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NeverMore

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...Okay so I go back to college tomorrow and I'm practically shaking from anxiety. I'm going to be living with a new roommate and 8 people I don't know but he does in a dorm that is arranged more like an apartment, two in each room that opens into a common kitchen and living room. I'm worried about several things:

1. I don't know the guy who I'm rooming with very well, it was out of sheer necessity that we decided to room together he seems like a nice guy but I don't know if he will always have people over in the room or if he will hate me for being in the room a lot, not give me any privacy and always ask me what I'm doing or what we will talk about or think I'm a general loser because I don't hang out with anyone...

2. I'll be living on the first story of a building which I'm assuming will be loud and offer little privacy

3. Living with the 8 strangers... I don't know if they will touch my stuff, be a-holes or drink and party all the time or what

4. I have 8 am classes and a very hard and busy work load this semester if I don't get sleep I will fail epically...

5. Not sure what I'll do without the person I played ping pong with, he goes to a different college now:(

Now heres the kicker, for the past 2 years of me going to college I have tried to make friends and failed miserably. I have joined just about every club on campus including a church organization,still haven't fit in anywhere, so what I was going to do, I was going to try to fit in with the people I live with and get into that little cliche. Problem is I have no idea how to do that, people always say be yourself, but I'm weird and I know that if I was myself they wouldn't accept me at all.. I don't know if I can take another isolated and lonely fall and winter by myself without anyone to talk to in real life..

Any ideas what I should do? Any advice?
 
Just relax, and see it as an experience. Living in a dorm/house sharing is a very good way to make friends. Most of them will probably be nervous about the experience as well.

I wish you all the best with it!
 
Steel said:
Just relax, and see it as an experience. Living in a dorm/house sharing is a very good way to make friends. Most of them will probably be nervous about the experience as well.

I wish you all the best with it!

Thanks for replying steel!

*takes a couple deep breathes*

I do need to relax I'm really nervous, I won't sleep tonight, or the next couple nights probably... I'll just try to get through it and...hell if I know....:(

I can't wait until this week is over...
 
Mate im sure you will do fine, and you may not think it now, but this may be the best thing to happen to your social life. You have just been handed 8 friends! Im sure you will get along fine and respect eachother, i mean college is nothing like highschool.

I would love to live with flatmates, you are always with people, you have a group to go out with on weekends. What would you rather, live with 8 guys your age, or live with your grandma?

My advise is get excited! Now is the best chance you will get to make friends! just be friendly and a team player and everything will be dandy.
 
Wow, personally I would LOVE to have the opportunity you have here.
8 different people! I think it's a great chance for you to make new friends, or even just getting to know new people.
I can understand you're nervous, I would be too! But hey, just keep taking those deep breaths,
be friendly and positive, and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself!
The latter has been a major factor for myself. I used to take myself so **** seriously,
and would get embarrassed, hurt or offended if someone would joke about me.
Now I laugh with them, and by letting people know that I don't take myself so seriously
they seem to just open up and like me more! It's magic I tell ya lol.

I've thought about getting a flat with a bunch of other people as well, just for the possibility of making new friends.
If I want to move to the city I'll definitely look into it, as I would save a lot of money on rent that way too.

I wish you a great time with your new room mates!
 
NeverMore said:
...Okay so I go back to college tomorrow and I'm practically shaking from anxiety. I'm going to be living with a new roommate and 8 people I don't know but he does in a dorm that is arranged more like an apartment, two in each room that opens into a common kitchen and living room. I'm worried about several things:

I hear you mate. I really do. I would be nervous about this as well. my Guss is you wont be getting much sleep to night. If your anything like me you well feeling better tomorrow when it all starts to happen. just try and relax the best you can. its going to happen anyway no matter if you stress or not. And besides the others well be feeling nerves as well. But well you tel them that when you meet? No, and I don't think they well you ether.

NeverMore said:
1. I don't know the guy who I'm rooming with very well, it was out of sheer necessity that we decided to room together he seems like a nice guy but I don't know if he will always have people over in the room or if he will hate me for being in the room a lot, not give me any privacy and always ask me what I'm doing or what we will talk about or think I'm a general loser because I don't hang out with anyone...

He well probably have the same concerns. If he is someone that has ppl over all the time then if this starts to happen to often you would be in your full right to ask him to stop. You have to live there and are entitled to peace and quiet when you like. Any normal rsenal human being well understand that. Even ppl that are party mad need to study and need quite time :)

NeverMore said:
2. I'll be living on the first story of a building which I'm assuming will be loud and offer little privacy

Well it might still have OK privacy. You well just have to wait tell you get there for that one. and there is allows curtains.

NeverMore said:
3. Living with the 8 strangers... I don't know if they will touch my stuff, be a-holes or drink and party all the time or what

True you do not know. My advice is not take anything expensive to begin with. But if they where real retards would they be at college? probably not. i mean the real retarded of the world would never go to college and just get a job, if that.

NeverMore said:
4. I have 8 am classes and a very hard and busy work load this semester if I don't get sleep I will fail epically...

they might have just as heavy work load. Am sure you well be left alone to get as much sleep as you need. they have to sleep too.

NeverMore said:
5. Not sure what I'll do without the person I played ping pong with, he goes to a different college now:(

That sucks. Hope you still talk on PC or something.


NeverMore said:
Now heres the kicker, for the past 2 years of me going to college I have tried to make friends and failed miserably. I have joined just about every club on campus including a church organization,still haven't fit in anywhere, so what I was going to do, I was going to try to fit in with the people I live with and get into that little cliche. Problem is I have no idea how to do that, people always say be yourself, but I'm weird and I know that if I was myself they wouldn't accept me at all.. I don't know if I can take another isolated and lonely fall and winter by myself without anyone to talk to in real life..

Sounds like you have tried a lot of things. Well at lest your trying. I know what you mean about the winter alone. Its the 1st of September and I am already dreading christmas. Does that sound perthetic or what. Even if I get someone to go out with for new years so I don't have to seat in the dark on my own listening to all the fireworks at midnight why I cry from being alone. Well as I say even if I do get someone to go out with I still have to be in a nightclub watching the hole world and the ppl am out with kiss girls why I stand there alone. So ye I hear you there as well mate. You are not on your own there.

NeverMore said:
Any ideas what I should do? Any advice?

If it dose not work out and you don't like sharing with this 8 guys then you can look for other accommodation. There is nothing set in stone that makes it so you have to stay there is there?

On the up side you might make some friends. Also to have ppl there that are going to party sometimes and do that where you live then that well make it so you have an automatic invest :D All this ppl well have other ppl that they are friends with. You could use this to your advantage. Also when ppl get to know you most ppl can be very thoughtful you know. So try and get along and be honest about who you are. If you feel a little weird about something then am sure they well respect you as well. most ppl are not monsters and ppl like to be helpful and like to make other ppl feel welcome. Its all character building my friend :) I think this could be a blissing in disguise for you. Its scary to you cos its bringing you out of your safety zone. But how do we conquer our fears if we don't ever do anything that's different.

There is nothing here that well kill you. You well be fine :)
 
well it's too late to change your mind, so just hope for the best. Just assume the best :)!
 
Try to feel them out and gain some perception as to what type of people you are dealing with. 8 people is A LOT IMO and I don't think that anyone can really get along with as much people at the same time. Especially during the stressful times that college can create for some us, making some people seem standoffish or just looking like they don't want to be bothered at all. Which is very understandable.

Never be needy and try to enjoy the small talks that come up. If there is nothing in common with them and yourself, just try to show that you are there if they ever want to talk about anything.

More or less I think your situation is a great opportunity to make some good friends. Good luck!
 
I don't think you're alone Nevermore. Hell, I would be freaking out right now if I was going tomorrow. But the thing is, it's the same for everyone. I bet your future roommate is nervous as well, thinking the same thing as you are. "What if my roommate wont like me?" You are all in the same boat there. I'm sure everyone there are looking to make new friends. Put yourself out there. Talk to the people you live with, especially your roommate. You don't have to talk TOO much, but don't retract from them. If you start to do that, it's hard to break that habit. Everyone will probably be a little reserved at the beginning, so don't worry about that. Judging from your posts on this forum, you're a very nice guy, so try to just be yourself and like previously said here, seise this great moment to make new friends.

Good luck ^^
 
Thanks everybody:)

I apparently misinterpreted where I was living because in actuality it is me and my roommate sharing a bathroom with two other people and the "living room and kitchen" are really quite a walk away so I'm not really sure what happened there... I haven't met the people next door yet or well I yelled hey to one of them as I was passing their door but I don't think he heard me, This place is going to be tough to live in, we have to deal with the noise from outside which is something I'm still worried about, and also we have a vent in our room and sounds travel extremely well through them, we could hear a normal toned conversation word for word of the people that lived upstairs from us and that worries me a lot because any noise keeps me awake, and it will suck if everything can be heard all the time... My roommate is okay, he likes things really quiet and has taken two naps since being here, I miss my old roommate now at least with him he was always doing something like watching tv or something..O and the tv I brought is broken, so that sucks...

I ate with my roommate when he asked me knowing that he would know other people to sit with so I sat with him and one of his friends and his friend's girlfriend, all they talked about was drinking and who was dating who, and I had no idea who any of the people they were talking about were. Now he went to karaoke I wasn't invited so I didn't go but he did say that he would call me and we were going to see iron man with some people including my old roommate! and it sounded like it was a large group so I'm guessing I won't get to talk to him much but I will be glad to see him even if he isn't glad to see me. Seems like my roommate knows everyone everywhere so I will see where this takes me and hope for the best.

I always feel really gloomy and hopeless the first day I move in but this time it feels worse, maybe I will feel better when I get through my first labs and see if I can handle them all. I'm really worried about this chem class I'm taking I looked at the first chapter of the book and didn't understand it at all I hope I'm not the only one in there that doesn't remember anything from other chem classes...

Thank you all for the advice I will listen and just try to make the best of things, I'll let you know how things go
 
Just do like prison, beat a guy half to death with a chair on the first day and the rest will learn better.
 
Unacceptance said:
Just do like prison, beat a guy half to death with a chair on the first day and the rest will learn better.

Ye, do that and he well deffernetly have to learn to share with guys. lol

That actually sounds like you got a pretty cool room mate NeverMore. And sounds like he needs moor sleep then you :)

You know for the first 20 years of my life I lived in a very quiet place and never heard anything at night. Then I moved out and it was in to a flat next to a very busy road. It for the first few weeks used to drive me crazy trying to get to sleep cos of the nose from the traffic. But you know after a bit you get used to it. Its the same with any nose. Its like your brain just blocks the honeysuckle out you don't need to hear. Good luck man. sounds like your going to be OK. And going to watch a film as well :D
 
NeverMore said:
...Okay so I go back to college tomorrow and I'm practically shaking from anxiety. I'm going to be living with a new roommate and 8 people I don't know but he does in a dorm that is arranged more like an apartment, two in each room that opens into a common kitchen and living room. I'm worried about several things:

1. I don't know the guy who I'm rooming with very well, it was out of sheer necessity that we decided to room together he seems like a nice guy but I don't know if he will always have people over in the room or if he will hate me for being in the room a lot, not give me any privacy and always ask me what I'm doing or what we will talk about or think I'm a general loser because I don't hang out with anyone...

2. I'll be living on the first story of a building which I'm assuming will be loud and offer little privacy

3. Living with the 8 strangers... I don't know if they will touch my stuff, be a-holes or drink and party all the time or what

4. I have 8 am classes and a very hard and busy work load this semester if I don't get sleep I will fail epically...

5. Not sure what I'll do without the person I played ping pong with, he goes to a different college now:(

Now heres the kicker, for the past 2 years of me going to college I have tried to make friends and failed miserably. I have joined just about every club on campus including a church organization,still haven't fit in anywhere, so what I was going to do, I was going to try to fit in with the people I live with and get into that little cliche. Problem is I have no idea how to do that, people always say be yourself, but I'm weird and I know that if I was myself they wouldn't accept me at all.. I don't know if I can take another isolated and lonely fall and winter by myself without anyone to talk to in real life..

Any ideas what I should do? Any advice?

in a way...I envy u
 
Since you misunderstood, things should be looking up. One person is fine for putting up with, as long as they stay out of your way and do their part in cleaning the dorm.

As far as the new people go, I'm sure they will be eager to get to know their neighbors. It always good to have neighbors, you know? Get to try to know them, even if you don't want to party or anything it's always nice to have someone to turn to in case of emergency.

I sure wish I was in college. Next year for me :(.
 
Bluey said:
Unacceptance said:
Just do like prison, beat a guy half to death with a chair on the first day and the rest will learn better.

Ye, do that and he well deffernetly have to learn to share with guys. lol

That actually sounds like you got a pretty cool room mate NeverMore. And sounds like he needs moor sleep then you :)

You know for the first 20 years of my life I lived in a very quiet place and never heard anything at night. Then I moved out and it was in to a flat next to a very busy road. It for the first few weeks used to drive me crazy trying to get to sleep cos of the nose from the traffic. But you know after a bit you get used to it. Its the same with any nose. Its like your brain just blocks the honeysuckle out you don't need to hear. Good luck man. sounds like your going to be OK. And going to watch a film as well :D

Well the beat a guy with a chair thing is....an option I will keep considering, you never know if you just need a good chair rampage every now and then:p

Yea your right bluey that is a good thought, eventually I'll just get used to hearing people being loud everywhere around me at least I hope, last night I went to bed at 10:30 cause I was really bored and had an 8 o' clock class the next morning, I didn't get to sleep till around 2, the bathroom doors separating the people we share a bathroom with does not do well at stopping noise and I can hear every word they say, they were talking about comic books and some other really random and obscure fantasy series books I had never heard of, my roommate was over there talking to them, I would be tempted to go over there if I hadn't already gone to sleep, if I see him do it again I will because I met one of them and he seemed alright, he said he was playing mass effect and we struck up a conversation about video games, haven't met his roommate yet though.

BlackCat said:
Since you misunderstood, things should be looking up. One person is fine for putting up with, as long as they stay out of your way and do their part in cleaning the dorm.

As far as the new people go, I'm sure they will be eager to get to know their neighbors. It always good to have neighbors, you know? Get to try to know them, even if you don't want to party or anything it's always nice to have someone to turn to in case of emergency.

I sure wish I was in college. Next year for me :(.

You will probably like college, most people who dislike high school, like college better I've noticed

I had a really busy day today I had a lot of classes today and a lab, but it was an astronomy lab and I loved it. I'm worried though because I went to my bio class and when she gave us the syllabus it had listed some prerequisites I hadn't taken, so I emailed my adviser asking if I should drop it, I haven't heard from him yet... I don't know if I could understand everything in there if I did stay without the chem class that is needed for it. The chem class that I am taking, is hyper intensive and I made a to do list and at least 7 things on it were from chem. We had to print out this quiz and complete all the questions on it out of class, I looked at the sheet and couldn't answer any of the questions and this was supposed to be a review of stuff learned in the previous chem class which I took two years ago and forgot all about... Luckily I brought my old notes from that old chem class and I have been trying to work through it all,but learning a course worth of stuff,not easy stuff, is not fun, not to mention all of the lab techniques that I can't review but will need for lab by Monday. I just don't know about the whole situation it is very stressful and if I don't take the bio class that I might have to drop I will fall even further behind with my major and will have to stay an extra couple of semesters,which I don't want to do and don't have the money for that either...

And things aren't looking good on the social front, my roommate seems like he's avoiding me and doesn't ask me to go anywhere with him anymore, I think he is embarrassed to be seen with me to be honest with you.. I did get to see my old roommate for a minute after the movie, I wish he was still my roommate he was a lot more bearable, I can't stand being in the room here it is always so quiet and awkward but only quiet until I try to sleep strangely,I just try to leave as soon as I can,I guess it gets me out more which is good, but I don't know what I will do when it gets cold out and can't go out anymore. I am going to try to join the nerdy group on campus that meets on Fridays, I have tried every semester for the past 4 semesters but I go to the meetings and they never talk to me, they are all in a viciously tight cliche and act like they already have enough friends and no more are allowed in said cliche,I've even tried to strike up conversations with some of them around campus but they act like they just really don't want to be around me so I don't know how it will go for the fifth time... and I can't find the bird watching club but will still look more for that too....

So that's about where I'm at, I look forward to taking the bus to the nearest Barnes & Noble this weekend and just finding a good book to get lost in and forget about reality for extended period of time,then when that book is done I will get another book and repeat the pattern till this semester ends I guess..
 
NeverMore said:
So that's about where I'm at, I look forward to taking the bus to the nearest Barnes & Noble this weekend and just finding a good book to get lost in and forget about reality for extended period of time,then when that book is done I will get another book and repeat the pattern till this semester ends I guess..

Books are great. I could make some recommendations if you would like :p.

Hopefully your room mate will come around dude. He is just shy maybe? I know you are a good person.
 
NeverMore said:
So that's about where I'm at, I look forward to taking the bus to the nearest Barnes & Noble this weekend and just finding a good book to get lost in and forget about reality for extended period of time,then when that book is done I will get another book and repeat the pattern till this semester ends I guess..

How are things going? Did you find your book? :)
 
Naleena said:
How are things going? Did you find your book? :)

I did find a copy of 1984 and am around 100 pages in, very good book so far

Things are...alright I guess,classes are okay and all and I had my first labs and they all went surprisingly well, in my chem lab I felt like I was in my element(chemistry pun not intended) and it felt good to remember how that felt, and all the knowledge of chem is slowly coming back. But I do spend a lot of time bored and extra lonely, since the chat doesn't work here,I feel even more isolated, normally my social interactions on an average day are a couple sentences to my roommate and me trying to find some people online to talk to. Never could find the bird watching club I don't think it exists anymore, so I decided I would try for the 4th time to join the nerdy D&D/comic books/anime/video games group on campus but it is so hard to put up with them because they are soooo loud and are in one massive cliche that could probably be seen from space that is very hard to crack, all 4 times I gave up after a few weeks but this semester I am going to keep trying and slowly claw my way in, no matter how annoying they are and how much I don't know about D&D and comic books and sci fi and all that honeysuckle. I sat with them after the last meeting and man that was awkward they didn't even acknowledge that I was there until I was almost done eating and I asked about a tea machine or something, and that was about all I said before leaving, probably just confused them lol, so after that I was thinking of giving up but the next day I was walking around campus and I passed one of them and she said hello,I was looking at the ground so didn't notice her until after she had passed, so I didn't say it back because of a mix of "was she talking to me?" because there were some other people around and I'm not sure she was talking to me and shock. I wish I had said hello back, but you can't recreate those kind of situations.. So if she was talking to me, then that is great, no one from that group had said hello to me before, tomorrow there is some kind of event with them and I will go to that and see how it goes.

Also, I'm going to join the campus government association and try to become a senator, I just hope senators don't have to give speeches or anything, I don't think they do I think they just sit at meetings and vote on things, and I can do that and it might be a good place to meet people, I have never tried this idea before so it is just experimental I don't know if anything will come of it..

I did meet this girl in my chem lab the first week, we were both waiting outside the lab wondering if it was going to happen(because most first week science classes don't have labs but you never know) and we struck up a conversation that went really well I thought, and she was really nice. But she didn't talk to me during the lab next week at all I think because she saw me eating alone outside in the dark one night, and that probably made her think that I was a creep or something.. So that made me a little sad but my lab partner was another girl and while she was way too pretty to ever talk to me outside lab and I expected her to not really like lab very much, but she was quite smart and we made a good team.

So we shall see how things go, I'm trying to not be overly optimistic because I know I will hit rock bottom when the days start getting shorter but I am coming up with ways that I can not be so depressed, like one was that I realized that I got most depressed late at night, so I decided I would read around then, and since I would be reading something I want to read, I look forward to it, and it boosts my mood at a time when otherwise I would be all mopey and sad. And when I do talk to people I'm trying to not focus on myself and instead help them with stuff and not talk about me to take my mind off things, just taking it one day at a time
 
Hi there nevermore. Glad to hear its going OK. Next time you see that girl you missed saying hallo back to you should make that apart of the confessions. Just say something like, HAY, sorry I did not say hallo back the other day, Don't know where my head was. I wasn't being rude. Am sure she well understand. I have done the same thing be for and am sure she has.

Being a senator sounds interesting. what dose a senator actually do? lol Your talking to a none college boy here. In fact I very really want to school when I should of ether lol Doesn't show much dose it! :shy: Well so what if you gotta give a speech or two. just do the old imagine everyone in there under-where thing. I had to give a best man speech abut owww (thinking) 9 - 10 years ago for a guy I wasn't that good friends with but he's one of this guys that just likes the GF/wife and not bothered about friends really. But anyway I gave this speech and I did not enjoy it at all. I found it very difficult to think of what to say. I did wright one out but it was difficult. Any way on the day I was sweating like crazy and there was all this ppl there all looking at me. Now I can act the clown when am not expected to. But the only reason he asked me was cos I had been funny as in HA HA in the past. But when ppl are looking your way its very very different. I got it all wrong and read everything out in the wrung order to what I wonted to. Plus all the words went kinder blurry lol But I did get a few laughs and every one in the place near nuff come up to me after to say how good it was. It all turned out well and even though I would had rather been a normal guest the experience did not kill me and is a rememberble one.

funny thing is I always think of you as someone that would be very confident in doing something like that. Its funny how someone can come across over the net and how they actually are IRL. I think if given some confidants you would be good at doing things like giving speeches. But the old problem is if you never do it how well you gain the confedents? Now your a very logical thinking person. So what would you advise someone else? :) know what I mean.

The fact that your not able to use the chat on the PC you have there is annoying. You need to download flash player to use that chat.
 

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