TheAnxiousPain
Active member
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2016
- Messages
- 37
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[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]Recently I reached out to a family member, and expressed a lot of anger towards them. It was a defensive message, but it was not disrespectful, but it was about the things I've heard him say about me and I just found the courage to let it all out to them. I felt like my family never wanted to see me happy, and I just wanted to express it. & they took it as if I was trying make them responsible for all I went thru. But I wasn't I just wanted to let it out over the years. I felt horrible afterwards, I felt so misunderstood, and I felt stupid. My panic attack came on, I had my mom call those family members and they reassured her that they wasn't mad, they understood, and that it was okay. But now I am having intrusive thoughts thinking that they now think I'm crazy and bipolar. They told my mom, that the doors is always open for me and that they understand. But I still worry about what they might be saying. I still feel crazy. I am having a really bad episode. I have always dealt with anxiety issues, I mean this isn't the first.... I obsess over things a lot. Even within this situation, I started to think what if I start to attack innocent people of the past. What if I'm going mad,? What if people think I'm nuts? This is eating me up. I hope this passes like the other incidents, I haven't felt like this in about 3 years, I have had my lil anxiety attacks but they never was this strong. I feel like I will never get over my feelings. I have breakdowns all day, I replace one worry with another worry that's not true. I feel I'm not in control. I wake up with extreme fear and anxiety, and think about how people might lie on me and as if I just did the wrong thing. Will this ever go way, I start a new class in NYC in about 3 weeks. I was excited prior to sending that message, now life is dark[/font]