I don't know how to cope any more.

I have written before about my next door neighbour (a couple of Christmases ago) and I am hoping that someone can offer me some help.  I am a quiet person who can be a people pleaser and she is very outgoing, pushy and opinionated.  She can be very kind, but the stress she causes me far outweighs this.  She doesn't seem to have the filter which most of us have which prevents us from blurting out whatever is on our minds.  
I have just had some major repair work done on my house which I have been stressing about for several years as finding a builder was hard and then trusting them was even harder for me.  Anyway, she has made it clear on numerous occasions that she thinks I can't do anything and that I need her to tell me what to do and how to do it.  When the work was being done, she came out and argued with the builders at one point about something and then when the work was done she told me it wasn't done properly and that the new window would leak.   The structural engineer came some days ago and said that although the work wasn't gold standard, it was good enough and I had nothing to worry about, but he seemed non commital about the possibility of a leak so I am waiting to see what he puts in his report about this.  I do wish she would leave me completely alone though as it is none of her business.  I knew before the work was done at she would be critical of it no matter how good it was as I had found the builders myself instead of turning to her to find a builder for me.  I never asked her for her opinion on the work. She also got a friend to go on at me about it the other evening and when I turned round and said to him 'what exactly is wrong with it? he became embarrassed and blushed and said it was ok.   I would like to live next door to someone who doesn't get so involved in the affairs of others and who doesn't push me or be intrusive.  
I told her a while ago that she is pushy and that I like to make my own decisions and that I know what it best for me, and she didn't like it and kept saying she isn't bossy and that I have no family and if something needs doing she will speak about it. I don't see why having no family makes her think that she should run my life for me.  And I can't see why she is interested in making me some sort of project.  There have been many occasions when she has pushed and pushed me to do or not do something and has refused to take no for an answer till in the end I have told her it is stressing me out. 
I don't know how to get her to back down and let me be or to treat me as an equal, not as someone who needs her 'guidance.'
I really can't stand her and feel like telling her to leave me completely alone, but it is awkward with her being next door. I feel that I am heading for a nervous breakdown over her intrusiveness.

I hate to say it but if you had a nervous breakdown it might just prove your point, or she'd just put it off on as something else. She may have some issues herself which causes her to intrude on your life so much. Maybe she sees you as a little sister or child that she wants to take care of out of some kind of maternal need, or she was raised that way and needs someone to impart that part of her upbringing with, or could be she's just plain pushy by nature.

Ugh, that's a difficult spot to be in, what with the pushy person being your neighbour and all.

Whenever this kind of thing happens with me, I usually just ignore their instructions and opinions. I do my thing regardless of what they say. If it gets a bit too much, I just say in a lighthearted tone,with a smile, "Oye, go find someone else to boss, I'm busy" or something similar. They don't usually like being told off but because it is non-confrontational, they sort of just leave me alone.

I think it helps to let them know that their opinions have no effect on you, like Sci-fi said. After awhile they just stop.

I know it's hard for you as you said you're a quiet person, but next time she's saying something like that reply calmly but bluntly with something along the lines of "Look, I know you care. But I don't like the way you..."

Honestly you've done well to put up with her. I have a few friends who grew up in care and if she had told them. "It's because you have no family" they'd rip her nose off! haha.

People like this are bullies, they want to mould you into a version of themselves. I know you have been avoiding it but the ol' "fresia off!" works quite well. Some people like this respond better to a harsh reply. I learnt this from my dad, he'd never listen if I said "leave me alone I'm having a really bad day" he'd moan and whinge so one day i just told him "Seriously dad you're really pissing me off now, fresia off" and that was that. Before you say that's harsh, I'm saving you a paragraph on how my dad is one of those bullies.

Sorry you're having a rough time with your neighbour, believe me having neighbours that completely ignore you isn't great either. Before I moved I lived next to neighbours where our home could've caught fire and they probably would only call the fire brigade if it spread to theirs. Horrible ***** she was!

Anyway, good luck!

P.S. Or try and beat her at her own game and critisise everything she does. "That paint doesn't really match your sofa though does it?" "Did you buy that shirt at ____ I can tell, they don't last long" and/or flip it so attention is back on her "Yeah that one window wasn't that good, you were right. When was the last time you changed your windows? It must be quite a long time ago."

It does sound as if your neighbor cares about you and is looking out for you. Not that it makes it right, of course, but I think that's the way you need to approach it.
I don't have enough coffee in me, so forgive me if this has been asked before...I think it has, but have you talked to her about it, other than saying she's pushy and you like to make your own decisions? Have you told her how much she stresses you out? How would you approach a family member that was like this?
It's unlikely throwing criticism back at her will do anything, other than make her more pushy.

Tiina63 said:

I really can't stand her and feel like telling her to leave me completely alone, but it is awkward with her being next door. I feel that I am heading for a nervous breakdown over her intrusiveness.

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How about this.. sometimes when you have someone like this.. telling them off in a strong assured manner -- makes them respect you.  So it is possible that it won't lead to a horrible result. But I think if you are at this point you have got to rip the band off and tell her enough is enough and not to talk to you are anyone around you again.

Sometimes people just don't get the message unless you are rude with them. 

I have a co worker who comes into my office daily talking to me an getting me into trouble and wanting to tell me how to do things.. I actively insult her daily and it judge does in one ear and out the other.  At the moment, I am just tolerating her because just don't know how to end it.