..

Not too say, I was a dating stud in my younger years.. but I have a lot more to offer now.. career, stability.. stuff like that.. but, now.. It seems harder than before to get something started with someone from when I worked at mcdonalds and was living at my parents with nothing really going for me. :(

A word of advice; forget about online dating, it's a frustrating environment for many guys. The odds are stacked against men in general. I don't believe height has got anything to do with it, it's just that the online business models favors women in general. If you search on youtube you'll find many guys ranting about online dating and some of them are 5.9"+. 

I struggle online myself, my odds are way better in real life, in fact my online dating success is 0%. I met many women in social context without putting a lot of effort. There are a few things that you need to work on though; start exercising, take better care of your look. Once you feel ready put yourself in social context, the more social context the better your chances. I promise you, you will eventually meet that one with whom you will click without breaking a sweat. Don't try hard, just wait for the opportunity to present itself. When a woman finds a guy attractive , SHE WILL LET HIM KNOW one way or another, and then it's up to you to decide whether you want to pursue the opportunity or not.  Be gentle with them, classy and funny, treat them right and you will be good.

I don't want to sound pretentious, I'm 5.4" and far from being hotty, I'm really average looking. I'm also shy at first, that is why I never approach a woman If I don't know for sure that she is attracted to me and this served me quite well. I succeeded because I looked fit and 'sexy' according to many I hung out with. 

You can be in control of certain factors, use them to your advantage, like working out. It's a numbers game, work on your patience too.
 
kamya said:
The first responder seemed to be angry about something or someone with the way that post read. From past threads/posts it is clear that she has extremely high/ unrealistic standards and suffers loneliness as a result. I wouldnt put much stock into assuming that most older women are thinking that way.

Yeh it is all me. Fine don't believe me. Anyway if the OP really was seriously looking for a proper match that maybe was his age, there is of course, a dating site for just people of his age type. "Ourtime.com" which is limited to people of a certain age.
 
To the OP, you do know that you don't have to fall into any standards, right? If someone doesn't like you for whatever reason, that's their business. But liking someone and wanting to be with them doesn't have to depend on anything.
 
ChuckadeeChuck said:
 Don't try hard, just wait for the opportunity to present itself. When a woman finds a guy attractive , SHE WILL LET HIM KNOW one way or another, and then it's up to you to decide whether you want to pursue the opportunity or not. 

More often than not this isn't true.  "Interested hints" usually just means a lack of obvious disinterest/disdain.
 
EmilyFoxSeaton said:
kamya said:
The first responder seemed to be angry about something or someone with the way that post read. From past threads/posts it is clear that she has extremely high/ unrealistic standards and suffers loneliness as a result. I wouldnt put much stock into assuming that most older women are thinking that way.

Yeh it is all me. Fine don't believe me. Anyway if the OP really was seriously looking for a proper match that maybe was his age, there is of course, a dating site for just people of his age type. "Ourtime.com" which is limited to people of a certain age.

Only if you're 50+. Lilblackcat said he was in his mid-40's so he's not quite there yet. ;)
 

Latest posts

Back
Top