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LOL Thanks for the compliment. I wish I could say I consider MYSELF as smart lol. Not really these days. Not to mention people telling me what I'm supposed to feel or not, which irks me. Which is also why I posted here, even though I felt like deleting this thread a couple of hundred times at this point, but it feels good to have people read, sympathise, offer things,without telling me "You're stupid if you don't do X" which flies me off the handle. I'm dealing as best I can and it has to be my way, or else I'll regret it the rest of my life. Same goes with my daughters.

I'll be keeping an eye on him in jail. Eventually me and him are going to have a little sit down. Count on it. I revel in how that day's going to go. ;-)
 
Richard_39 said:
Only good part is neither of them have memories of being raped. You would think none of it happened, yet her stomach is plenty evidence it did.

I started thinking about it and I don't fully get it. Obviously you know your daughters well, but could there be a possibility that they are too scared to tell it happened?

Because I don't get, how can you rape so that your 'victim' doesn't feel or know anything. She must be so deep asleep that she doesn't understand what's going on? Is that possible?
 
SilentLife said:
Richard_39 said:
Only good part is neither of them have memories of being raped. You would think none of it happened, yet her stomach is plenty evidence it did.

I started thinking about it and I don't fully get it. Obviously you know your daughters well, but could there be a possibility that they are too scared to tell it happened?

Because I don't get, how can you rape so that your 'victim' doesn't feel or know anything. She must be so deep asleep that she doesn't understand what's going on? Is that possible?
No, we didn't. Both of them were very avid on details of what they DID remember (fair chance it happened more than once, as well...) and were fighting with themselves to try and remember specifics, which they don't. Which leads me to believe either an illicit substance was at play, or that they've blocked it from their subconscious minds.
Honestly, I hope it stays that way. Ain't no memory a kid should ever have.
I don't think deep sleep cuts it either. I won't go into specifics of what they've told, but they mention feeling like they were in a dreamy state. This leads me to believe in a drug.
Either way, the end result on my oldest is undisputable. He's been arrested now and he talked, the cops are only waiting for the possibility of trial or not to give us the details. We'll know then.

And if they don't know...well, it might take one year, 10 or more, but I'll wait until everyone forgets this story, get a sit down with the dude and I'll make him sing like a canary. One way or another.
 
Richard_39 said:
No, we didn't. Both of them were very avid on details of what they DID remember (fair chance it happened more than once, as well...) and were fighting with themselves to try and remember specifics, which they don't. Which leads me to believe either an illicit substance was at play, or that they've blocked it from their subconscious minds.
Honestly, I hope it stays that way. Ain't no memory a kid should ever have.
I don't think deep sleep cuts it either. I won't go into specifics of what they've told, but they mention feeling like they were in a dreamy state. This leads me to believe in a drug.

OK, fair enough.

Either way an ugly story.
 
It might be happening today.
I'm at work, waiting on a phonecall. My ex is at the hospital with my daughter. She was scheduled in about 15 days, but she lost some liquid.

God, I so do NOT want this to happen to her at that age................................******* divine *******. If I get my hands on you you'll be squirting divine blood all over the universe.
 
False alarm for the moment.
I'll try and keep updates going as long as my heart doesn't give away beforehand.
 
Hi Richard, I've read and smiled at quite a few of your posts on here since I've been back recently but this is the first time I've seen your full story.  Thank you for sharing it, and wow you must be all over the place right now.  

I can sense you want your daughter to have a fair chance to be happier than a lot of us here, to fight for and believe in herself and the person she wants to be and things she wants to do and experience.   Since I'm in my silver lining mode I just feel compelled to write to you that I can remember being 12, right before everything hit the fan, and I want to give my two cents that I think right now, your fatherly support and non judgement and love, is the most important thing you have to do on this planet right.  Your little girl got catapulted into the cruel world of crappy adults that you've proven in your writing that you know well, through no fault of her own, and the gift of a loving father is the most powerful remedy for something so frightening, and can steel her against becoming one of those crappy adults.  A father is a home.  A father is forgiveness.  A father is safety.   My unsolicited advice is that I hope you can tell her all the things in your heart, know her, apologize to her for not being there when this happened to her, for not finding it sooner.   Let her blame you and her mother later if she gets to that phase (don't we all), tell her over and over that whatever happened it was not her fault.  Get that fcker prosecuted.  Get her into counseling, do not allow her mother to spend money, especially daughter's $ (if I read that before) on anything but help for getting daughter back to a healthy place and outlook after all of this.    I can tell that you will love her no matter what, and you are giving her more than a lot of young women and children matured too fast never got.  Give her everything you have until she's better.  If she is putting the baby up for adoption, grieve with her, but guide her to really know and believe she made the right choice, for herself, but for the baby too.  Buy her ice-cream, shoes, take her skating, give her a childhood.   I assume you didn't want your purpose in life to be children, but your role is so important right now that I hope you find some of that purpose in your little girl.  She needs her daddy, and is going to need you for years to come.  Something like this is not a death sentence, but like someone said before it can skew you.  She still has her innocence, so please honor that in her, and also her unfurling wisdom.  Sometimes with a parent who really gets you, and really tries to help, you can save yourself from becoming the allotted cliche, even if you try it out for a while. I'm just speaking from my own experience, I know you didn't ask, and I'm guessing you already know these things.  I just know where she's at, and the fact that's she's going through this doesn't make her a grown up, however she becomes or acts in the next several years.  Don't lose her.  Don't let her lose herself. Don't ever give up on her.  Nothing that has happened to her makes any kind of sense, and that is the saddest part to me, she deserves none of these adult hardships and brought none of these potential emotional and psychological problems on herself.  Remind her that everyday.  This was not her fault.  But managing her pain is all of your responsibility.  My guess is she needs resources like the ones you've demonstrated in your posts- self awareness, acceptance, the ability to grow and change spirit and mindset.  She is lucky to have you.  Please hang in there and be her rock.  Glad you've found one here too.  Breathe and eat and be, and we're here! (and sorry if you're not in the mood for all my unsolicited chiming in, but I'm just so glad she has you and had to share my thoughts).  Sending vibes of ok-ness to you and your daughter.
 
Little update, my daughter had a gynecology exam this morning. Apparently, as soon as the doctor put a finger inside, she started freaking out with the pain of it. So they decided she will give birth by Césarienne (I believe its called C-Section in english) on the 5th of September. So it's set for that date....
 
Aww, hope it goes smoothly for your daughter, Richard. Sending well wishes your way.
 
Another little update, this one very grim.
The mother and the sister of that piece of honeysuckle human being called my ex, acting like hypocrites and like they didn't know what had happened, which could have been plausible, considering they hadn't been talking to their son or brother previously.
Well, my ex found out they were hypocrites, not only did they know, but apparently, they want to take lawyers to prevent the adoption and have rights to the child of my daughter, or even force her into not having the adoption by having the other prick not sign the paper, which apparently is a right he has.

I'm getting REAL tired of the law right now and I'm about to fresia it. There is no way, and I mean no GODDAMN WAY in hell I am going to let what will become my grandaughter have any contact WHATSOEVER with those ******* family of psychopaths. I already have trouble at work, dunno if I'll still have this job in a month, I have no means to pay for a lawyer but I'll find a way anyway. And if the lawyer route doesn't work, well...fresia 'em. fresia 'EM ALL. A jail cell sounds like a great place right now. If there is a God, I hope he's ******* happy because I'm really thinking about throwing my ******* life away. Thank you for this beautiful existence, **********, when I croak, you better hope to hell you're non-existent, because I'll execute you.
 
Life is so cruel bro hang in there and dont wish yourself being in jail this is not we deserve, having a job is a must or else will make situation more worst than it is, i barely make much money working but it lets live a life without job its hard bro please hang in there
 
Holy honeysuckle I feel for you. A child rapist does not get rights. Go to the papers! Call the ACLU! You sound like the only decent human in your daughter's life. Please don't do anything to take you away from her.
 
My god, Richard, I just read through this thread... it sounds like you're letting your higher intellect keep you from doing what I know the darker parts of your soul want you to do. I don't know how well I could handle such a situation, but I'd like to think that I would handle it with the dignity and class that you've been portraying in this thread.

The laws surrounding all of this are pretty backwards in a lot of ways, so I hope everything works out for the best. Just be glad that your little girl has such a strong role model such as yourself to help her through all of this. I don't like to use this word because people attach a lot of their own meanings to it, but she is blessed in that regard.
 
Richard,

I'm so sorry, I had no idea, I hadn't seen this thread until now. I wish that I could offer some kind of help other than a listening ear and my sympathy; I work in a law office, but am not familiar with Canadian law; it is horrifying to think that they would allow a child rapist to have some kind of right over the child, and the fact that the relatives are trying to make that happen only makes it worse. The complete horror. I'm so sorry.
 
Well quick update, im not dead. Might return more often, supposedto start working again soon. Been a long three months. Lost some weight, some muscle, some faith in humanity, but I'm getting better. Ill update yall around firt week of december.
 
Well, alright, here I am. Where to begin...
It's funny. Sitting at my old desk at a place I didn't expect to still be sitting at. Hell, I didn't even expect to be anywhere else than locked in a jail cell.
Well first things first; my oldest daughter had the baby on September the 5th, by Cesarienne. It was not easy, it was not pleasant. They had to knock her out because she couldn't bear the pain of it all. She's not a kid who's ever much "explored" her sexuality, as such, even the gynecological exam was too much pain for her to endure. So they knocked her out, even though there was risk involved. The doctors did a wonderful job, our doctor was an expert in teenage pregnancies. We stayed a while, maybe one or two weeks. I tried logging back in maybe 1 month ago but couldn't remember my password. I was probably too drunk at the time.

Because that happened. I hit the bottom of the barrel. I had to call a help hotline. Not because I was suicidal, although the thought did cross my mind, but because I was gearing up for murder. I almost did. A cop friend of mine, a dude I went to high school with whom I met by complete chance (or maybe not, I think someone called the cops about a stalker, because I was stalking the dude's home) talked me down. That's the thing I'm having the most trouble with. That's the thing I'll have to fight for the next 60+ years. I really, REALLY want to murder their entire family. Unlike a lot of people, I also wouldn't be scared or hesitate to do it. But I promised my kids and I really don't want to let them down. I don't want to see them through bars. But somedays, I stop caring abotu that. Those are the bad days.

So now I'm being seen by a social worked and a shrink, not to mention being part of a father's organisation. It helps a little bit, as much as things can be helped, but I realise now only time will solve this conundrum. At least the baby is safe with her adoptive family, even though the crazy maniac's family was trying to get custody (child services said "over our dead bodies, ********") and they are actually suing my ex for mental cruelty because she doesn't want to let her son see the dad, which is the pedophile.........................Child Services is also having a field day with that one.
It's going to go to court around january. Since he doesn't have a criminal record and they say odd of it happening again are low, he's gonna get a lowered sentence to which he pleads guilty. I wanted him in for at least 15 years but I'm starting to think we'll be lucky to get 1....
I'm not going to accept that. I'm trusting the Justice system once, not twice. This whole experience threw me back to a time when I was a very different, very evil person. For about a month, I kind of remembered I liked it. It shamed me and disgusted me. I know it's not the way I made myself become for the last 15 years. But...it reminded me I could still be that guy if I needed.
He and his family better pay. Or else, sooner or latter, when they least expect it, I WILL. Mark my words. 200 years ago this whole situation would have been solved in 15 minutes. I'm not above finding myself a possee and hanging him to the nearest tree.
Anyway, I'll try and avoid all that as much as I can. Keep working on trying to not be that guy again.

I'm happy to be back.
 
Oh yeah, I almost forgot; I'm actually considering a criminal career change instead. I wish I were joking. But I've changed in the last three months. The guy I used to be seems to creep back in at innoportune moments. I've done some bad things. Got kicked out of a bar for pumelling a guy half to death. Over him tripping on me. Can't say it was all that unpleasant either.
I know I'm not supposed to think these things and are supposed to get rid of them, which is why I'm seeing a shrink, but as time goes by and as more and more people seem determine to piss me off, murder is sounding more and more tempting. I might even start a list. Because if I do end up going to jail for murder, might as well get rid of some more scumbags along the way. As romanticized as it might seem, I even thought about going after pedo's, Punisher style. Thing is, I'm not that brilliant and don't know the people I used to know, so I don't know how to get my hands on military grade hardware, except knocking off the military base next door. And I kind of don't want to shoot people who don't got it coming, like soldiers or civilians, so that's out of the question...but yeah. It's on my mind. I wish it weren't. I wish a lot of things hadn't gone down.
Made a woman cry yesterday for it. I told her why I had been off for so long from work and when I told her, she burst in tear. She asked me to FORGIVE and move on, or else I'll shrivel up inside.
Forgive...right.
That ain't me. If this world was a just world, people who destroy children's lives would not be allowed to breath. I always found it ironic that some of the worst criminal elements of the world got that when ordinary people spew out bullshit crap like "forgive".
There's some things you can't forgive. Some things you SHOULDN'T forgive. Because forgiveness entails you're okay with those things having happened. Some things should NOT happen. Ever.
I have to sit down in about an hour for a psych evaluation with the CAVAC girls about my daughter Audrey, the youngest. That scares me. That kid scares me. I mean, I love her, but...sadly, she's like me. She's not like my oldest. My oldest is a sweet thing, rather innocent. Audrey...she has the same darkness as me inside. She tries to do good, but I've seen it more than once. She doesn't talk much, but she really wants to kill right now.
9 year olds shouldn't want to kill anyone.
 

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