Motivation for work when you're single

There were some posts discussing this on a thread and few months back, but I wondered if anyone else here finds the prospect of being single for the rest of their lives really lessens their interest in work and career advancement.

Other things still provide some limited enjoyment, but when it comes to anything work-related, even in areas I was expecting to find interesting, I'm ambivalent. That and when people (who are usually partnered up) talk about career as if it should be the be-all/end-all I end up resenting it.

The only thing driving me at the moment is the shame of continuing to work a ho-hum office job past the age of 40.

I don't see any shame in it. I honestly would think it would most likely be a bit easier. There's no one else to worry about, except if one has kids maybe.

ardour said:

There were some posts discussing this on a thread and few months back, but I wondered if anyone else here finds the prospect of being single for the rest of their lives really lessens their interest in work and career advancement.

Other things still provide some limited enjoyment, but when it comes to anything work-related, even in areas I was expecting to find interesting, I'm ambivalent. That and when people (who are usually partnered up) talk about career as if it should be the be-all/end-all I end up resenting it.

The only thing driving me at the moment is the shame of continuing to work a ho-hum office job past the age of 40.

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I want to live rest of my life being single.it is not as easy as we imagin but it'll be better for me ,cuz living alone is better than living with wrong person.once i find myself maybe i will be happy and maybe i 'll find out any best reason do things for my own.

VanillaCreme said:

I don't see any shame in it. I honestly would think it would most likely be a bit easier. There's no one else to worry about, except if one has kids maybe.

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I agree with V.C

Depends on what you want to do with your life really. The type of freedom i want and the things that i want to do pretty much require me to keep going and moving up when it comes to finances. For me whether im single or not the reason to stay motivated is still there.

I'd imagine that without the pursuit of romance, the overall motivation would be channeled into work and achieving larger goals. Have you thought about setting smaller goals that are more achievable and trying to get the emotional reward from achieving those? Or even heading to new directions (prolly easier with hobbies).

I don't think there's any shame in that, but it's a symptom of something bigger... maybe good to keep it in check so you don't fall off the wagon.

ardour said:

There were some posts discussing this on a thread and few months back, but I wondered if anyone else here finds the prospect of being single for the rest of their lives really lessens their interest in work and career advancement.

Other things still provide some limited enjoyment,  but when it comes to anything work-related, even in areas I was expecting to find interesting, I'm ambivalent. That and when people (who are usually partnered up) talk about career as if it should be the be-all/end-all I end up resenting it.

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Yes, definitely.  It drains my motivation because it makes me wonder, if I am the kind of person who is in danger of being single for the rest of my life, am I just naturally a loser (my recurring fear, in case that wasn't clear) and everything else I set out to do would be doomed to failure as well no matter how hard I try?  

It also makes me feel like no matter how well I may do in the other things, I will only do so well overall, and if I already know I can't win then it's over.

I keep going though because everything I want to do costs money and I don't want to spend my life complaining about the bills as I've seen so many people do.  I want to know what having extra is like and I want to shed as many limits as I can.  If there is one thing that  I know for certain, it's that I didn't go through all of school, the studying, stress, boredom, the sacrifice of time I know I could have spent doing something that would have made me happier....putting up with the people....I didn't go through all that to be poor anyway, **** it.  Something I've always known about myself is that I can't accept myself as a poor person, I can't feel good about myself that way because as one, I can't believe that I have any competence or power, it makes me feel like a victim, like maybe I'm a stupid person after all, and I hate that.  I feel like I already have something invested in getting somewhere and if it turned out to be a sunk cost it would only piss me off more. I have to cross a certain minimum threshold before I can confidently say I don't suck, and feel pride in myself.

That's one thing I've noticed about myself - I'm pissed, I'm angry, I'm dissatisfied.  I want to do better than some levels and there are certain people I want to beat.  I definitely feel like I have the anger part of motivation in abundance.  When I say I hate something, I hate it.  The problem is all my energy and aggression is blunted by my fear that I just don't have enough natural aptitude or that I'm just fundamentally not good enough, so it's unfocused and just winds up turning into heat.

I also keep going for that tiny chance that maybe, if I work hard enough and keep searching and brainstorming and trying for a way and taking everything apart and putting it back together again, that I'll get a girlfriend someday - maybe even one I find desirable.  I keep thinking maybe there is something I can do to be an exception, an underdog success story. I see-saw between feeling like I probably won't get far, probably don't have enough aptitude, that it's probably hopeless, and feeling like maybe just because I haven't been able to see the way yet, doesn't mean the way doesn't exist.

I think being single makes me more determined to make something of myself career-wise. That is all.

wallflower79 said:

I think being single makes me more determined to make something of myself career-wise. That is all.

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I agree with this. If I was going to be single for the rest of my life I would put all of my focus on my career.

Pepperwood said:

wallflower79 said:

I think being single makes me more determined to make something of myself career-wise. That is all.

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I agree with this. If I was going to be single for the rest of my life I would put all of my focus on my career.

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This is actually what I'm planning on doing. Maybe finally go for interior design.

Being single makes me less interested in career advancement but not necessarily money. But also, at least where I am you are very unlikely to get promotions at all if you are single. I don't know if they truly do feel you aren't "centered" or if it is just that much easier for single people to drop and run... but I have less interest because I realize I have no shot.

Being able to buy music gear and weed would probably be my main motivations at this point.

Well, what other option you have?

I was laid off from work earlier this year and then got a new job. It's an entry level job making half what i used to make but it keeps me busy.
The thing is, at my old job, I was the younger demographic. I was 43 and very few people were younger than I was.
At my new job, i am the older demographic. Most of the people I work with are in their 20's.
It confuses the heck out of me to be around 20-somethings that have been married twice and have kids.

Some are talking about trying to find people to date and stuff like that and all I can do is just shake my head.

DarkSelene said:

I'd imagine that without the pursuit of romance, the overall motivation would be channeled into work and achieving larger goals. Have you thought about setting smaller goals that are more achievable and trying to get the emotional reward from achieving those? Or even heading to new directions (prolly easier with hobbies).

I don't think there's any shame in that, but it's a symptom of something bigger... maybe good to keep it in check so you don't fall off the wagon.

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Yes, this. At least for me. 
I was single for quite a few years and during that time, I was happy with sinking myself into work. I felt fulfilled by being good at my job and also got a little social interaction.

DarkSelene said:

I'd imagine that without the pursuit of romance, the overall motivation would be channeled into work and achieving larger goals. 

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For me it isn’t really a question of where to focus energies: The thought of being middle-aged and working a high responsibility job with no partner, no family and no-one to talk to outside work 90% of the time is fundamentally depressing (obviously not everyone feels that way). The lack the passion about the job/field I'm in is largely my own fault, but I'm getting old and heavily invested in it for now.

And I have enough saved to get by and travel once the thesis is done, so while mo money would be nice it isn't a huge issue.

Xpendable said:

Well, what other option you have?

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Staying exactly where I am, or look for something else that's low stress. In other words be a loser.

Staying exactly where I am, or look for something else that's low stress. In other words be a loser.
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Well.....
Let's say you have been recently laid off. There is another option but it involves having a degree of funds at your disposal.
It can involve putting that money back into yourself so you can finally truly 'blossom' and get yourself out of 'loserhood'.
I started the process before I got let go 3 months ago. Fortunately I had a backup source of income I could do from home and set aside when I felt the need to recover from my formerly stressful lifestyle. I'm glad.

And I don't mean superficially getting an awesome bod, plastic surgery - that's not what I mean. I mean improving yourself internally as well as externally so you're not as apt to be depressed, thinking of oneself as a loser as often. Feeling more beautiful inside AND out.

That's at least what worked for me. However I feel really blessed because I did decided to tap into some available funds to help me deal with my at home income and not making as much as I wanted at first, but not feeling stressed out like I have to make x amount of income by x date. The supplements, the bulk of what I used I bought when I was still employed, but strangely my health insurance paid out over twice as much as what I put into the cost of the supplements. Interesting although I feel the supplements did way more to renew myself in the long run than any doctor did. (And here we are arguing about healthcare, like we are all ENTITLED to a solution in antidepressants or some other temp 'band-aid' that eventually falls off anyways....)

Your lack of motivation for work could be more related to depression than your relationship status. Lack of motivation is a classic symptom of depression.
Being single isn't a tragedy, affliction or disease. It's merely a state of being. Not to minimize your feelings about being single, of course. But if you're feeling off, it can help to be pointed in the right direction as far as cause.

ardour said:

For me it isn’t really a question of where to focus energies: The thought of being middle-aged and working a high responsibility job with no partner, no family and no-one to talk to outside work 90% of the time is fundamentally depressing.

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Maybe once your thesis is done you can invest more in romance and friendships with people other than colleagues - also trying new things (?).
Can't pretend, I'm out of my own depth here and that does sound very depressing. I'm sorry, can only offer some comforting words and a shoulder to cry on...

SofiasMami said:

Your lack of motivation for work could be more related to depression than your relationship status. Lack of motivation is a classic symptom of depression.
Being single isn't a tragedy, affliction or disease. It's merely a state of being. Not to minimize your feelings about being single, of course. But if you're feeling off, it can help to be pointed in the right direction as far as cause.

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Thanks SofiasMami. Having some experience might make this easier to accept,  but you’re right about being single.
 
I basically didn’t have the gumption to find out what if anything I really wanted to do. I stayed here because I knew the people here; my only friends were here. Then, without any clear career goals, I invested $12,000 and 4 years in a postgraduate degree in order to convince myself and those around me that I was doing something with my life. Now I'm reaping the “benefits” of these decisions…
 
Even so, it can’t be that unusual to view your job as just a source of income (despite the taboo about admitting it). Still interested in other things so I don't think I'm suffering depression.