The Point

Nicolelt said:

I have that feeling. I wish I would just cease to exist. Like, what is the point? No on listens to me, no one cares, and I am not living the life I wish I was.

You try to fool yourself by thinking, oh it makes no sense to feel this way. I have all this great stuff and people in my life.

The thing you need to stop doing is using the words never, always, and other words that describe these things as defiant in your thoughts. You cannot talk to yourself that way. It is hard, I am going to therapy for the same thing.

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Molasses said:

When I speak I ramble. I'm often told to get to the point, which I end up forgetting.

Life is kind of the same. I can't seem to reach a point. In all the rambling I've done with my life, all the meaningless activities, character diminishing habits, lifeless choices I've made, I've reached the moment when life is demanding me to make a point. A point for my existence. And I have no answer. Because like my speech, I've forgotten what the initial focus was. Like rambling, all the choices I've made until now have led me astray from reaching a thesis. And I ask myself now, what's the point?

I know I should pick myself up out of this. But what's the point in trying when the happiness never settles?

I know I should make more relationships, but what's the point when they never last?

I know I should find a job that can help me reach financial freedom. But I ask,  what's the point when I always quit?

I know I should create a fitness routine, make plans to achieve a healthier lifestyle? But these plans I make never last-what's the point in trying again.

I know I should learn something new-- but my brain is a black hole, so if simple information never settles in, what's the point in trying?

I know that I should smile more, laugh more. I should attempt to make more friends. But inside I'm lifeless, hateful, and empty. And of course, these connections never last from both ends. So.... I'm missing the point of trying.

I'd like to start a new hobby. But I don't see a point when I so ruthlessly lack consistency.

It's the fourth of July. Fireworks are resting, preparing for an ignition that will send them blasting into the air in a short life of color and fulfillment.

I'm 24 years old, and have yet to live my life. And I'm asking myself, what's my purpose in being alive?

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SolitudeAeturnus said:

Welcome to my world.

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Molasses said:

Nicolelt said:

I have that feeling. I wish I would just cease to exist. Like, what is the point? No on listens to me, no one cares, and I am not living the life I wish I was.

You try to fool yourself by thinking, oh it makes no sense to feel this way. I have all this great stuff and people in my life.

The thing you need to stop doing is using the words never, always, and other words that describe these things as defiant in your thoughts. You cannot talk to yourself that way. It is hard, I am going to therapy for the same thing.

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Hi, thank you so much for your response. 
I totally agree-- ceasing to use absolute words such as never is something my therapist has been working on with me as well. It's hard to not use those words when I've been stuck for so long and couldn't get out despise my best intentions. Therefore it really starts to seem I'll never to get out.

But in the end you are totally right because for a brief moment of time I can breath again and my mental space is clear. After writing my post, I decided to go for a short run. While running, I couldn't see them, but could hear the booming fireworks around me, sounding like gun fire and missles raining on a war torn battlefield. It may sound corny, but those sounds helped me image I was running for my life, running with a purpose, and the purpose was to win the war, of Depression. It is usually hard for me to get out of the funk,  especially lately. But after exercising, I came home, blasted some music, and literally danced around my living room. At first it was awkward, but then you really start to feel the sound waves moving you along, washing away some worries. I highly recommend this to anyone reading. It's worth a try and you have absolutely nothing to lose. Heck, Skype me or whatever if you want to have an online dance off!

Thanks for sharing. It's painful to know others are going through the same trials, but also somewhat... Refreshing to know I'm not alone.

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Molasses said:

Hi,

Showering, dressing up, shaving, and looking nice does WONDERS for depression. Sometimes all it takes is just dragging your body into the shower. That's the hardest part, but sometimes it makes ALL the difference. So much so that when I finally drag myself out of bed in the evening to shower, I ask myself, why didn't I just start the day with a shower? Lol!

Also, for dancing I would suggest not listening to songs that correspond with the current mood, this might induce more depression! Last night I listened to songs that I wouldn't normally listen to, but they put me in a dancing mood. 70s/ 80s funk, hip hop, etc. 

Flowers sound like a lovely idea

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mattsmom said:

Oh wow I never thought there was another rambler!

I have this urge too.  You might want to ask your therapist about EMDR, which helps people repair their internal brain structures.  I've read up on traumatic brain injury (I was hit on the right side of my skull in 6th grade) and probably suffered some severe right temporal lobe damage (which causes a person to ramble, among other things like you mentioned - lack of attention span, and can include hypersexuality and outbursts)....I  have not done EMDR myself, but used to work with a psychiatric group and saw it did wonders for some patients.

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