I can't take it anymore

WARNING RANT TO FOLLOW

I have hit a wall today. I don't know how much more sadness I can take. All I have ever wanted out of this life is to be happy. I don't understand why I can't be. I have tried so hard to make my life better. So much money wasted on therapy. So much time wasted. I finally stopped going when I realized that it was never going to help me. I have lost all of my friends and family. I honestly feel like most of my life has been a waste. I'm 32 years old and looking back I think WOW I have wasted so much time being sad, and yet I can't stop being sad. I lost the love of my live at 18 and have never been the same since. I have been on a constant search for love like that again. I have been unable to find it. Since I have not found it again I have been so sad. The older I get the worse I get. It's because I know that I am running out of time. What if I die before I find that again. This is all my life was? A wasted attempt at finding a man to love me like that once more. I get it. I'm not pretty/smart/funny/successful/interesting enough to find a man to love me. It is not fair and I am sick of living this unfair life. The world is a cruel place and I am getting really tired of being screwed over by it.

Sent you a PM.  I was exactly in your shoes when I was your age.

I unfortunately can't relate to you losing the love of your life as I have never even had a glimpse of attraction from another person. I can only imagine how sad it can make you feel and try to empathize with you on this. If you found love once, that at least shows that it is a possibility for you as other people like me it seems like an impossibility, totally destined to loneliness for the rest of forever.

Perhaps you are a bit of a hopeless romantic and so these feelings of desire to find love again and have a special person in your life are on your mind 24/7. I think in this case the best thing to try and do is to occupy yourself with hobbies and interests as much as possible, give yourself many goals to work towards and try and push this desire to find someone into the background... Rather than a longing for it that might create anxiety, depressive thoughts about the future, perhaps try to just have hope, but easier said than done. Don't believe those negative thoughts that say you will never find it again. People always say someone comes along when you least expect it, and it surprises the heck out of you, you never know.

I'm 30 and also feel like I'm starting to run out of time in matters of love, the entirety of my life being completely void of anything in that area, and I still don't see it getting any better at all. I myself need to stop fretting over this fact but at the same time it is very difficult. I guess you just have to continue to keep your head high and just hope. Trying to progress in other areas of your life and pushing away those negative thoughts about loneliness and lack of companionship and love in your life at this current moment.

Thanks for the kind words SHY. I hope you are right. I know I need to focus on other areas of my life. It is just hard and my mind always wanders back to the fact that I want to find a man who loves me. I wish there was just a switch in your brain that you could turn off so that you didn't want that anymore.

Yes I wish there was a switch where you could just switch off those thoughts and desires. Desires to find someone to love and who loves you back.
 
Feelings about relationships and such get to me too, I may be a guy but I'm a big softy and a bit of a romantic so the area crosses my mind often. I look back and go over in my head all the things that maybe I could have done to be more open in social matters and matters of love, any opportunities I might have missed, what I could have changed etc... But in the end that really doesn't help at all. So I personally try to push those thoughts to the side and have hope something wonderful happens in the future.

It's funny. I was just thinking about this the other day, how we all yearn for that mutual attraction with another person. It's strange but true that a lot of people may have had one-sided for each of us individually and we may not have known. and vice versa too.

When you find friends that you feel true blue with both ways, whether romantic or platonic, those people are truly precious. They are few and far between, not just for lonely people but for the public at large.

Love is what we are all designed for yet it's so hard to realize that love from a human is never perfect because we are all human beings. Until that point comes one can always love oneself and know that those few people who we have found to be in our 'soul strings' really do care. I have one former colleague from my past career as a pharmacist that I know shares these mutual feelings, but he is married. We shared a journey in recovery from addiction together and because of that we have a closeness only the two of us know; that being said, boundaries exist and I do respect them. However, sometimes it helps to know that people have cared in the past to give you hope that people will care about you in the future and you *will* be special to that special someone, someday =)

I'm a 26 year old male and I've never had a real girlfriend and my moments of intimacy with the opposite sex have been so few and far inbetween. It makes me feel kind of sick and scared that this won't change before I turn 30. I know this doesn't really help you at all but you are not the only one in this type of situation.

You don't look unattractive in your display picture by the way.