Attraction. Physical or Mental

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ShybutHi

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So I was looking to see if there was a particular term given to this but there does not seem to be. The closest I could find was Sapiosexual. I find that when it comes to attraction, I pretty much purely only care about personality and not physical looks. Sapiosexual means attracted to intelligence but that is not quite in line with my own stance. It is more about interests, attitude, the type of person they actually are and how they conduct themselves, their inflections etc.

This seems to make things difficult with online dating because more than half the women put very little on profiles about themselves, expecting interest based just from their pics... and I just don't really care so much about what a person physically looks like.

Does anyone else have this problem? Particularly with internet dating.
 
SHY!!!!! Missed you around here.

I can't say that I'm not attracted to looks, because I suppose I am, but when looking for a potential partner, that looks don't really matter to me, I'd rather have the intelligence, kindness, compatibility, that type of thing. Attraction can come for me after getting to know a person.
 
So if anyone is curious about this sapiosexual thing, here's an article I saw a few weeks ago:
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/02/...ody-part-for-a-sapiosexual-its-the-brain.html

I'm a little skeptical about this being a real thing but people who care more about personality or intellect than looks are much more common than you might think.
The only advice I have on online dating - if you're looking for someone based on personality - is that you'll need to go against the grain and spend quality time with people and get to know them over a period of time before deciding if you like them. Alas, though, with online dating most people only go on one or two dates before moving on to someone else. Not a good way to get to know someone.
 
SofiasMami said:
I'm a little skeptical about this being a real thing but people who care more about personality or intellect than looks are much more common than you might think.

I believe it's a real thing, but in the end, its just a label.
 
Seems like a made-up term, most of the time personality takes an important part in attraction. Now if you say you're attracted to personality only, I call BS.
 
Xpendable said:
Seems like a made-up term, most of the time personality takes an important part in attraction. Now if you say you're attracted to personality only, I call BS.

Just because you don't believe it's possible, doesn't mean it's bullshit.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:
Seems like a made-up term, most of the time personality takes an important part in attraction. Now if you say you're attracted to personality only, I call BS.

Just because you don't believe it's possible, doesn't mean it's bullshit.

X made a valid point - seems like people who claim they're only attracted to personality and not to looks are people who want to project an image of not being shallow but I just don't find that claim credible. I know myself well enough to admit that looks play a part in who I'm attracted to. Personal grooming is important - someone who has ripped clothes, unkempt hair and long, yellow toenails won't get a second look from me.

However, I've been on this earth long enough to know that looks only get you so far. If you have a crappy personality - and for me this means no intellectual curiosity or a sense of humor - you likely won't get a second look from me either.
 
TheRealCallie said:
SHY!!!!!  Missed you around here.  

I can't say that I'm not attracted to looks, because I suppose I am, but when looking for a potential partner, that looks don't really matter to me, I'd rather have the intelligence, kindness, compatibility, that type of thing.  Attraction can come for me after getting to know a person.

Hey Callie  :)

I hope you are well.

Xpendable said:
Seems like a made-up term, most of the time personality takes an important part in attraction. Now if you say you're attracted to personality only, I call BS.

Well, for me personally I don't mean it so much in the sense that I literally get no attraction from physical attributes. What I really mean is that my care for physical attributes for a relationship is practically non-existent. So consider again the online dating thing where majority don't write anything much about themselves at all.... What should you do... Just message every single woman on there to see if there is a personality match? lol
 
SofiasMami said:
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:
Seems like a made-up term, most of the time personality takes an important part in attraction. Now if you say you're attracted to personality only, I call BS.

Just because you don't believe it's possible, doesn't mean it's bullshit.

X made a valid point - seems like people who claim they're only attracted to personality and not to looks are people who want to project an image of not being shallow but I just don't find that claim credible. I know myself well enough to admit that looks play a part in who I'm attracted to. Personal grooming is important - someone who has ripped clothes, unkempt hair and long, yellow toenails won't get a second look from me.

However, I've been on this earth long enough to know that looks only get you so far. If you have a crappy personality - and for me this means no intellectual curiosity or a sense of humor - you likely won't get a second look from me either.

I'm not disputing that personality is an important part for most people, but to say that that it isn't possible to be only attracted to personality goes a little too far, IMO.

But, in reality, all words are "made up" until they are acknowledged by higher authority or a mass group of the population. Just look at "twerk."
 
ShybutHi said:
Well, for me personally I don't mean it so much in the sense that I literally get no attraction from physical attributes. What I really mean is that my care for physical attributes for a relationship is practically non-existent.

ok, what?
 
ShybutHi said:
Well, for me personally I don't mean it so much in the sense that I literally get no attraction from physical attributes. What I really mean is that my care for physical attributes for a relationship is practically non-existent. So consider again the online dating thing where majority don't write anything much about themselves at all.... What should you do... Just message every single woman on there to see if there is a personality match? lol

No I have this. But I thought it was called Demisexual? Could be wrong.  It is a reason I can't use online dating. Without getting a sense of who the guy is I cannot just go off looks at all. Maybe it is a little different but without a personality to match to the face everyone looks scary and off putting. Even people who might be typically thought of as good looking. 

It is the personality that gets me interested and if you are in fact hideous.. if I liked the personality I wouldn't even notice. I don't think, I haven't so far.
 
The number of people that don't require some initial physical attraction would have to be incredibly small, so I'd have to be suspicious of anyone who claimed they didn't care  about that and assume that it might be an attempt to come across morally superior. Maybe it's true of some, or the older/elderly people who prioritize companionship.
 
I think there needs to be some form of Physical attraction to create the spark that allows for Mental attraction.
I'm not gonna say that it isn't possible for there to be PURELY physical or mental attraction, but I'd think those are in the minority.
 
I'm not sure of the term either. But it's the same for me. Attitude, interests, and all that good stuff. I couldn't care less about looks. I'm not a prize myself, so I'd never hold that as a standard for anything.
 
ardour said:
The number of people that don't require some initial physical attraction would have to be incredibly small, so I'd have to be suspicious of anyone who claimed they didn't care  about that and assume that it might be an attempt to come across morally superior. Maybe it's true of some, or the older/elderly people who prioritize companionship.

Agreed. It's biological as well as social, but the first type of attraction is always physical. Even if one is only subtly partial to another, something still clicked in their brain... or private areas hahaha
 
It's interesting to me to find how many people here deny the concept of personality over physical looks for attraction. Sure, there are biological reasons, female curves etc that make a man attracted to a woman, and of course personal preference based on many factors such as your own looks and style, the shape of your face perhaps.

The thing is though... while there are these factors, some people like me essentially don't consciously deny someone romantically based from physical reasons ever, because the physical aspect matters such little. I don't see someone with a twisted nose, a big upper lip, a double chin and an odd hairstyle and say this person could never be a great companion to me, nor that her smile means less than someone who is a lip model... That person could be a better companion than any woman who works as a model.

I guess some people just don't understand that kind of perspective on relationships and attraction.
 
I always joke that i'm Sapiosexual but there is a lot of truth in it,I find personality far more attractive especially intelligence and humour.
In terms of internet dating that is very difficult because you're not finding out that persons real personality but you are shown pictures so it is far more to do with looks,you're not getting to know the real person.
 
ShybutHi said:
I guess some people just don't understand that kind of perspective on relationships and attraction.

Because those people understand biology.
 
Xpendable said:
ShybutHi said:
I guess some people just don't understand that kind of perspective on relationships and attraction.

Because those people understand biology.

Nice assumption and indirect insult to those who share a different opinion and make different choices than you...     :club:
 

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