Disposable
Member
- Joined
- May 27, 2017
- Messages
- 6
- Reaction score
- 0
What the hell is with people all my life around me thinking they can disrespect me over and over even when they just met me?
Is there a big L written over my forehead? Do I have a stench of a victim so hard a little kid can sense it?
Do I have a big "kick me" sign following me?
I just don't... don't get it
Even if I puff up my chest and try to walk dominant and act confidently and even lift weights they just can see through me what a chronically victimized loser I am just by looking at me! Yes, I am typically a grudgy person for unjustified abuse who is into vengeance if given the right chance but I don't often have the chance and they just sense it! They are so sure they will get away with it and try to munch as much as they can reach!
Even those few who got a taste of my anger believed they will get away with this, I could see it through their actions. Nor did I believe at first that I won't just let them pass, it just happened. It's like a metaphore of an irritated animal in cage of a public zoo where everyone can throw stuff at it and it can be angry but do nothing because it's limited by the cage and the people know the cage is there so they just enjoy teasing the living being that can feel pain too.
I swear, even vile strangers on the street while looking for a victim stumble upon me often! Even people on the internet who didn't meet me face to face sometimes get me.
What is that they can see on me what I miss in the mirror? Even the weakest parasite has confidence to treat me like honeysuckle and suck me dry?
Does anyone else have this same issue? help me understand...
It's not that I am a spineless floor mop anymore and can become really angry if ptsd triggered. But they just don't care, it's like they sense it they can sting me and most likely they will get away with it. Thinking to themselves "this won't happen to me" and big most of them are right.
:club:
I am often anxious and avoidant of going outside, out of fear of being spotted and picked on, being in the same old situation not knowing what to do while being overwhelmed by ptsd trigger.. I think I smell like a victim from a distance. What are humans? This much good at being predators????
I even used to have a psych coach, he told me that I "smell like a victim".
Oh man, what do I do.. people around just contempt me, I'm so sick of being victimized, being an easy target... And the "friends" have it so easy for them to backstab me and just neglect me in time of need whenever they feel like it. People just feel free to harm me left and right and I don't see them regretting it by their own consience, this situation is just crazy + I live in a country full of passive agressives of all colors and the law here is really weak so it's a fertile ground. But still, I tried making friends online from other countries and I feel history repeats itself with those dissapointments. I feel so unsafe :/ I would rather disconnect from everyone, hide away and make paranoia my top choice maker but it's so hard for me since I really need communication otherwise I feel different kind of nasty pain. I am also not much independent sadly. I tried to filter people and work on myself but there are those who seem to pass my defences and there is nowhere to run. I feel that if I will seriously rise my "self respect" thing I'll just filter out everyone and completely isolate myself, and if I will activate a paradox magnet and people will be drawn to me because I don't care, guess who they will be? the same type of people! playing it respecting n stuff while waiting for me to make a mistake or be in trouble. Dude! even those people who know my tragic life story mostly dont mind at all treating me like complete honeysuckle, lie to me like crazy and sleep like babies after seeing me hurt as hell. I feel like there is nowhere to run.. I feel so unsafe in this world I so expect more troubles to come, like always.
Is.. is it being a genuine sh*t inside that makes one not to smell like a punch bag? Because I noticed many of the genuine sh*ts I met aren't as victimized as I am, not even close to half of it, it's like the predator isn't typically hunted but rather governed by higher status sh*ts. And what's up with them being so many on this planet? D:
There is also a difference between having victim complex and being a genuine chronic victim. Those with the complex often just look for sympathy mooching from others to get stuff and justify their actions while genuine chronic victims get slapped hard if they try to put aside their victim paranoia and give someone a chance of maybe not being just like other predators.
Is there a big L written over my forehead? Do I have a stench of a victim so hard a little kid can sense it?
Do I have a big "kick me" sign following me?
I just don't... don't get it
Even if I puff up my chest and try to walk dominant and act confidently and even lift weights they just can see through me what a chronically victimized loser I am just by looking at me! Yes, I am typically a grudgy person for unjustified abuse who is into vengeance if given the right chance but I don't often have the chance and they just sense it! They are so sure they will get away with it and try to munch as much as they can reach!
Even those few who got a taste of my anger believed they will get away with this, I could see it through their actions. Nor did I believe at first that I won't just let them pass, it just happened. It's like a metaphore of an irritated animal in cage of a public zoo where everyone can throw stuff at it and it can be angry but do nothing because it's limited by the cage and the people know the cage is there so they just enjoy teasing the living being that can feel pain too.
I swear, even vile strangers on the street while looking for a victim stumble upon me often! Even people on the internet who didn't meet me face to face sometimes get me.
What is that they can see on me what I miss in the mirror? Even the weakest parasite has confidence to treat me like honeysuckle and suck me dry?
Does anyone else have this same issue? help me understand...
It's not that I am a spineless floor mop anymore and can become really angry if ptsd triggered. But they just don't care, it's like they sense it they can sting me and most likely they will get away with it. Thinking to themselves "this won't happen to me" and big most of them are right.
:club:
I am often anxious and avoidant of going outside, out of fear of being spotted and picked on, being in the same old situation not knowing what to do while being overwhelmed by ptsd trigger.. I think I smell like a victim from a distance. What are humans? This much good at being predators????
I even used to have a psych coach, he told me that I "smell like a victim".
Oh man, what do I do.. people around just contempt me, I'm so sick of being victimized, being an easy target... And the "friends" have it so easy for them to backstab me and just neglect me in time of need whenever they feel like it. People just feel free to harm me left and right and I don't see them regretting it by their own consience, this situation is just crazy + I live in a country full of passive agressives of all colors and the law here is really weak so it's a fertile ground. But still, I tried making friends online from other countries and I feel history repeats itself with those dissapointments. I feel so unsafe :/ I would rather disconnect from everyone, hide away and make paranoia my top choice maker but it's so hard for me since I really need communication otherwise I feel different kind of nasty pain. I am also not much independent sadly. I tried to filter people and work on myself but there are those who seem to pass my defences and there is nowhere to run. I feel that if I will seriously rise my "self respect" thing I'll just filter out everyone and completely isolate myself, and if I will activate a paradox magnet and people will be drawn to me because I don't care, guess who they will be? the same type of people! playing it respecting n stuff while waiting for me to make a mistake or be in trouble. Dude! even those people who know my tragic life story mostly dont mind at all treating me like complete honeysuckle, lie to me like crazy and sleep like babies after seeing me hurt as hell. I feel like there is nowhere to run.. I feel so unsafe in this world I so expect more troubles to come, like always.
Is.. is it being a genuine sh*t inside that makes one not to smell like a punch bag? Because I noticed many of the genuine sh*ts I met aren't as victimized as I am, not even close to half of it, it's like the predator isn't typically hunted but rather governed by higher status sh*ts. And what's up with them being so many on this planet? D:
There is also a difference between having victim complex and being a genuine chronic victim. Those with the complex often just look for sympathy mooching from others to get stuff and justify their actions while genuine chronic victims get slapped hard if they try to put aside their victim paranoia and give someone a chance of maybe not being just like other predators.