I'm Done Being "Nice"!

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Osiris

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This is going to be one hell of a rant so I apologize in advance, in fact no I don't. I've had enough of me always being at the back of everyone's minds, last to know everything.  I feel like I care about everyone and barely anyone cares about me. I constantly give 100%, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Yet when the tables turn NO-ONE'S there for me! I think girls look at me as "nice, but not boyfriend material" and I'm done. Well done girls you've created a monster. I don't give a fresia no more. From now on, everything's about me! From now I'm selfish and i'm ******* proud of it!


 Today at work I got heat exhaustion, I started seeing black dots, heating up but not sweating, feeling sick, you name it! And do you know what? Not one person gave a flying fresia, I actually thought I was going to pass out and someone would have to find me in the toilets or something.  My sister sat there eating ******* chips watching me trying not to faint. She doesn't work there so why the fresia does she think she shouldn't ask if i'm okay. If the tables were turned I would have been there for her. This is when I thought it might be a good idea to mention it to my dad (my boss as well) as we've only just opened our restaurant a few days ago, I understand people being too preoccupied to notice me feeling ill. What I don't understand is instead of getting me a cold water or helping me, I got a honeysuckle ton of useless crap spew from him. "It's those energy drinks, you're not eating enough. It's not that hot!"  at this point I was crouched trying my best not too pass out and all i could was see black dots. So I had enough of the "advice" at this point and told him very bluntly "No, it's because there's a ******* heat wave, I haven't slept all night and I haven't been drinking enough water, okay?" This is probably the first time I've spoke to my dad like this as an adult and I was actually surprised by what happened, he could finally see I was serious and asked "do you want to go back home?".....……...

*Deep breath* The thing I've noticed is, it isn't even being assertive. I've noticed you have to bully your way through life, because otherwise everyone thinks they can use you.

The other thing I'm done doing is being there for people who wouldn't be there for me! Like fresia am I replying to your messages now, when I struggle it's just me!

I've always cared too much! Someone sends me a sob story and I'm there for them, I tell them something and it's like "Yeah, that sucks" if I'm lucky!

So! Here's my official resignation from being a "Nice guy" I don't give a fresia no more, my compassion levels will now be based on how others are when I need help because I can't do this anymore. When I was younger I had terrible depression, thought about killing myself everyday. Now I realise I've never been the problem, everyone else has!

If you've read this far, thank you so much. You've given more more time of your day than anyone I know personally would!

fresia being nice! I'm being a selfish prick from now on!
 
It's your choice whether or not you're there for someone. And while it's nice to know that someone will be there, allowing people to treat you as an option is something you do have control over. People only treat us how we let them. If you're not up to being nice, don't be. If you think ignoring someone or brushing something off will eat at you, then go with your instinct on how to be. I tend to care about things because I know if I don't, it'll bother me. But I won't push myself under the bus, especially for those that I notice never care to return the favor. I don't talk to many people for a reason, and it's because I rarely see the care and effort returned. But I can't change people. I can only control what I do.
 
It's called life, bro. Sometimes, you cry for help, ain't no one listens. Happens.

Got news for you; 20 years from now, it's not going to be different.
See, I did the opposite. Started off an *******. Not even a self-centered *******, was a bit worse than that...
Took what I wanted. Didn't net me many friends, save the ones you didn't really want your family to know. Ironically, most of those don't really share your values and I don't talk to them anymore. Besides the possibility of getting shot, that is.
There's probably a little bit of sex emasculation there; men are expected to be strong, tough and just "take it". Story of my life.
You can be self-centered all you want, I encourage you to try it. Through your own experiences, you'll probably come to the same conclusions I did, someday.

You can either be a positive force for others for it's own merits, or be a negative force for others because you enjoy it. In the end, it won't change much, besides the kinds of crowds you attract. But people will still act how they want. You just might not be enamored with kind of people ends up surrounding you.

Sorry you feel that way, dude, I really am. But there really isn't much you can do. All I can tell you is it's not about being a nice guy or not. It's about being yourself and attracting others that are like you.

And for those really rough days...I found that a punching bag with pictures really hits the spot ;-)
 
Richard_39 said:
It's called life, bro. Sometimes, you cry for help, ain't no one listens. Happens.

Got news for you; 20 years from now, it's not going to be different.
See, I did the opposite. Started off an *******. Not even a self-centered *******, was a bit worse than that...
Took what I wanted. Didn't net me many friends, save the ones you didn't really want your family to know. Ironically, most of those don't really share your values and I don't talk to them anymore. Besides the possibility of getting shot, that is.
There's probably a little bit of sex emasculation there; men are expected to be strong, tough and just "take it". Story of my life.
You can be self-centered all you want, I encourage you to try it. Through your own experiences, you'll probably come to the same conclusions I did, someday.

You can either be a positive force for others for it's own merits, or be a negative force for others because you enjoy it. In the end, it won't change much, besides the kinds of crowds you attract. But people will still act how they want. You just might not be enamored with kind of people ends up surrounding you.

Sorry you feel that way, dude, I really am. But there really isn't much you can do. All I can tell you is it's not about being a nice guy or not. It's about being yourself and attracting others that are like you.

And for those really rough days...I found that a punching bag with pictures really hits the spot ;-)

Do they make stabbing bags? lol. The thing is, being nice hasn't got me anywhere. I've never had a girlfriend, I've never really even had a good friend. I came from a rough area and I learnt to adapt to every situation. Having a gun put in your face at 12 does that too a person! My "best" friend just wants to sell me weed. I just feel like being nice has made people view me as a pushover. Do you know the happiest time of my life? When through being a joker I was able to get in with the "Bullies" at school. They became my best friends and I became one of them. You know the hardest part of that? When I was getting bullied they told me they sat them down and threatened them with expulsion. Me? Nah, the "teachers" were scared of us! We were only 10!  Oh and the best part of that story, after getting in with them we went and kicked the honeysuckle out of some fucks that had bullied me for over a year. The fear in their eyes was a joy to behold for me. I wish I could stay this "nice chap" but I'm don't see a point. Whether I'm nice or not I seem to only attract "those" type of people. In fact I think I'm naturally an ******* and I've just been surpressing it. That whole "Just take it" thing is so true, how dare a man have emotions or feelings! We should just work till we die...

Thanks for the comment, it means a lot.
 
So you're only nice to people because you want something in return? No one is obligated to treat you the way you treat them. You treat people how YOU choose to treat people, not because you want something back from them.

Also, your dad is right, those energy drinks will screw with you and so can your diet. How can you be so sure what you had was heat exhaustion? It could be any number of things, based on the symptoms you said.

Just because you are nice doesn't mean you have to let people use you. Again, that's your choice. Getting friends and/or a girlfriend involves more than just being nice.
 
Being nice, or not nice, isn't the point.
You aren't the only one who had it rough, kid.
Lashing out at everyone might make you feel better, but trust me, 20 years from now, when you look into a mirror, you might not like who's looking back. Might hate him a lot more than the "nice guy" you were being.

And if you're only attracting that "type" of people, maybe you're looking in the wrong places. I find that being nice usually encouraged same behavior back. Cutting on a dude just makes him want to cut right back and maybe it's just me, but I kind of outgrew that part when I had the kids. Also not exactly the best of examples.

"The fear in their eyes was a joy to behold for me". That isn't what you're going to think someday. But if you choose that path, like I said, you might not be happy with what's looking back at you. Dwell on it before tossing civility out the window. Also...doing what's right is never the easiest thing to do. It's always the hardest.
 
TheRealCallie said:
So you're only nice to people because you want something in return?  No one is obligated to treat you the way you treat them.  You treat people how YOU choose to treat people, not because you want something back from them.  

Also, your dad is right, those energy drinks will screw with you and so can your diet.  How can you be so sure what you had was heat exhaustion?  It could be any number of things, based on the symptoms you said.  

Just because you are nice doesn't mean you have to let people use you.  Again, that's your choice.  Getting friends and/or a girlfriend involves more than just being nice.

I know it was heat exhaustion because of the symptoms, it's common here in Spain with workers. And no I'm not only nice to people for something in return, I've just had enough of having NOTHING in return. There's people I've literally stopped having panic attacks in public, sat with after suicide attempts. And if I have a bad day I don't even get a "need to talk?".

And friends/girlfriends is impossible for me right now I'm living in a country where I can't even speak the language! And don't I know getting friends/girlfriends take more than being nice. I'd be swatting them away right now! Again women, no offense...

Nocar, no money, living with my dad. The only time women's ears prick up is when they hear about the family restaurant. (Money again). So you can't really blame me for having such a low opinion of people right now..
 
Heat exhaustion might be common, but more things than that cause those symptoms. Blood pressure can cause those symptoms, for example. Just because you are around people who are shallow doesn't mean they all are. Find new people to hang around.
 
Richard_39 said:
Being nice, or not nice, isn't the point.
You aren't the only one who had it rough, kid.
Lashing out at everyone might make you feel better, but trust me, 20 years from now, when you look into a mirror, you might not like who's looking back. Might hate him a lot more than the "nice guy" you were being.

And if you're only attracting that "type" of people, maybe you're looking in the wrong places. I find that being nice usually encouraged same behavior back. Cutting on a dude just makes him want to cut right back and maybe it's just me, but I kind of outgrew that part when I had the kids. Also not exactly the best of examples.

"The fear in their eyes was a joy to behold for me". That isn't what you're going to think someday. But if you choose that path, like I said, you might not be happy with what's looking back at you. Dwell on it before tossing civility out the window. Also...doing what's right is never the easiest thing to do. It's always the hardest.

I don't think I can hate myself anymore than I do, so I think I'll take that risk. I'm not saying I'm going to be an outright *******. But I'm just done trying to be nice, I'm so so tired of fake smiles. My face actually aches at the end of the day. I agree doing what's right is never the easiest, that's why I'm so tired. I feel like I've done my best for 20 years and need to relax...
 
Osiris said:
This is going to be one hell of a rant so I apologize in advance, in fact no I don't. I've had enough of me always being at the back of everyone's minds, last to know everything.  I feel like I care about everyone and barely anyone cares about me. I constantly give 100%, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Yet when the tables turn NO-ONE'S there for me! I think girls look at me as "nice, but not boyfriend material" and I'm done. Well done girls you've created a monster. I don't give a fresia no more. From now on, everything's about me! From now I'm selfish and i'm ******* proud of it!

...

*Deep breath* The thing I've noticed is, it isn't even being assertive. I've noticed you have to bully your way through life, because otherwise everyone thinks they can use you.

The other thing I'm done doing is being there for people who wouldn't be there for me! Like fresia am I replying to your messages now, when I struggle it's just me! 

I've always cared too much! Someone sends me a sob story and I'm there for them, I tell them something and it's like "Yeah, that sucks" if I'm lucky! 

So! Here's my official resignation from being a "Nice guy" I don't give a fresia no more, my compassion levels will now be based on how others are when I need help because I can't do this anymore. When I was younger I had terrible depression, thought about killing myself everyday. Now I realise I've never been the problem, everyone else has!

I'm a little different, but have some similarities too.  I try to cheer people up from time to time too, both because I feel like it's the right thing to do, and because I'd want the same when I'm down.  I've gotten the "nice but not boyfriend material" thing too, and I hate that bullshit with a vengeance.  I know I'm not the "coolest" guy in the world and I know I have areas I need to improve on, where I should really be doing better, but I don't think I just completely suck either, that sucking is a fundamental part of who I am.  I really do believe I'm at least better than that.  I'm not a "nice guy", I'm at least trying to learn how to be interesting and get somewhere, **** it.    

I think being nice is actually good, but it just can't be your main, leading attribute.  It can't be the central thing that defines who you are, that you build the rest of yourself around.  I unknowingly fell into that myself because of other problems, so it was a kind of a compound issue - this problem was caused by other problems I had already.  It seems that you need more than being nice and friendly though, to really excite someone.  Some kind of success or passion usually seems to work.  Like, for example, being an artist AND nice.  Just as long as being nice isn't your main or only trait.  

Unfortunately, a lot of people believe it's a cold world, that it has to be, and even that it should be.  Because of this, a lot of people are mistrustful of those who are nice, and think being nice is "uncool" too.  I think that for those of us that were raised to be nice, or have the tendency to be nice, we want to be nice and friendly and sweet right away but we need to remember to take it slow and keep our guard up.  To still have niceness and compassion but to not get carried away with it until we get to know someone better.  Some people are more receptive to being nice, while other people need to learn that they can't mess with you first.  I don't mean attack them until they submit, but to go slow on the niceness with them until they stop trying to think of themselves as "too cool" for you.  

Osiris said:
Today at work I got heat exhaustion, I started seeing black dots, heating up but not sweating, feeling sick, you name it! And do you know what? Not one person gave a flying fresia, I actually thought I was going to pass out and someone would have to find me in the toilets or something.  My sister sat there eating ******* chips watching me trying not to faint. She doesn't work there so why the fresia does she think she shouldn't ask if i'm okay. If the tables were turned I would have been there for her. This is when I thought it might be a good idea to mention it to my dad (my boss as well) as we've only just opened our restaurant a few days ago, I understand people being too preoccupied to notice me feeling ill. What I don't understand is instead of getting me a cold water or helping me, I got a honeysuckle ton of useless crap spew from him. "It's those energy drinks, you're not eating enough. It's not that hot!"  at this point I was crouched trying my best not too pass out and all i could was see black dots. So I had enough of the "advice" at this point and told him very bluntly "No, it's because there's a ******* heat wave, I haven't slept all night and I haven't been drinking enough water, okay?" This is probably the first time I've spoke to my dad like this as an adult and I was actually surprised by what happened, he could finally see I was serious and asked "do you want to go back home?".....……...

And I hear you about the heat wave too.  The last thing you need when you are already feeling miserable, is someone yelling at you and lecturing you.  However, it is important to make sure you're drinking enough water and eating enough, and the energy drinks could be making you crash too.  I don't drink energy drinks myself (unless you count coffee) but I do feel lightheaded, irritable, tired, and slow when I don't eat enough or drink enough water.  It's easy to forget about drinking enough water to stay hydrated, for anyone.


Osiris said:
The thing is, being nice hasn't got me anywhere. I've never had a girlfriend, I've never really even had a good friend.
I just feel like being nice has made people view me as a pushover. 

...

I wish I could stay this "nice chap" but I'm don't see a point.

That whole "Just take it" thing is so true, how dare a man have emotions or feelings! We should just work till we die... 

Being nice hasn't gotten me too far either.  I have friends but never a girlfriend.  Unfortunately it's that "cold world" view that a lot of people have, that causes them to think of nice people as pushovers or as "uncool".  If you're too nice too soon, some people will think that they are "cooler" than you, or that you are boring.  It's stupid, but a lot of people are this way.

Sometimes I've also felt like being nice is pointless, but I continue because that's how I was raised and now that I'm old enough to choose my beliefs for myself, I still agree with it.  I disagree with the idea that seems to be going around that men should "just take it" and not have emotions or feelings, so I keep doing what I do, even though it might not be "cool", because I think it doesn't have to be a cold world, I think we have a choice.  I think if more people were nice the world would be a better place.  

Osiris said:
Do you know the happiest time of my life?.......Oh and the best part of that story, after getting in with them we went and kicked the honeysuckle out of some fucks that had bullied me for over a year. The fear in their eyes was a joy to behold for me. 

I have to admit, there are a few people that I'd enjoy kicking the ever-loving honeysuckle out of, seeing them bleeding at my feet, seeing their cockiness melt into fear and pain.  It would bring me some satisfaction too, so I definitely understand that although it's not really a good idea and I try to let those thoughts and feelings pass.

Osiris said:
Nocar, no money, living with my dad. The only time women's ears prick up is when they hear about the family restaurant. (Money again). So you can't really blame me for having such a low opinion of people right now..

That's another thing - a lot of people are shallow.  Not all, but a lot, especially in the teens and 20s.  They value money, power, status, physical and social power, and their whole lives revolve around jockeying for position.  I would like more fancy things in life, myself.  And I'd like more power too, both for my own confidence and so that I could successfully fend off the "cool guy" assclowns trying to muscle me out of dating attractive girls.  I want the experiences, but I feel like with them, they want it so they can rub it in others' face how much better than them they are.  It's crappy but I guess all we can do is try to ignore the shallow people and try not to let it get us down.  A big thing I learned over the years is that while I can't stop people from thinking and saying whatever they want, I don't have to let the "cool crowd" make me feel bad about myself.  

Anyway.  Just saying I hear you.
 
TheSkaFish said:
Osiris said:
This is going to be one hell of a rant so I apologize in advance, in fact no I don't. I've had enough of me always being at the back of everyone's minds, last to know everything.  I feel like I care about everyone and barely anyone cares about me. I constantly give 100%, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Yet when the tables turn NO-ONE'S there for me! I think girls look at me as "nice, but not boyfriend material" and I'm done. Well done girls you've created a monster. I don't give a fresia no more. From now on, everything's about me! From now I'm selfish and i'm ******* proud of it!

...

*Deep breath* The thing I've noticed is, it isn't even being assertive. I've noticed you have to bully your way through life, because otherwise everyone thinks they can use you.

The other thing I'm done doing is being there for people who wouldn't be there for me! Like fresia am I replying to your messages now, when I struggle it's just me! 

I've always cared too much! Someone sends me a sob story and I'm there for them, I tell them something and it's like "Yeah, that sucks" if I'm lucky! 

So! Here's my official resignation from being a "Nice guy" I don't give a fresia no more, my compassion levels will now be based on how others are when I need help because I can't do this anymore. When I was younger I had terrible depression, thought about killing myself everyday. Now I realise I've never been the problem, everyone else has!

I'm a little different, but have some similarities too.  I try to cheer people up from time to time too, both because I feel like it's the right thing to do, and because I'd want the same when I'm down.  I've gotten the "nice but not boyfriend material" thing too, and I hate that bullshit with a vengeance.  I know I'm not the "coolest" guy in the world and I know I have areas I need to improve on, where I should really be doing better, but I don't think I just completely suck either, that sucking is a fundamental part of who I am.  I really do believe I'm at least better than that.  I'm not a "nice guy", I'm at least trying to learn how to be interesting and get somewhere, **** it.    

I think being nice is actually good, but it just can't be your main, leading attribute.  It can't be the central thing that defines who you are, that you build the rest of yourself around.  I unknowingly fell into that myself because of other problems, so it was a kind of a compound issue - this problem was caused by other problems I had already.  It seems that you need more than being nice and friendly though, to really excite someone.  Some kind of success or passion usually seems to work.  Like, for example, being an artist AND nice.  Just as long as being nice isn't your main or only trait.  

Unfortunately, a lot of people believe it's a cold world, that it has to be, and even that it should be.  Because of this, a lot of people are mistrustful of those who are nice, and think being nice is "uncool" too.  I think that for those of us that were raised to be nice, or have the tendency to be nice, we want to be nice and friendly and sweet right away but we need to remember to take it slow and keep our guard up.  To still have niceness and compassion but to not get carried away with it until we get to know someone better.  Some people are more receptive to being nice, while other people need to learn that they can't mess with you first.  I don't mean attack them until they submit, but to go slow on the niceness with them until they stop trying to think of themselves as "too cool" for you.  

Osiris said:
Today at work I got heat exhaustion, I started seeing black dots, heating up but not sweating, feeling sick, you name it! And do you know what? Not one person gave a flying fresia, I actually thought I was going to pass out and someone would have to find me in the toilets or something.  My sister sat there eating ******* chips watching me trying not to faint. She doesn't work there so why the fresia does she think she shouldn't ask if i'm okay. If the tables were turned I would have been there for her. This is when I thought it might be a good idea to mention it to my dad (my boss as well) as we've only just opened our restaurant a few days ago, I understand people being too preoccupied to notice me feeling ill. What I don't understand is instead of getting me a cold water or helping me, I got a honeysuckle ton of useless crap spew from him. "It's those energy drinks, you're not eating enough. It's not that hot!"  at this point I was crouched trying my best not too pass out and all i could was see black dots. So I had enough of the "advice" at this point and told him very bluntly "No, it's because there's a ******* heat wave, I haven't slept all night and I haven't been drinking enough water, okay?" This is probably the first time I've spoke to my dad like this as an adult and I was actually surprised by what happened, he could finally see I was serious and asked "do you want to go back home?".....……...

And I hear you about the heat wave too.  The last thing you need when you are already feeling miserable, is someone yelling at you and lecturing you.  However, it is important to make sure you're drinking enough water and eating enough, and the energy drinks could be making you crash too.  I don't drink energy drinks myself (unless you count coffee) but I do feel lightheaded, irritable, tired, and slow when I don't eat enough or drink enough water.  It's easy to forget about drinking enough water to stay hydrated, for anyone.


Osiris said:
The thing is, being nice hasn't got me anywhere. I've never had a girlfriend, I've never really even had a good friend.
I just feel like being nice has made people view me as a pushover. 

...

I wish I could stay this "nice chap" but I'm don't see a point.

That whole "Just take it" thing is so true, how dare a man have emotions or feelings! We should just work till we die... 

Being nice hasn't gotten me too far either.  I have friends but never a girlfriend.  Unfortunately it's that "cold world" view that a lot of people have, that causes them to think of nice people as pushovers or as "uncool".  If you're too nice too soon, some people will think that they are "cooler" than you, or that you are boring.  It's stupid, but a lot of people are this way.

Sometimes I've also felt like being nice is pointless, but I continue because that's how I was raised and now that I'm old enough to choose my beliefs for myself, I still agree with it.  I disagree with the idea that seems to be going around that men should "just take it" and not have emotions or feelings, so I keep doing what I do, even though it might not be "cool", because I think it doesn't have to be a cold world, I think we have a choice.  I think if more people were nice the world would be a better place.  

Osiris said:
Do you know the happiest time of my life?.......Oh and the best part of that story, after getting in with them we went and kicked the honeysuckle out of some fucks that had bullied me for over a year. The fear in their eyes was a joy to behold for me. 

I have to admit, there are a few people that I'd enjoy kicking the ever-loving honeysuckle out of, seeing them bleeding at my feet, seeing their cockiness melt into fear and pain.  It would bring me some satisfaction too, so I definitely understand that although it's not really a good idea and I try to let those thoughts and feelings pass.

Osiris said:
Nocar, no money, living with my dad. The only time women's ears prick up is when they hear about the family restaurant. (Money again). So you can't really blame me for having such a low opinion of people right now..

That's another thing - a lot of people are shallow.  Not all, but a lot, especially in the teens and 20s.  They value money, power, status, physical and social power, and their whole lives revolve around jockeying for position.  I would like more fancy things in life, myself.  And I'd like more power too, both for my own confidence and so that I could successfully fend off the "cool guy" assclowns trying to muscle me out of dating attractive girls.  I want the experiences, but I feel like with them, they want it so they can rub it in others' face how much better than them they are.  It's crappy but I guess all we can do is try to ignore the shallow people and try not to let it get us down.  A big thing I learned over the years is that while I can't stop people from thinking and saying whatever they want, I don't have to let the "cool crowd" make me feel bad about myself.  

Anyway.  Just saying I hear you.

You have no idea how much it means to me to know someone's actually listening right now. Alot of what you said really helped. Thank you! I wasn't eating or drinking enough yesterday and we started work at 7. I hadn't had any sleep the night before. (I hadn't eaten dinner the night before either and now I was skipping breakfast) and toxbe honest I'm surprised I didn't collapse!

I get what you're saying about the way you were raised, but my parents had split up when I was really young and their parenting Ideas have always been polar opposites. My mum gave me nothing but hugs and she's basically the perfect mum. My dad... he's always taught me we're better than others. "We work harder, we're spanish we are the best at all sports etc..." he can really go on. The funny thing is he's one of the least racist people you'd ever meet! He just genuinely believes we  (His family) are the best in the world at everything...and it can really get grating.

You're last paragraph really makes sense! At school, the reason I don't think I ever bothered trying with girlfriends  was because it was just like a trophy. But at the same time it's a double edged sword..There was girls at my school I spoke too but didn't "fancy" so I think both genders are guilty of being shallow.

Back to the not being nice, I actually find it easier to be hated than loved. I feel at home replieing to hate comments, but when someone's nice I don't know how to react. I guess that's something I'll learn with age.

Thank you, I might write more tomorrow on here but I have to get up in a few hours for work...Thanks again!
 
Osiris said:
This is going to be one hell of a rant so I apologize in advance, in fact no I don't. I've had enough of me always being at the back of everyone's minds, last to know everything.  I feel like I care about everyone and barely anyone cares about me. I constantly give 100%, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Yet when the tables turn NO-ONE'S there for me! I think girls look at me as "nice, but not boyfriend material" and I'm done. Well done girls you've created a monster. I don't give a fresia no more. From now on, everything's about me! From now I'm selfish and i'm ******* proud of it!

Regarding this paragraph Osiris. I know what you mean I think in some ways. Here's a little story. 

I was the same as this in some ways. Basically I always gave, I used to be completely selfless, in fact it got to the point that I was so selfless that it affected my own personal well being in some ways. I would always try and cheer people up, I always helped out if someone needed some cash for a drink or what have you, just generally always helped if required. However, I didn't really care about myself all that much, I would give always over helping myself. Girls never gave me the time of day in the attraction sense, sure I had friends that were girls, but a relationship? I don't think so. Funny how it seems so many extroverted ****** bag guys get girls, but the shy guy in the corner is usually alone... 

Thing is though anyway, I also had major anxiety issues and depression, I would basically be a mute in groups, and one day everything got so bad that I had a mini breakdown and forced myself to communicate when I was at a party, I expect people thought I was weird because it was not the norm for me, this was after years and years of being like I formerly said, having anxiety but not depression and major stress.

After this and another aspect relating to work which meant less interaction with people, I basically went into hermit mode and cut all contact, didn't message anybody for ages. Due to my stress levels were so **** high, I felt I had to get away from everything for a while. The thing is... not even ONE of my friends contacted me, and we are not talking like 3 friends i'm talking 15 or so, and not just talking like a week or two, we are talking months to years. So for me... it went from being really sociable with loads of friends to essentially having none at all, only acquaintances and facebook buddies, some of these friend I even known for a decade. 

So that actually made me change... I realized that being so selfless can screw you over in this life. I think a lot of people don't actually have any respect for it as such. Sure people might think a good deed you do is very good of you and that you are a good person, but I don't think it truly makes most people "like" you more, or really respect you more in the long term. In fact I think that having some selfishness can be good, making people think you are not going to let people walk over you and you have respect for yourself which can probably also be attractive to the opposite sex, it shows confidence. 

So now, I think in this world, it is actually healthy to have a bit of selfishness. Not in the sense that someone else if going to suffer for your selfishness, or that you are going to seem like an *******. But more along the lines of, you are going to try and improve your own quality of life, if someone doesn't like that selfishness, then that's their own problem. When it comes to girls now I don't care, if I like someone, they are getting an invitation for a drink. I'm now actually selfish to the point where I don't care socially what someone might think of me by asking a specific person out or what have you. Ignore social norms, don't be what others expect you to be too. Go out there and take what you want in this world. You will get far further in life if there is a good amount of taking, rather than only giving... Just don't be a dick about it.
 
ShybutHi said:
Osiris said:
This is going to be one hell of a rant so I apologize in advance, in fact no I don't. I've had enough of me always being at the back of everyone's minds, last to know everything.  I feel like I care about everyone and barely anyone cares about me. I constantly give 100%, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Yet when the tables turn NO-ONE'S there for me! I think girls look at me as "nice, but not boyfriend material" and I'm done. Well done girls you've created a monster. I don't give a fresia no more. From now on, everything's about me! From now I'm selfish and i'm ******* proud of it!

Regarding this paragraph Osiris. I know what you mean I think in some ways. Here's a little story. 

I was the same as this in some ways. Basically I always gave, I used to be completely selfless, in fact it got to the point that I was so selfless that it affected my own personal well being in some ways. I would always try and cheer people up, I always helped out if someone needed some cash for a drink or what have you, just generally always helped if required. However, I didn't really care about myself all that much, I would give always over helping myself. Girls never gave me the time of day in the attraction sense, sure I had friends that were girls, but a relationship? I don't think so. Funny how it seems so many extroverted ****** bag guys get girls, but the shy guy in the corner is usually alone... 

Thing is though anyway, I also had major anxiety issues and depression, I would basically be a mute in groups, and one day everything got so bad that I had a mini breakdown and forced myself to communicate when I was at a party, I expect people thought I was weird because it was not the norm for me, this was after years and years of being like I formerly said, having anxiety but not depression and major stress.

After this and another aspect relating to work which meant less interaction with people, I basically went into hermit mode and cut all contact, didn't message anybody for ages. Due to my stress levels were so **** high, I felt I had to get away from everything for a while. The thing is... not even ONE of my friends contacted me, and we are not talking like 3 friends i'm talking 15 or so, and not just talking like a week or two, we are talking months to years. So for me... it went from being really sociable with loads of friends to essentially having none at all, only acquaintances and facebook buddies, some of these friend I even known for a decade. 

So that actually made me change... I realized that being so selfless can screw you over in this life. I think a lot of people don't actually have any respect for it as such. Sure people might think a good deed you do is very good of you and that you are a good person, but I don't think it truly makes most people "like" you more, or really respect you more in the long term. In fact I think that having some selfishness can be good, making people think you are not going to let people walk over you and you have respect for yourself which can probably also be attractive to the opposite sex, it shows confidence. 

So now, I think in this world, it is actually healthy to have a bit of selfishness. Not in the sense that someone else if going to suffer for your selfishness, or that you are going to seem like an *******. But more along the lines of, you are going to try and improve your own quality of life, if someone doesn't like that selfishness, then that's their own problem. When it comes to girls now I don't care, if I like someone, they are getting an invitation for a drink. I'm now actually selfish to the point where I don't care socially what someone might think of me by asking a specific person out or what have you. Ignore social norms, don't be what others expect you to be too. Go out there and take what you want in this world. You will get far further in life if there is a good amount of taking, rather than only giving... Just don't be a dick about it.

My god, you sound just like me  in so many ways! lately I even said to a friend "tell me something stupid to say to a hot girl, I'll do it" he didn't but the point is my mentality lately has flipped. I've gone from caring what everyone thinks to I couldn't care less. I'm a bit too selfish now, I don't care about things like I used too, but..you know before I even say it! More people are interested in me now, more people suddenly have time for me. My sister all of a sudden wants us to hang out everyday, almost to show me off to her friends. (I wouldn't mind if she had more female friends lol) but it really makes me lose respect for humanity. If being selfish makes people like you...what a world we live in! This year so much has happened to me I don't know how to take it. I've got nearly everything I've ever wanted. Except for some decent friends and a girl!

That bit about none of your friends contacting you I completely understand, last year I did exactly that. Hid inside, I was waiting for therapy and would have killed for just one of my friends to say "How are you feeling today mate? Wanna go down the pub?" after last year. I can tell you I consider myself friendless now!

Thanks for your comment, it's nice to know it's not only me dealing with this problem.
 
Osiris said:
lately I even said to a friend "tell me something stupid to say to a hot girl, I'll do it" he didn't but the point is my mentality lately has flipped.

Ah, reminds me of my younger, wilder days.
Once walked up to a girl in a bar and told her that if I didn't give her an orgasm in under 5 minutes it's because she was frigid as hell LOL! I didn't even know her.

The slapped hurt like hell, but at least I made 20 bucks on it. LOL. It was horrible. Don't anyone ever do that, I was a jerk back then.
Anyway, carry on, I was just laughing at that this morning ;-)
 
Richard_39 said:
Osiris said:
lately I even said to a friend "tell me something stupid to say to a hot girl, I'll do it" he didn't but the point is my mentality lately has flipped.

Ah, reminds me of my younger, wilder days.
Once walked up to a girl in a bar and told her that if I didn't give her an orgasm in under 5 minutes it's because she was frigid as hell LOL! I didn't even know her.

The slapped hurt like hell, but at least I made 20 bucks on it. LOL. It was horrible. Don't anyone ever do that, I was a jerk back then.
Anyway, carry on, I was just laughing at that this morning ;-)

Ahaha oh I need more friends like that!  You shouldn't have told me that, I'll probably get drunk and say exactly that now! Haha I don't think it's a jerk thing! She probably laughs about it now too! "I didn't even know her" Well, it would have been a lot worse if you had known her (Eg. a sisters friend) and then you'd bump into her every couple of weeks! That's what I'm trying to avoid, because I live in an area where everyone knows everyone. I just know if I do something like that, it'll come back to bite me in the ass later lol! Doesn't mean I won't though, I'm starting to enjoy confrontation. Especially when someone's trying to make a mountain out of a molehill!

Cheers for the comment mate, made my day. I have a feeling we'd get along in real life as well lmao!
 
Osiris said:
Cheers for the comment mate, made my day. I have a feeling we'd get along in real life as well lmao!

I doubt it. I'm old and grumpy now. Don't get along with the kids, nowadays, with all 'em crappy texting, and pokemons and Itouch and Ipad and Idon'tknowwhatelse ;-)
My time, when you wanted to ask a girl out, you asked her name and where she lived. Not if she had a myspace account :p
"Ye young fellers! Why, back in MY time..." lol.
I'm boring now, truth be told. I had a youthfulness rich in experiences, but now I'm kind of just looking to want to settle down. For that, I need to be a nice guy, because thanks to the kids, that's what I've become. Just for the sake of being it.
Well no, nice guy isn't the right word. I'm just me. I don't hunt girls anymore and if some get caught in my web...well I'll usually cut the web, untie them and ask for a ride home ;-)
 
Richard_39 said:
Osiris said:
Cheers for the comment mate, made my day. I have a feeling we'd get along in real life as well lmao!

I doubt it. I'm old and grumpy now. Don't get along with the kids, nowadays, with all 'em crappy texting, and pokemons and Itouch and Ipad and Idon'tknowwhatelse ;-)
My time, when you wanted to ask a girl out, you asked her name and where she lived. Not if she had a myspace account :p
"Ye young fellers! Why, back in MY time..." lol.
I'm boring now, truth be told. I had a youthfulness rich in experiences, but now I'm kind of just looking to want to settle down. For that, I need to be a nice guy, because thanks to the kids, that's what I've become. Just for the sake of being it.
Well no, nice guy isn't the right word. I'm just me. I don't hunt girls anymore and if some get caught in my web...well I'll usually cut the web, untie them and ask for a ride home ;-)

I still think we would lol, I hate facebook and snapchat and all that honeysuckle. Gets right on my nerves, I think my old school approach is what fucks me over with women. Except Insta! I'm not on Insta but THANK GOD FOR INSTA! Vain but beautiful women taking endless sexy selfies.... :rolleyes: :p . I don't think you need to be "nice" now you've had kids. My dad's 64 and he's still flirts with women half his age when his missus isn't around! Lmao! Be yourself, if that's an *******...so be it! haha
 
I like Instagram. I follow nail polish and food accounts. It's like my dream come true in an app.
 
Osiris said:
This is going to be one hell of a rant so I apologize in advance, in fact no I don't. I've had enough of me always being at the back of everyone's minds, last to know everything.  I feel like I care about everyone and barely anyone cares about me. I constantly give 100%, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Yet when the tables turn NO-ONE'S there for me! I think girls look at me as "nice, but not boyfriend material" and I'm done. Well done girls you've created a monster. I don't give a fresia no more. From now on, everything's about me! From now I'm selfish and i'm ******* proud of it!


 Today at work I got heat exhaustion, I started seeing black dots, heating up but not sweating, feeling sick, you name it! And do you know what? Not one person gave a flying fresia, I actually thought I was going to pass out and someone would have to find me in the toilets or something.  My sister sat there eating ******* chips watching me trying not to faint. She doesn't work there so why the fresia does she think she shouldn't ask if i'm okay. If the tables were turned I would have been there for her. This is when I thought it might be a good idea to mention it to my dad (my boss as well) as we've only just opened our restaurant a few days ago, I understand people being too preoccupied to notice me feeling ill. What I don't understand is instead of getting me a cold water or helping me, I got a honeysuckle ton of useless crap spew from him. "It's those energy drinks, you're not eating enough. It's not that hot!"  at this point I was crouched trying my best not too pass out and all i could was see black dots. So I had enough of the "advice" at this point and told him very bluntly "No, it's because there's a ******* heat wave, I haven't slept all night and I haven't been drinking enough water, okay?" This is probably the first time I've spoke to my dad like this as an adult and I was actually surprised by what happened, he could finally see I was serious and asked "do you want to go back home?".....……...

*Deep breath* The thing I've noticed is, it isn't even being assertive. I've noticed you have to bully your way through life, because otherwise everyone thinks they can use you.

The other thing I'm done doing is being there for people who wouldn't be there for me! Like fresia am I replying to your messages now, when I struggle it's just me!

I've always cared too much! Someone sends me a sob story and I'm there for them, I tell them something and it's like "Yeah, that sucks" if I'm lucky!

So! Here's my official resignation from being a "Nice guy" I don't give a fresia no more, my compassion levels will now be based on how others are when I need help because I can't do this anymore. When I was younger I had terrible depression, thought about killing myself everyday. Now I realise I've never been the problem, everyone else has!

If you've read this far, thank you so much. You've given more more time of your day than anyone I know personally would!

fresia being nice! I'm being a selfish prick from now on!

Well it's your life and so it's your choice as to what you want to be. It's fine.
 
I do not know how to properly phrase this, I'm too tired for this honeysuckle.

Do you have the guts to give up from the pressure, and give to others what they have given unto you? Are you able to contribute to this world being more CRUEL, COLD, HATEFUL, yes, everything you have ever experienced and worse, just in order to not have to grit your teeth as much for a little while?
People experience horrible things all the time, and noone needs more of those. Noone should ever have to feel more of those. I am not upset, angry with you or anything - I just, in some way, want you to see what you are about to do. You are about to make an informed choice to hurt the way you have been hurt. You are about to forward all the pain, and not be a beacon of kindness eventhough you should see just how needed they are.

I do get that not everyone chooses that way, I do get people "have enough", I do get people break under the pressure of a lifetime of pain. However, I could never personally forgive myself would I ever hand my pain over at anyone else. Sharing details every now and then is tough enough, and that handing over of pain is hurting me enough as is. Still, I am among the ones that haven't even had the REAL honeysuckle happen to me. This is how I see it: I cannot force anyone else to feel bad like that, because I know how it is.

There is nothing I can do, nothing I can say that can fix everything. I can only try to make you see that more pain is not ever the answer in a world excruciatingly devoid of kindness and care. More and more people defect to the side of callousness and selfishness, and that is The. Last. Thing. That. Earth. Needs.

Many here have already given good input - I'd advice to read the points from Richard_39 again, he's gone through that, survived and knows what he's talking about. You may think you know, but there will most likely be one day where you see that this way ends up the same way as the other - but with a whole different kind of regret, and more pain forwarded in the world. Clarity doesn't come from anger, care doesn't come from climbing on others to get to the top, regret doesn't come beforehand.

And most of this applies to everyone, not only the poster of this topic.
 

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